Firing a bridesmaid

Joanie425 · August 2012

I need some suggestions please. My wedding is in two months. I have this one friend/bridesmaid who is beyond rude, treats everyone like crap, can't get it through her head that this is my wedding not hers. I kicked her out back in November but let her back in. She was good for a little while. But now she gets in to it with all the other girls, my fiancee's mother and sister, then runs and tells me about it after I've told her I don't want to know. She talks to me like I'm an idiot. ALL of the drama in this wedding had been caused by her. My fiancee can't stand her. I haven't talked to her in almost a month and it's been the most peaceful time. Honestly, after the wedding I'm planning on going my own way and wish her the best of luck. But then I get to thinking, I don't want her in all my pictures. Should I just do it and get rid of her now? The reason I originally asked her to be in the wedding was, we've been friends for 14 years and I was her MOH.

courtski2004 · August 2012

If you're prepared to end the friendship, then do it. Again.

What I can't grasp is why either of you would want back in the wedding after the first dismissal. Did she apologize for her actions? Have you had a conversation with her about how she is disrupting things? I think a discussion is where you need to go with this before hastily just throwing in the towel for the second time. Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. You need to accept some of this frustration since it seems you knew what you were potentially getting into.

Joanie425 · August 2012

Hi, thank you. I am prepared to end the friendship. When I let her in the last time she did apologize and we had a serious discussion about her behavior. And like I said, she was good for a little bit. And we warned her that if she started up again she would be out for good. Just last night my fiancee said he feels like he's not keeping his word because she's still here.

cwaggoner07 · August 2012

How old are you guys? I can't imagine all this going on during my wedding planning.

QueerFemme · August 2012

Well, "firing" a bridesmaid is a friendship ending move. If you don't want the friendship, then go ahead and tell her that because of her behavior, you'd rather she not be in the wedding and you think it's best to go your seperate ways.

HOWEVER,

If she paid for a dress or any other wedding related items, you should reimburse her.

AND, don't appoint another BM in her place.

JoghanClere · August 2012

I'm kind of in the same situation, just reversed, which is what caught my attention. My fiance asked one of his friends to be his best man and some things have happened and now he wants a different guy to be his best man but hasn't figured out how to break the news, which is why I started reading and looking for some advice. I agree with all the previous posts. If you're ready to go separate ways as friends and things haven't gotten better, even after a long discussion about the attitude, then "fire" her. Don't replace her as it may look like you just wanted someone else to be your BM instead, but maybe offer to pay half of what she's already paid for? She had a choice to change the way she acted and shared in your day with you and she chose not to so I wouldn't reimburse her for everything. At least I wouldn't. An airline wouldn't reimburse her if she bought a ticket and then chose to not get on the flight or get drunk and be obnoxious before the flight. Just another opinion. Good Luck and Congrats!!

sheribear1970 · August 2012

i understand and i am going threw samething of firing a bridesmaid and a groomsman. i am tired of them useing me and never around when i need something. i thought they were friends.tony and i are always having to help them with money and everything else. they spoil our beach trip because had to fork out 200.00 more dollar and other exspense money that we did not have. they are always bumming rides off of us . i and tony are tired of it.

sparkles776 · August 2012

Since you are prepared to end the friendship, I think it is ok, but you should reimburse her for her dress at least.

samantha24p · August 2012

I have a BM that other BMs and a GMs asked me to kick out. It went so far that one GM said its him or her. As annoying as she can sometimes be I chose her for a reason and not going to drop her bc we but heads or others ask me to. I had a talk with her, didn't mention that ppl asked me to kick her out. I told her she was hurting my feelings and others when she was being catty or rude and asked her to please be nicer to everyone. I told her I cared very deeply for her friendship and didn't want this to put a damper on our friendship. She admitted that she was slightly jealous bc she's the last in our group still single and that she'd try to not take it out on us anymore. Needless to say she's been nicer. Try talking to her again bc 14 years is a long time to just toss away.

Avion22 · August 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_firing-a-bridesmaid?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:d6996e3a-d86a-4c25-afb7-c620560034ecPost:36a18f5b-4c8b-4c85-8e73-d51ace5b1101">Firing a bridesmaid</a>:
[QUOTE]I need some suggestions please. My wedding is in two months. I have this one friend/bridesmaid who is beyond rude, treats everyone like crap, can't get it through her head that this is my wedding not hers. I kicked her out back in November but let her back in. She was good for a little while. But now she gets in to it with all the other girls, my fiancee's mother and sister, then runs and tells me about it after I've told her I don't want to know. She talks to me like I'm an idiot. ALL of the drama in this wedding had been caused by her. My fiancee can't stand her. I haven't talked to her in almost a month and it's been the most peaceful time. Honestly, after the wedding I'm planning on going my own way and wish her the best of luck. But then I get to thinking, I don't want her in all my pictures. Should I just do it and get rid of her now? The reason I originally asked her to be in the wedding was, we've been friends for 14 years and I was her MOH.
Posted by Joanie425[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>Is it possible that there is something going on in her life that she hasn't told you about? Maybe she thinks she's going to lose her job, has found herself in an abusive relationship, or she has a family member with a serious illness or something? Maybe she needs YOU to be HER friend right now instead of being there for you doing wedding planning stuff.</div><div>
</div><div>Generally speaking, people don't change and turn into complete b*tches overnight unless there's something else going on. And if she has ALWAYS been like this, then you can't expect her to change all of the sudden just because it's your wedding.</div><div>
</div><div>If you're ready to end the friendship, then end it. But yeah, a 14-year friendship is a lot to throw away.

