Bridemaids Oops!

Re: Bridemaids Oops!

• Maggie0829 member

  

  October 2011 edited December 2011

  Um, couldn't you just add people to the bridal party instead of replacing?  Since it has been so long I would think that it would be ok to ask additional people but definitely do not replace or delete anyone because that is just plain rude.

  
  

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• Doreen&Mike

  

  October 2011 edited December 2011

  I could add people but the wedding its only ~50 ppl and I'm gonna have 4- that would put me to 6 and I guess I thought that would be too much. and I don't want to be rude its just that everything changed, we all went our seperate ways and I still want them to be present but I've developed closer relationships to other people. Its been 2.5yrs and naturally things have changed I guess I thought since our relationship isnt as close as we use to be, it wouldnt be as big of a deal. I mean, the one I talked to once every 2 months and the other during the holidays- i'm not trying to de-value our friendship there its just that we're not as close as some of my friends who I work with everyday.

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• staceycaine member

  

  October 2011 edited December 2011

  I'm in the same boat. I honestly can't remember if I have told this one friend that she would be my MOH...but we're just not that close anymore...and she's really busy with school and lives 3 hours away. We didn't see each other at ALL last year. I think I've decided that she will be in my wedding party but not my MOH, and I'm hoping for the best.

  
  

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• Doreen&Mike

  

  October 2011 edited December 2011

  Well I'm glad I'm not the only one with this type of situation! I mean I literally live states away from these two girls now- I talked to one about once a month and the other maybe a fb message once a month, maybe. we're just not that close anymore, I still love them and I wish we kept in touch more but I feel like they should understand where I'm coming from, I hope.

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• tlopes07 member

  

  October 2011 edited December 2011

  If I were one of your friends that was told 2.5 years ago and we didn't keep in touch, or were as close as before, I would've assumed I was NOT in the party, I wouldn't get upset if it were me, but that's my opinion.

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• Doreen&Mike

  

  October 2011 edited December 2011

  And I kinda feel the exact same way- like if the situation was flipped, I would totally understand and I wouldnt be upset at all just because its been so long and the relationships have changed.

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• BBear13 member

  

  October 2011 edited December 2011

  I am in a similar situation - got engaged 3 years ago, and a childhood friend whose wedding I had been in immediately said she couldn't wait to be in my wedding...despite the fact that I didn't ask her to be.
  
  I didn't do what I should have, which was say "well, I haven't picked my party yet, we don't even have a date!" and instead just sort of ignored her comments about it. I have a very large, close family and always assumed my family would make up my wedding party.
  
  When I was first engaged she would ask questions about my plans, which I didn't have firmly in place since we knew it would be a long engagement, (I was starting grad school) and she always had something negative or critical to say about them since they didn't conform to her ideas (She is very extravagant and had an elaborate black-tie wedding while I'm doing a casual outdoor ceremony, etc) This confirmed in my mind that even if it was awkward to talk to her about it, I didn't want her in my bridal party if I was going to have to combat constant negativity and I was going to *have* to address it at some point. In the mean time, I didn't bring it up since we didn't select a wedding date until 2 years into the engagement, and I avoided talking to her about anything wedding related at all. 
  
  Since then, we have only spoken occasionally through instant messaging. We never speak on the phone (I don't even have her number), and I haven't seen her in person since her wedding 4 years ago, as we live on different coasts.
  
  My wedding is coming up next summer, I still intend to invite her to the wedding,  and I have been wondering how to handle the situation. That is, do I need to tell her she's *not* a bridesmaid even though it is rude to ever tell someone they are specifically not part of something? However, a lot of people have told me at this point she probably assumes she's not, to just move on with my plans with my bridal party, and that if she brings it up let her know that I am having my family as bridesmaids.
  
  I guess at some point I realized it's almost presumptious on my part to think she even wants to be in it anymore since we have drifted apart so. After all, being a bridesmaid can be expensive and time consuming, especially when she'd have to travel across country. She may not want to be a bridesmaid any more than I want her to.
  
  So I have decided not to bring it up with her unless she brings it up first, in which case I'll be honest and say my party is family only. This weekend my bridesmaids selected their gowns and it was so fun that I know I made the right choice for me.
  
  I hope this helps.

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