Bigger Wedding Party = More Problems? Or More Fun?

belle7fl · July 2012

I'd like to get opinions on this? Do you think the more BM's you have the more fun you have during planning events or do you think it's more stressful with more people?
How did you go about choosing your WP? Did you always know? Or did you ask a family member or friend of FI or vice versa?
What if any thoughts on having a female on the grooms side or a male on the brides side?
And finally what are your expectations of your WP, mainly BM's? Especially if the BM is male.

LouD042109 · July 2012

For me, I think it would be more stressful to have more BMs. It gets to the point where you are finding out that not everyone can get the same day off or one can go with you and another can't. Then, the one BM knows something the other doesn't. I don't want to be negative because everyone is different. You may not actually find that it is stressful but I think I would. It would be much easier to have a smaller group in one place at the same time.

I am having two BMs and one MOH. I always knew that my MOH would be my MOH but my BMs are my closest friends at the time. I know that one day I may look at pictures and realize I don't talk to them anymore but I will always know that I had great times with my two BMs. I can't ask a family member because I have lots that I would love in my wedding. It would get out of hand for me.

I have actually never seen a male on the bride's side or vice versa. In weddings I have seen, if the groom has a female friend she would still be on the bride's side. Same with a male. If I had a close male friend I would have them on the groom's side. But like I said before everyone is different. This is how I would prefer it but you should really do what makes you happy. If you have a close male friend, then put him on your side. I hope this helps some!

lodonnell616 · July 2012

I considered having my brother be my MOH, and am only planning to have the one member of my bridal party. So I think in 2012 it is perfectly acceptable to have males on the bride's side and females on the groom's side.

Having more in the party definitely increases cost, but I'm not sure about stress. I guess it just sort of depends who is in your BP.

cnf2013 · July 2012

I would think more stressful. It'd be fun if all the girls are already friends or get along really well. But lots of people post on other boards about the stress from large WP's and everyone not getting along. I don't know.

I knew four people I wanted to ask immediately. I have four BM's and a MOH. I asked right after getting engaged in all the excitement. My fifth girl I asked, I probably would have just invited as a guest had I actually thought it through. I got closer to a to a girl I graduated college with over the last two years and regret not asking her. But FI and I wanted even sides and capped it at five each. Think it through well and ask whoever is closest to you. Ask whoever you want; female, male, uneven sides, it doesn't matter. Don't base your decision on what will be most fun or least stressful. Just do what makes you happy.

bar10521 · July 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_june-2013-weddings_bigger-wedding-party-more-problems-or-more-fun?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:f30b0bfc-508d-415c-bf59-ab83e327da37Discussion:f33ee837-10ae-4eb2-98df-4cc2536286aePost:6d570f71-6abe-41b3-a772-3c1872668204">Bigger Wedding Party = More Problems? Or More Fun?</a>:
[QUOTE]I'd like to get opinions on this? Do you think the more BM's you have the more fun you have during planning events or do you think it's more stressful with more people? How did you go about choosing your WP? Did you always know? Or did you ask a family member or friend of FI or vice versa? What if any thoughts on having a female on the grooms side or a male on the brides side? And finally what are your expectations of your WP, mainly BM's? Especially if the BM is male.
Posted by belle7fl[/QUOTE]

<div>For me it would be more stressful with more people. I love my girls but half of them have the tendancy to flake out. Also for me more opinions wouldn't necessarily be the best thing. I know what I want and so does my FI so to have one of them offering up other suggestions I would feel rude if I constantly said no to her ideas. But that's just me.</div><div>
</div><div>I always kind of knew who would be in my WP. My MOH is my best friend, 1 BM I've been friends with for over 10 years, another I've gotten really close to over the last few years and she introduced me to FI and the 4th is my FSIL. As far as family or friends of FI I only asked his sister none of his friends because I really wanted 3 of my good friends in it. He only asked my brother because he also has 3 good friends he'd like in the WP. </div><div>
</div><div>I personally like the tradition of girls on my side and boys on his side. He had one female friend he wanted on his side but I think he said it more to get me worked up. I'm not that crazy that I wouldn't let him have a girl on his side, just not this girl. I know they're good friends and see each other about once every 4-6 months but I'm super insecure around her. Backstory so I don't come off as the jealous gf no one likes: He used to have a thing for her and when we first started dating we described our ideal person and a lot of the physical ideals he has described her. So I'm not comfortable with her in the WP and he gets why I'm jealous of their friendship. </div><div>
</div><div>I hope my BMs will help me out if I need it but I know that they are all crazy busy and may not be able to. I expect/know they'll help my mom plan my shower and that they'd plan a kickass bachelorette party for me. Other than that my only real expectations of them are to show up at appointments, buy their dress, show up on time & sober for the wedding. </div>

rmp4996 · July 2012

I agree, I think that more girls is more stress. Too many opinions, too many people to try and please, and too many girls required to get along. But if you have people that you can't imagine your wedding day without them by your side, then go for it. Everyone is different, and if your friends are the types that don't get involved in drama or aren't too opinionated then I say go for it.

