Getting a divorce after 7 weeks

XML&MrP · August 2012

.

Resa77 · August 2012

I'm not really sure what to say....I'll have to think before I vote!! First, I am not here to judge you. You are obviously very confused and hurting, and I certainly feel for that. This whole situation is incredibly complicated, but it sounds to me like maybe you haven't had time to really heal and grow from past relationships. I also wonder if your relationship with H didn't get too serious, too fast because of the first baby? That's a lot of pressure to put on a new relationship, so perhaps that's why you fought so much during a period of time.

I hope that however this turns out, you are able to heal from all of this, as I can't imagine how hard this must be for you.

professorscience · August 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_catholic-weddings_getting-a-divorce-after-7-weeks?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural Wedding BoardsForum:615Discussion:69b4d874-3311-4fe6-8314-2771e3cac688Post:2c27dbb7-8dbd-40fc-905f-ed6279565d7e">Re: Getting a divorce after 7 weeks</a>:
[QUOTE]I'm not really sure what to say....I'll have to think before I vote!! First, I am not here to judge you. You are obviously very confused and hurting, and I certainly feel for that. This whole situation is incredibly complicated, but it sounds to me like maybe you haven't had time to really heal and grow from past relationships. <strong> I also wonder if your relationship with H didn't get too serious, too fast because of the first baby?</strong> That's a lot of pressure to put on a new relationship, so perhaps that's why you fought so much during a period of time. I hope that however this turns out, you are able to heal from all of this, as I can't imagine how hard this must be for you.
Posted by Resa77[/QUOTE]

I wondered about the same thing.

My concern is that you have a lot of wounds that need to be healed before you can be in a healthy relationship with anyone. You've betrayed your husband's trust several times, and he has every right to be afraid you won't change.

You need to cut yourself off from the other guy. Completely. No calls, no facebook, nothing. I really hope you can work this out!

caitriona87 · August 2012

Agreed with PP's on the above points. I would also have to say that as hard as it is it would be helpful to stop basing actions on these emotional ups & downs. That may be part of helping your husband to trust you again--you need to control your responses to feelings and focus on the commitment at hand--to your family.

My only other advice is pray! Ask the Holy Family for strength and to heal your family.

bibliophile2010 · August 2012

I agree with everything PPs have said. I particularly think that you need to spend time in individual counseling to learn to not be so controlled by your emotions, and to heal from all of these emotional ups and downs. I'm not saying emotions are bad, but it seems like you let them control you, instead of you (and a well-formed conscience) controlling you, if that makes sense.

Unfortunately, I can't tell you whether things will work out. I think it is possible (all things are possible), but I think that both of you need to work on making it work. It is not just a matter of him forgiving you, but of you earning back his trust and all of that.

I hope none of that comes off as harsh. I would tell a friend or family member the same things. I do hope and pray that things work out well.

agapecarrie · August 2012

I am a firm believer that almost all marriages can be saved through anything if BOTH people are willing to give everything their all-- and give completely of themselves.

All you can do is everything within your power, and you can't control him. Continue the counseling, individual and together. Make a radical change in those parts of your life that need it-- the facebook contacts, emails, etc. Be completely transparent. Let him see all of your emails, delete your facebook account.

Go to confession.

Go to daily mass, and if there's a chapel nearby, adoration-- every. single. day. Pray a 54 day rosary novena. Fast for your marriage. Get a mentor couple to meet with you. Pray together with him. Meet with a priest.

There is a fight going on for your souls.

baird32 · August 2012

I sent you a private message with my response.

ydedios1 · August 2012

Have faith in God and do not give up. Cointinue to work on your relationship. You guys needs to start all over again and put all the cards on the table. You have to let him know what led you to speak to your ex again. What were you missing in your relationship with your husband that you found in your ex at the time. You and your husband are both respoinsible for what happen because neither of you were able to give each other what you guys needed from one another. Instead you kept speaking to your ex and your husband hung out with his cousin at the beginning. Couple's counseling can save your marriage.

zantster · August 2012

I understand XML. I really do. I have been tempted by a foreign ex before. Thankfully, I had friends who could see past the fog that had formed in front of me and counseled me that he was no good and to stay away. I have also been married before and had it annulled as well as the civil divorce. I had been to counseling both on my own and with my ex. I was on the other side where my ex thought he was in love with someone else and kept coming back and forth until I got fed up and filed for divorce. I had to finally realize that the choices we all make cannot be undone. And in order to move forward I had to accept the reality that existed instead of the one I wanted to exist.

