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Signing the lease

FelicitynixonFelicitynixon member
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in Not Engaged Yet
To sign or not to sign ?
to move in or not to move in ?
that is the question!

William and I have been searching for Houses or Apartments for rent for the past couple weeks. With not much luck we finally found the place! a small 751 sq ft cute little house in a Metro Detroit Suburb. You really cant beat the rent cost either. We're signing the lease Tuesday morning and now im having second thoughts on weather I should. I wont be moving in until sometime September or October, but we figured if I sign now it would be a promise to each other that a bigger commitment is to come. Hell im torn in all sort of directions should I just move in should I wait like my gut is telling me....

just had to type my thoughts out and get them out of my head.
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Re: Signing the lease

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    Knottie_22382049Knottie_22382049 member
    Are you worried about the commitment of a lease together or the moving in together part?

    Also would he be living there before you are?

    Trying to fully understand the situation before giving advice. 
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    FelicitynixonFelicitynixon member
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    Im more worried about the moving in together part and yes he will be moving in before me, in the beginning of april.
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    Knottie_22382049Knottie_22382049 member
    I would talk to him about it before signing the lease. SInce he will be there 5-6 months before you see if the lease can be in his name only and then add you when you do move in. Also if this is your first time moving away from home it can make anyone nervous and moving in with a SO makes you even more nervous. So like I said talk to him and let him know you are scared maybe in 6 months you wil be less nervous about moving in but until then do not put your name on the lease. 
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    FelicitynixonFelicitynixon member
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    thats what I was thinking. And yeah it will be my first time moving from home so the thought of it honestly makes me want to throw up and cry at all once.My gut is saying its not a good idea before engagment 
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    bethsmilesbethsmiles member
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    I agree with everything PrincessBride said. Don't do something you aren't comfortable with.


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    ravenrayravenray member
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    Have you talked to him about your desire to wait to get engaged until you move in?  There is nothing wrong with that.   If you haven't talked to him about your fears, you really should.  

     

    Especially since you are nervous, I would have him sign and then if you do move in you can sign than.  

     

    BTW there is no need to feel like you have to rush into moving in together, rightthissecond.  I didn’t live with my H until we were married and it was my first time living on my own too. 

    "Love is not affectionate feeling, but a steady wish for the loved person's ultimate good as far as it can be obtained"-C.S. Lewis

    Married! May 27th, 2012

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    Knottie_22382049Knottie_22382049 member
    I also wanted to say that if your screen name is your real full name please create a new account for yourself now. It is not safe to give out full names with all the creeps on the internet. Also you may need to one day vent about someone and it is nice to not have your real name associated with it. 
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    steignsteign member
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    I agree with PP, do not move in until you're ready for it. Once you feel one hundred perfect ready THEN put your name on the least and if it means waiting until you are engaged to move in together then so be it. Don't do something if you have reservations because it might put added stress on your relationship.
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    s-aries8990s-aries8990 member
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    Ditto PP's - don't do something your not comoftable with. Your gut feels that way for a reason. Have a discussion with him about it and express your concerns to see if it's something you two can work out.
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    [Deleted User][Deleted User] member
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    I wouldn't put my name on the lease until I moved in.

    however, I did buy a house (in my name only) that H lived in for 6 months before we got married, and then I moved in.  long story short, he needed a place to live short-term (he's from out of state) and it was cheaper than paying 2 rents.  I stayed at my parents' house until we got married.  his name is not on house because he didn't pay anything towards the down payment or other expenses.  he has some big student loans, so we wanted to keep his name off and do it pre-marriage so if something happened, they couldn't come after the house.  once his loans are paid off, we will add him to the house as well! 

    I know a lot of people say that you need to live with your SO before marriage, but I didn't.  we did spend a LOT of time together, and since he was living in the house I got to experience some of his bad habits before moving in.  however, nothing was really a surprise once we got married.  he still left socks in a big pile by the bed (he has since stopped doing that for the most part) and leaves a trail of messes behind him if he's not careful.  my experience of waiting until we got married to live together wasn't really all that bumpy.  combining finances was a little more tricky, IMHO.

    good luck!  listen to what your intuition is telling you.  :)
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    lennonkdclennonkdc member
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    edited March 2013
    I agree with PP that you should listen to your gut, and not move in together if you're not ready. However, if you should not use getting engaged before moving in with him as an 'ultimatum'. Its fine if you don't feel ready, or if you want to be engaged first, but don't use wanting to live together as a way to force a proposal, if that makes sense. 



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    Knottie_22386269Knottie_22386269
    I have nothing useful to say that hasn't already been said. But I just wanted to say I feel your pain. I am scared of moving and double that with moving in with my SO which I'm not doing until I'm married.
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    annmarie714annmarie714 member
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    Follow your gut.  In my entire life, I've learned to listen to it and it's always been right.  As PP mentioned, don't use "engaged before cohabitating" as an ultimatum but definitely share those feelings if that's what your reservations are.

    Also, keep in mind that although an engagement is a huge commitment, it does not mean that a break up won't happen it just makes it more complicated.  I know it's hard to do sometimes, but sit down and try to figure out where your gut feeling is coming from.  If it's about the relationship in general and you don't feel comfortable with a future with this man, I'd be discussing that ASAP with him (once you sort out your feelings).  If it's solely you moving in before engagement/marriage, with no reservations re: the relationship, then I think you shoould communicate that to him with an emphasis on how much you value your relationship.

    I never lived with H before marriage and although the quirks are sometimes hard to get used to, knowing them as a person (ability to change/compromise) will show you how they will be as a husband/live-in-partner than anything else (aside from actually living with them).
    Where there is love, there is life.-Ghandi
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