I think it would be fine to have a guy on your side or a girl on his side. Like someone above said, it's 2012 and I don't think people would think much of it, I think it's probably more common than people think. I did have a friend though who had a really close guy friend from high school and he stood up on the grooms side. Again, it's a personal choice and you should do whatever you and FI are most comfortable with.

I think I always had aan idea of who I wanted in my WP, but then once I got engaged I thought it through a little more carefully. I have 3 of my good friends from HS, my 2 nieces (they are actually my age or close to my age, my dad was married forbore my mom and had a daughter who is almost double my age, and these girls in my WP are her daugherts. We grew up together and always looked at eachother like sisters.) The other girl is my FI's SIL but we have become great friends, we hang out together all the time, and I know I can count on her.

All I expect from my bridesmaids is their love and support. I am not really a DIY kind of person, so I will not be asking my girls to help with anything crafty because we won't have anything like that really. If they offer to help with things, that's fine, but most of them are either new in their careers so very busy or don't have much money which is fine and understandable. I would like them to help plan the bachelorette party, and help my mom with shower decorations or invites, but that's it. And of course show up for appointments, but really I aksed people who I knew would be happy for me, excited for me, and who will be there to talk if I need moral support.

ashlidie · July 2012

Im on board with everyone in believing it is more stressful to have more ladies. I think having a guy in the mix is fun too, could cause some slight hurdles but I think you should have him if he is important for you (those bumps are much less important than having your best guy friend up there with you if thats what you want).

As far as picking my ladies, I had a tough time because I don't have any real "best" friends aside from FI. I have a lot of good friends, and a lot of lady cousins (on the order of 10 that are of age to be bridesmaids). What I ended up doing was having FI's brother's gf be my MOH. We have gotten very close and she could be my sister one day (I have none of my own). She also is in on the family and has been helping me out along the way anyways with things like selecting my dress, colors, attending bridal shows, etc. with me. Next I selected a friend that is mutually friends with FI and I, and happens to know my cousins and has been around forever in our circle. She's that girl who knows everyone and my wedding will be the 6th or 7th shes been in lol. The last two I had no choice but to be logical, I have 1 cousin from each side of my family, and to keep other cousins from getting upset, I just selected the two that are closest to me in age. Conveniently enough they don't have sisters that would get jealous which would have happened had I chose other lady cousins of mine.

So I guess you can say I was sort of logical and have a good mix of friends and family in my wedding. On FI's side, he has his brother, an uncle, a cousin, and a friend.

ashlidie · July 2012

Oops forgot to answer about expectations. My expectations are, they get a dress (so go dress shopping), come with their hair done however they want with whichever shoes or jewelry they want, and be there on my wedding day and for the rehearsal dinner. I would also like them to go out with me for my bachelorette party haha. They may need to help with stupid things the day of, like moving something from the ceremony to the reception or something like that.

Otherwise, I don't expect a thing. I do feel that my MOH is already working on the bridal shower because she has asked me for names and addresses lol. I have already gotten offers from them to help out with things but really I am a control freak and am happy to take on all tasks on my own. If I need help I know I can call but I don't want to have to rely on them to drop whatever they are doing because they also have some busy lives.

anastassiiat · July 2012

I think that having more people in the WP can be both fun and stressful - if all the girls have known each other for a while or have similar personalities/interests then I think it could be a blast, but if they all are just meeting now and have different personalities it makes me think of the movie "Bridesmaids" lol

I think it's totally OK to have a guy on your side if you are really close friends/family, I was considering having my brother be on my side, but over time he got really close to my FI so now we think it's appropriate to have him stand on FI's side. The same with my FI's niece - she will be standing on my side since I believe I have a good relationship with her.

I have only asked my MOH so far, I'm waiting on my BMs, mainly because some of my closest friends are out of country (I moved to the U.S. about 5 years ago) so I'm waiting to hear from them whether they'll be able to afford/get visas to come to my wedding, and I'll make a decision from there. FI is having 1 Best Man and 4 GM (his childhood friend, his good friend/my MOH's husband, my brother and his cousin).