I say all that to say that I believe you should only focus on what you can control, which includes yourself and your children. Your H knows what you want. You have told him many times. Unfortunately, he may just be telling you he might take you back if you go through with the divorce so that you don't challenge it. Either way, you have to release control to God and let the chips fall where they may. If H ever wants you back, he will tell you. But it might be best to give him time and space to think. And accept whatever his decision is. Then once he sees that you have stopped begging him to take you back and that you are sincerely apologetic but not trying to block him if he wants to leave, perhaps he might stop the divorce proceedings in a few months. But if not, you will have to let him go and focus on being the best mother you can while turning to God for forgiveness and direction. Because your relationship with God must always be the most important focus of your efforts. Once that happens everything else will fall into place in His time.

BubbsNBubbs · August 2012

I don't mean this to come off as harsh as it sounds....but I don't know how else to word it. I don't blame your husband one bit for not wanting to take you back. You cheated on him on your wedding trip/honeymoon. I mean if you can't keep your eyes and whatever else off other men on your wedding/honeymoon trip......what makes you think that he could trust you not to do it again? You were staying with his family!!! If my brother went through something like this I would tell him to RUN AWAY and DON'T LOOK BACK!

It will most likely hurt to hear it....but there is no way I would ever even consider taking you back. The trust was not just broken...but shattered. And he is right, you are the one to blame here. If your hubby was/is sooo perfect for you...why would you even consider a relationship with a man whom is not the father of your kids or eeehem..YOUR HUSBAND.

The time to grow up and let go of childish "foreign boyfriend" fantasies is BEFORE your wedding, not after.

ElleB87 · August 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_catholic-weddings_getting-a-divorce-after-7-weeks?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural Wedding BoardsForum:615Discussion:69b4d874-3311-4fe6-8314-2771e3cac688Post:8738ebf7-32eb-41d5-a3f5-62dd04292c50">Re: Getting a divorce after 7 weeks</a>:
[QUOTE]I don't mean this to come off as harsh as it sounds....but I don't know how else to word it. I don't blame your husband one bit for not wanting to take you back. You cheated on him on your wedding trip/honeymoon. I mean if you can't keep your eyes and whatever else off other men on your wedding/honeymoon trip......what makes you think that he could trust you not to do it again? You were staying with his family!!! If my brother went through something like this I would tell him to RUN AWAY and DON'T LOOK BACK! It will most likely hurt to hear it....but there is no way I would ever even consider taking you back. The trust was not just broken...but shattered. And he is right, you are the one to blame here. If your hubby was/is sooo perfect for you...why would you even consider a relationship with a man whom is not the father of your kids or eeehem..YOUR HUSBAND. The time to grow up and let go of childish "foreign boyfriend" fantasies is BEFORE your wedding, not after.
Posted by BubbsNBubbs[/QUOTE]

I agree with this. And honestly, your XH doesn't want you back. He wants a divorce. Getting back together while going through a divorce is completely non-sensical. He's angry and has every right to be. I am also wondering, just like a PP, if you got too serious too soon with your H because you got pregnant. Continue with counselling, both individually and as a couple - you still have kids together so you will be a part of each others lives forever so now you need to work things out to a point where you can be civil. Take lots of time for yourself. I really don't mean this to come off harshly or judgy at all but I do think that you were not mature enough to get married. You need to grieve the loss of your marriage, move on with your life and be the best mother you can be.

Best of luck.

Getting a divorce after 7 weeks

Re: Getting a divorce after 7 weeks

Choose Another Board

Search Boards