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Snarky Brides

Re: NA

  • Your FI is the issue here. He should be backing you up. Simple as that. Walking down the aisle isn't going to change things and what happens when you have children and he chooses her over you? How many fights is that going to lead to? I would honestly tell him that you want to postpone the wedding until he can learn to stand ground for his wife. Do you really always want to be talked down to and feel second best to his mother for the rest of your life?
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  • I'd be so pissed if my MiL opened my mail. She wouldn't be invited over again for at least a very long time. Your fiancé needs to speak with her. He needs to tell her to cut the shiit. If he isn't on your side, I don't know what to tell you because she will continue to do this.
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  • This is not a FMIL problem.  This is a FI problem.  Unless he can stand up for you and get a handle on her, the entire rest of your life is going to be exactly like this.

    Also, side note, I'm wondering if she has a point about your FI just going along with whatever you want for the wedding - NOT because I think you're being a bridezilla, but because it's obvious from the way his mother treats him that he has no idea how to set boundaries or stand up for himself.  You may want to check in with him and make sure he is being honest about what he wants for the wedding.  If he's really 100% on board with the choices you both have made, he needs to start defending those choices to his mother.
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  • bongebonge member
    100 Comments
    I agree that you are not being unreasonable. She sounds a bit over the top. Is there an underlying issue though if she was never like this before?

    If he doesn't take a stand for you i wouldn't stand up with him. I would not allow my family to treat my fiance in such a way. 

    Opening your mail is illegal. It is even illegal to open your husband/wife mail if your name is not on it too. It is a type of fraud
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  • I'm going to ditto the PPS. You have a MIL problem. SHe has no boundaries. However, its not up to you to set them. This is up to your FI. At the point she opened your mail, she should have been escorted out of your house with a little speech about respecting privacy and never asked to return. If your FI is really on board with all the wedding choices, then he needs to tell her that, and let her know that they are not up for discussion. 

    And don't worry about your reason #6. She already made herself look like an ass for doing all that. I bet you aren't the only one judging her on it. 
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  • Why would she be involved in your proposal???  Sorry, that just sounds weird to me.  The last thing I would want in a proposal is my FMIL's involvement.  A proposal is an intimate, personal event between two people who decide to spend the rest of their lives together.  No one else in the family should even know until it's a done deal, unless the Groom has spoken to the Father of the Bride in advance for a blessing, which I think is a wonderful tradition if you choose to observe it.  Sorry I'm focusing on this little bit, but that's just really weird IMHO. 

    Over all, she does sound a little nuts.  I agree with the others here, communication with your FI is key.  After that, keep the doors open for FMIL and treat her with respect.  She may come around, but remember, this day is about you and your FI.  Good luck!
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  • My FI also doesn't enjoy his mother's company, she is pretty awful and we make jokes on how I'm getting the bad end of the deal what with getting his  mother (my parents are deceased). However remember he has had to deal with her his entire life and probably knows what battles to pick. Sometimes it's best just to ignore MIL My friend'd MIL and her loathed one another until the birth of her second child and even thenit took time. Sometimes it's best to ignore someone  like that and when given the chance excuse yourself from a group family event. It sucks but trust that your FI knows when to fight and when to flight on his oldest nemisis.
  • Ditto PPS. She sounds like a nutjob. What was her issue with not being involved in the proposal? That blows my mind. If my H had invited MIL along for the proposal, I would have been breaking through walls to get away from that momma's boy.
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  • Uh yeah, I agree that she sounds...special.  Your FI needs to be handling her, not you.  As for the FB messages (who does that?!), I agree with Sarah that it makes her look bad, not you.  

    Good luck! 
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  • Also, if my MIL opened my mail without my permission (which I don't know why I would ever give her to begin with), I would lose my shiit on her.  So you handled that much more gracefully than I would have. 
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  • It's good to hear that he is starting to set boundaries.  I have a step sister and her husband is still tied by the umbilical cord to his mom.  Everything is run through her and because we still live in the dark ages where a woman leaves her family and enters the husbands family, we hardly ever get to see her or their kiddos.  I like my step-brother-in-law, he's funny and a teacher, so we have a lot in common, but the situation creeps me out. 

    My H (widower) is still in contact with his former in-laws due to his kids.  I don't have a problem with that but when I found out how super involved the mother-in-law was in his previous marriage I had to put my foot down.  She had access to his bank account and would check it daily.  The day she called and asked why did he need to spend $X at a furniture store is the day I told him he either changed his password or I would be walking.  OMG! The point about being a parent is that someday the children you raised will become adults and lead their own lives. 
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