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no wedding party???

shel by2012shel by2012 member
First Comment
in Wedding Party
So my fiance told me that he has been thinking that he doesn't want a wedding party. Just me and him. I'm not really a big fan of that idea. We are paying for the wedding ourselves and so I'm already omitting a lot of things that I really wanted, vut this is one thing that I'm not okay with. I tried to suggest cutting our bridal party down(we had six people each) to four. He wouldn't hear it. I realize that it's his day too and I've liked a lot of his suggedtions and we've agreed on a lot but this is one thing we don't. I was just wondering what y'all thought??
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Re: no wedding party???

  • AddieCakeAddieCake member
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 25 Answers
    What about cutting it to just one each? That way it's almost none for him, but you still get a bridal party, which is important to you. Or what about you just having one or two people on your side? He doesn't have to have any if he doesn't want them.
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
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  • shel by2012shel by2012 member
    First Comment
    Yeah that's an option. He doesn't want anyone so I think it will look funny if I have one or two and he doesn't have any.
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  • Simply FatedSimply Fated member
    5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    In Response to Re:no wedding party???:[QUOTE]Yeah that's an option. He doesn't want anyone so I think it will look funny if I have one or two and he doesn't have any. Posted by shel by2012[/QUOTE]
    meh don't worry how it'll look. Just like he doesnt want to be forced to have a bridal party, you shouldn't be forced to not have one.
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  • AddieCakeAddieCake member
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 25 Answers
    I had two and my husband had one. It's fine. 
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
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  • Summer2011BrideSummer2011Bride member
    5000 Comments Third Anniversary 25 Love Its Combo Breaker
    It'ss fine if you have a WP on your side and he doesn't have any. Uneven sides are totally fine; I would ask the people that you want to stand on your side. He doesn't have to ask anyone.


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  • shel by2012shel by2012 member
    First Comment
    Yes they are all best friends and family. We already have most of the wedding planned bc three if our groosmen are military and have to take leave.
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  • AddieCakeAddieCake member
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 25 Answers
    Ohhhh, no, then. You can't UNask people once you've asked them. That is rude. Sorry. 
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
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  • Jenni8412Jenni8412 member
    100 Comments 25 Love Its Name Dropper First Anniversary
    In Response to Re:no wedding party???:[QUOTE]Yes they are all best friends and family. We already have most of the wedding planned bc three if our groosmen are military and have to take leave. Posted by shel by2012[/QUOTE]
    Unasking them can be a friendship ending move. Why does your FI want to unask them?
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  • KatWAGKatWAG member
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_no-wedding-party-2?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:2c6e40e5-60dc-4ed4-800f-1e9b19f0d03cPost:958f8938-370a-42ae-88e0-ecb1ff9dbf5f">Re:no wedding party???</a>:
    [QUOTE]Yes they are all best friends and family. We already have most of the wedding planned bc three if our groosmen are military and have to take leave.
    Posted by shel by2012[/QUOTE

    Sorry you should have considered this before asking them. There is not a polite way to say " I dont want you in my wedding anymore"
    BabyFruit Ticker
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  • cbrown828cbrown828 member
    100 Comments 25 Love Its Name Dropper
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_no-wedding-party-2?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:2c6e40e5-60dc-4ed4-800f-1e9b19f0d03cPost:958f8938-370a-42ae-88e0-ecb1ff9dbf5f">Re:no wedding party???</a>:
    [QUOTE]Yes they are all best friends and family. We already have most of the wedding planned bc three if our groosmen are military and have to take leave.
    Posted by shel by2012[/QUOTE]

    Well, this is your wedding party then, unless you want to make the really rude gesture of "demoting" people. There's no nice way to do it or explain it away.

    Just curious, was your FI originally ok with the 6-person WP and have a change or heart? Or was he kind sorta dragged into it and now digging in his heels?
    Daisypath Wedding tickers
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  • AJuliaNJAJuliaNJ member
    Knottie Warrior 1000 Comments 250 Love Its Combo Breaker
    edited March 2013
    I may be making assumptions but I would think if he's saying no wedding party he's not going to be cool with the suggestion of you having BMs and him not having GM. I read this as he doesn't want a BP at all. The best you can do is make your case on why this is important to you, let him make his case on why its important to him, bring up the idea of you just having BM, and see if you can come to some compromise. My FI didn't want one either. I can't say I worked any magic on him. We just compromised. He got something he wanted and I got something I wanted (having a BP).
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  • PebbelzPebbelz
    First Comment
    edited March 2013
    There's nothing wrong with him asking his guys to step down if he doesn't really want them there. Wouldn't they rather not be in it than for him to hate having them?
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  • KatWAGKatWAG member
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_no-wedding-party-2?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:2c6e40e5-60dc-4ed4-800f-1e9b19f0d03cPost:b7cd92a7-73b4-4d42-83bd-37a12b4691da">Re: no wedding party???</a>:
    [QUOTE]There's nothing wrong with him asking his guys to step down if he doesn't really want them there. Wouldn't they rather not be in it than for him to hate having them?
    Posted by Pebbelz[/QUOTE]

    This is horrible advice. Asking someone to step down will cause tension in a friendship, if not ruin it completely.
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  • SKPMSKPM member
    250 Love Its 100 Comments Second Anniversary First Answer
    edited March 2013
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_no-wedding-party-2?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:2c6e40e5-60dc-4ed4-800f-1e9b19f0d03cPost:b7cd92a7-73b4-4d42-83bd-37a12b4691da">Re: no wedding party???</a>:
    [QUOTE]There's nothing wrong with him asking his guys to step down if he doesn't really want them there. Wouldn't they rather not be in it than for him to hate having them?
    Posted by Pebbelz[/QUOTE]

    Except that there is a lot wrong with first saying "You're one of the most important people in my life and I would be honored to have you stand by me at my wedding," and then following up with "oh, wait, never mind."

    OP, once you or FI have asked WP members, it would be awfully rude to UN-ask them.

    To the other new brides, here is yet another example as to why not to jump the gun on asking your WP.

    photo fancy-as-fuck.jpg
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  • daisyamersdaisyamers
    10 Comments First Anniversary
    i'm getting headache after headache from our wedding party. if i had to start over, we would only have one each instead of 7 each. it's a  stress induced nightmare. good luck!
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  • AJuliaNJAJuliaNJ member
    Knottie Warrior 1000 Comments 250 Love Its Combo Breaker
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_no-wedding-party-2?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:2c6e40e5-60dc-4ed4-800f-1e9b19f0d03cPost:83199b7c-cece-4c59-a58d-1c4fb6e0330d">Re: no wedding party???</a>:
    [QUOTE]i'm getting headache after headache from our wedding party. if i had to start over, we would only have one each instead of 7 each. it's a  stress induced nightmare. good luck!
    Posted by daisyamers[/QUOTE]
     
    Me, too, Daisy! I would have never pushed so hard for one if I knew what it would be like. I thought since I had no other expectations other than them showing up in a dress that they selected themselves that it would be fun and seamless.
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