And as far as expectation, I would love to have a bachelorette party, but by no means I feel like the girls "have" to do it - it would be great if they do, but I won't be offended/hurt if they don't. Other than that I just want them all to have fun and enjoy themselves on my wedding day!

wright944 · July 2012

Do you think the more BM's you have the more fun you have during planning events or do you think it's more stressful with more people? * How did you go about choosing your WP? Did you always know? Or did you ask a family member or friend of FI or vice versa?

I was originally going to have only 4 in my WP (MOH and 3 BMs) but I had two friends I just couldn't imagine not having there with me on my big day so now I have 6 total. All of my girls for the most part know each other. I am having 3 from high school, two from college and my FI's sister (which I also went to HS with). I think it is going to be a lot of fun and none of them are overly opinionated and are all really excited. One of my BMs is getting married next September and I am in her wedding.

What if any thoughts on having a female on the grooms side or a male on the brides side?

I thought about my little brother on my side, because we are really really close. But him and my FI are also super close so he is going to be on his side. But, I think having a male wouldn't be weird, unless your FI is opposed to it for any reason.

And finally what are your expectations of your WP, mainly BM's? Especially if the BM is male.

I don't really have a ton of expecations for them other than to show up in the BM dress on June 29, 2013 and look presentable. A lot of them have offered to help and are really excited. Actually my MOH and one of my BMs are planning a weekend in Chicago for my B Party. Which I am super excited for and my MOH and my mom have been in contact. So everything is going really well on the BP end right now.

emilyb213 · July 2012

Do you think the more BM's you have the more fun you have during planning events or do you think it's more stressful with more people?

I think it depends on the girls you're asking. Three of my bridesmaids are my sisters, one girl, C., is my oldest friend (so she also knows my sisters pretty well), another girl, L., has spent a good bit of time hanging out with C. & I and our other friends, and my maid of honor, A., lived with my and one of my sisters, and has hung out with L. & I a lot. So they all know each other & they all get along. I'm not really anticipating any stress from mixing so many girls. If anything, it will be my sisters who step out of line, and I know my mother will run interference with them.
How did you go about choosing your WP? Did you always know? Or did you ask a family member or friend of FI or vice versa?

I didn't ask any of my bridesmaids expect my maid of honor until we were getting close to the 1 year mark. I wanted to be sure about who I was asking. I don't have any of his friends on my side, but he has my 13 year old brother on his side.
What if any thoughts on having a female on the grooms side or a male on the brides side?

I think this is pretty common nowadays. I like anything that mixes up the normal wedding traditions, so I'm all for it.
And finally what are your expectations of your WP, mainly BM's? Especially if the BM is male.

My expectations for the wedding party are that they all wear what we ask them to, they show up on time for the rehearsal dinner and day of the wedding, and that they stay mostly sober until the reception starts. My bridesmaids can wear their hair however they want, and I'm going to ask them to wear whatever shoes they like, as long as they don't clash horribly with their dresses. I might need a little help the day beforehand setting up some stuff at the venue, but like Ash said, I'm a control freak and I know I'd rather handle stuff like that myself.

belle7fl · July 2012

You ladies all seem to be on the same page. So let me give you the back story. Some of you may remember I posted a while back about my FI's cousin (who we hang out with) and his niece (who is the same age as my niece, who is my MOH, 22) asking playfully what dress they would be wearing for the wedding and if I had asked my BM's yet. Well I'm still going back and forth with that. They are both great people and actually are opinionated but in a good way and they are really fun to be around. All of these things my sister, niece and friend that currently make up my BP are really not. I don't think five is a large WP and think it might be more fun. More money but more fun. Now my other question about the male BM was because my best friend for 20 years (since freshman year in high school) is a guy. We've gone through periods of time where we haven't spoken to each other but really him and his brother are the only friends that have been there through everything with me. I've asked him to do a reading and he almost cried and also gave me grief because he's not the MOH. I want to include him since he has been my best friend for sooooo long but I'm just not sure how it would work. My FI is kinda ok with him being on his side seeing that he's only met him once and it was only last week. But he would really be standing up for me. Does all of this sound strange? This is my FI's second wedding and the first one was big so he doesn't really want to hear any of it he just wants me to make a decision. He hasn't even said anything to his 3 best friends about being in the wedding yet. Like everyone else, I'm sure, I plan on this being my 1 and only wedding so I want to make sure I do it right, with no regrets. Like everyone else, I don't expect anything from anyone other then to show up wearing the right dress and have fun during the next year with me. I am also a control freak so any DIYing will be done by me and maybe my sister since she's pretty crafty. And I know she's already started with the shower planning. But I also know his cousin and niece would throw an awesome bachelorette party! Wow, sorry it's so long. If you actually made it through, thanks for listening.

Bigger Wedding Party = More Problems? Or More Fun?

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