My Parents Don't Seem to Care

Re: My Parents Don't Seem to Care

• courtney1188 member

  

  November 2010 edited December 2011

  Honestly, I think you are being over-sensitive. Many people on these boards have the  moms who want to decide everything and get very offended if the bride doesn't agree with her suggestions. They are paying for half of your wedding and letting you make the decisions and have the wedding YOU want. That sounds extremely generous, my mom has basically been the same way with my wedding plans, and I have really appreciated it. Yes, the dress comment probably would of stung a bit, but if you know she isn't a clothes shopper, you'd probably be better off bringing a bridesmaid that you know will get excited about the dress.
  
  Personally, I would feel guilty if my mom wanted to go on a trip but chose not to because it was a few months before my wedding. You get one day, not three months! I understand that it can be easy to get swept up in wedding planning especially if you're a control freak, and have your life revolve around it a bit, but that does NOT mean that your parent's life should revolve around it as well. They are happy for you, they are supportive of whatever you want to do with the wedding, and they are helping financially. That should be more than enough.
  
  My advice would be to appreciate everything they are doing for you and stop expecting everyone else to care about your wedding as much as you do. Your wedding is about you and your future husband, not your parents. That may sound harsh, but as a fellow control freak I am guessing that you probably talk about your wedding a whole lot with your parents, so some conversations where you talk about how they're doing and your mom's trip would probably be nice. If you absolutely need her input you can ask more specific questions, such as, "What kind of food/music/whatever did you and dad have at your wedding?" or "Which favor do you like better, Y or Z?"
  

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• redheadtmk member

  

  November 2010 edited December 2011

  exactly what Courtney said. plus you should not be planning your showers at all.
   some very slight input such as:
  
   you are a vegetarian and dont want meat
  
   letting the hostess know where you are registered so she can put it on the invites
  
    giving her some names of people she should invite such as work friends that she may not know are close to you.
  
  this is one area where you need to let go of control and let someone throw it for you.  good luck, try not to stres about it, and have fun!
  

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• 6fsn member

  

  November 2010 edited December 2011

  It sounds like you want the fairy tale mom and daughter experience that really only happens in the movie.  Narrow down the dress choices and then go out with mom.
  
  $280 to rent a hall is much more then free in someone's home.  It's not your decision. 
  
  What do you think you are going to need your mom for that she can't go on vacation. 
  
  Just because your mom doesn't care about favors.  Doesn't mean she doesn't care about you.

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• Butter Cookie member

  

  November 2010 edited December 2011

  I'm curious - is this behavior strange for your Mom? Is she normally super involved in everything you do, with sage wisdom and the yearn to be attached at the hip to you?
  
  I'm guessing no.
  
  Let me tell you about my Mom. She's anti-marriage. It's not for her. I've known this most of my life, as long as I have been able to understand and communicate effectively. When I got engaged I knew she would not be happy, but it turned out she stepped up and did what I would consider a lot more than necessary. It didn't include dress shopping, party planning (or attending, aside from the wedding) or really any in-depth girly stories about weddings, despite being married twice before.
  
  Rather than kicking the dirt and being offended she hadn't suddenly turned into a Disney Princess Mom I thanked whoever is out there for giving me the incredible independent mother I got the opportunity to grow up with, who went a little out of her comfort zone to do things for me she didn't need to do.
  
  Now that the wedding is over and Mom and I didn't fight like deranged lunatics and I didn't get my panties in a wad because she had no interest in showers and dresses we're as close as if not closer than ever.
  
  Let this be a growing experience for both of you. Talk to her about your needs, and listen when she tells you, honestly, that she's had this trip to Istanbul or wherever planned for a long time and her leaving to go on the trip isn't to hurt you. Be courteous, be kind, and be thankful that she's both financially helping and physically there to help you.
  
  I have a friend planning her wedding as a DW, because she lost her Mom to cancer 6 years ago and can't stand planning something big without her mother.
  

  

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• Heffalump member

  

  November 2010 edited December 2011

  Maybe she doesn't feel like spending hours and hours sifting through dress samples. 
  
  It's not your mother's job to help plan your wedding.  If she volunteers, great.  If not, then you and your FI do it and move on.
  
  Honestly, from your post, you sound emotionally needy.  Maybe before you get married, you should work on the root cause of why you want to have your hand held through this.  It may be illuminating.

  �

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• NOLABridesmaid member

  

  November 2010 edited December 2011

  I thought most brides would love a check with no involvement.
  
  See parents really can't win.

  

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• smartsassy25 member

  

  November 2010 edited December 2011

  I've always been really close with my mom. Every step of my life she's been the one there helping my brother and I out along the way. When my brother gutted his house she was there calling the contractors, picking out samples and setting everything up. When I went to University she was so involved. When we first got engaged she was researching all over the moon at different venues and sending me the costing. My entire life my mom has aways been there holding my hand. She is a pretty amazing woman.
  
  I'm not saying they don't deserve to go away for a month. They do, they work very hard and I know I'm not the centre of the universe. I just want my mom, she's my best friend in life.
  
  I get the picture now, I should have stayed away from the bridal movies and books. But knowing what I know now. I should have just bought a white dress from a store in the mall and marched on down to City Hall.
  
  For me it's not about the money, not to say its not appreciated. I just want the sentimental stuff. I want to remember the corsages my mother fell in love with and insisted we have, or the cufflinks that were so important for my FI to wear because my father  wore them on his own wedding day.
  
  And Yes when it comes to my mom I am a bit emotionally needy. She's my mom and my hero in life. I have a great group of friends making up our bridal party, but they're not my mom.  
  

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• Butter Cookie member

  

  November 2010 edited December 2011

  In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_parents-dont-seem-care?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:47Discussion:e980499b-242e-4643-9fde-b87b2a331054Post:b37f8414-29c9-4e0c-ab4d-2149a991fd03">Re: My Parents Don't Seem to Care</a>:
  [QUOTE] I want to remember the corsages my mother fell in love with and insisted we have, or the cufflinks that were so important for my FI to wear because my father  wore them on his own wedding day.
  Posted by smartsassy25[/QUOTE]
  
  You will remember the look on her face when she sees you all decked out the day of, and the look on her face when you dance with your Dad. You won't get to choose the sentimental moments (and if you push it, they won't be very sentimental at all) but the ones that stick will be the only thing that matters.

  

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