</div>

mrsbiss2be · August 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_firing-a-bridesmaid?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:d6996e3a-d86a-4c25-afb7-c620560034ecPost:36a18f5b-4c8b-4c85-8e73-d51ace5b1101">Firing a bridesmaid</a>:
[QUOTE]I need some suggestions please. My wedding is in two months. I have this one friend/bridesmaid who is beyond rude, treats everyone like crap, can't get it through her head that this is my wedding not hers. I kicked her out back in November but let her back in. She was good for a little while. But now she gets in to it with all the other girls, my fiancee's mother and sister, then runs and tells me about it after I've told her I don't want to know. She talks to me like I'm an idiot. ALL of the drama in this wedding had been caused by her. My fiancee can't stand her. I haven't talked to her in almost a month and it's been the most peaceful time. Honestly, after the wedding I'm planning on going my own way and wish her the best of luck. But then I get to thinking, I don't want her in all my pictures. Should I just do it and get rid of her now? The reason I originally asked her to be in the wedding was, we've been friends for 14 years and I was her MOH.
Posted by Joanie425[/QUOTE]

It sounds like no one likes her, including yourself. I don't know why your even questioning it. It's apparent that you already know the answer.

You most deffinately should not have her in the wedding party and as others put it, do not replace her. If she has bought a dress and any other wedding items I would suggest giving her the money back. I also suggest doing this all in person so you can rip off the bandaid quickly. Let her know how you feel, she is no longer a friend and pay her back all in one shot. Don't let it drag on and pay her down the road. This will only make the situation worse.

cwaggoner07 · August 2012

I think also this should be an anecdote on why you don't ask your wedding party until 6-9 months out. There is no reason to stick yourself with certain people so far out. I don't even know for sure, but I'm assuming this is what happened here.

Joanie425 · August 2012

Thanks everyone. I would offer to pay her back but my fiancee and I are paying for this wedding ourselves and we're watching every last penny. I can't afford to reimburse her right now. Also, she has plenty of money she likes to flaunt. So it's not like she's was hurting having to pay for her dress. I let the girls pick their own dresses and of course she picked a pretty pricey one. She text me yesterday asking to get together and discuss some concerns she has with the wedding. And it has to be Tuesday or Wednesday next week, and if I can't do that then we don't need to continue any further. I'm kinda thinking I can use this as my out. I'm not gonna let her tell me how things are going to be just because it's convenient for her. She's the kind of person who HAS to be the center of attention. She has this attitude of entitlement. And her being in the wedding is a reward. Gives her a chance to shine. I just need to do it and get it over with. Ahhh!!!!

gurrlballa10 · August 2012

Dang, I must have been doing something wrong all these years, because I have never collected a paycheck for being a bridesmaid.

Honestly, I have never encountered IRL these types of situations. When I see them on TK, I automatically assume the bride is the one who is drama filled and to me, this instance is no different.

courtski2004 · August 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_firing-a-bridesmaid?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:d6996e3a-d86a-4c25-afb7-c620560034ecPost:e2df7f99-b028-42f2-90f6-9542d7e0ab78">Re:Firing a bridesmaid</a>:
[QUOTE]Thanks everyone. I would offer to pay her back but my fiancee and I are paying for this wedding ourselves and we're watching every last penny.<strong> I can't afford to reimburse her right now. Also, she has plenty of money she likes to flaunt. So it's not like she's was hurting having to pay for her dress</strong>. I let the girls pick their own dresses and of course she picked a pretty pricey one. She text me yesterday asking to get together and discuss some concerns she has with the wedding. And it has to be Tuesday or Wednesday next week, and if I can't do that then we don't need to continue any further. I'm kinda thinking I can use this as my out. I'm not gonna let her tell me how things are going to be just because it's convenient for her. She's the kind of person who HAS to be the center of attention. She has this attitude of entitlement. And her being in the wedding is a reward. Gives her a chance to shine. I just need to do it and get it over with. Ahhh!!!!
Posted by Joanie425[/QUOTE]

It is not up to you to determine whether she needs the money or not. I know plenty of people who 'flaunt' to give the impression that they have money when in reality they are not doing that well. Even if she does have the money, it isn't for you to judge or use to justify your poor reasoning.

Think about it. Lets say the dress was $350 (thats what I consider to be 'pricy' for a BMaid dress). Is the frustration and anger all of this is causing you worth $350? If she totally ruins your PPD, would it have been worth that $350 for it to be MOH-free? Talk to her, and if in the end you decide to dismiss her, hand her an envelope with the cash. Just because she is acting like a tool doesn't mean you have to match wits and not do the right thing.

KatWAG · August 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_firing-a-bridesmaid?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:d6996e3a-d86a-4c25-afb7-c620560034ecPost:e2df7f99-b028-42f2-90f6-9542d7e0ab78">Re:Firing a bridesmaid</a>:
[QUOTE]Thanks everyone. I would offer to pay her back but my fiancee and I are paying for this wedding ourselves and we're watching every last penny.<strong> I can't afford to reimburse her right now. Also, she has plenty of money she likes to flaunt. So it's not like she's was hurting having to pay for her dress.</strong> I let the girls pick their own dresses and of course she picked a pretty pricey one. She text me yesterday asking to get together and discuss some concerns she has with the wedding. And it has to be Tuesday or Wednesday next week, and if I can't do that then we don't need to continue any further. I'm kinda thinking I can use this as my out. I'm not gonna let her tell me how things are going to be just because it's convenient for her. She's the kind of person who HAS to be the center of attention. <strong>She has this attitude of entitlement. And her being in the wedding is a reward. Gives her a chance to shine</strong>. I just need to do it and get it over with. Ahhh!!!!
Posted by Joanie425[/QUOTE]

WOW. I think its you with the sense of entitlement.

If you are going to fire her from your wedding you need to pay her back immediately. Neither her or your financial situations matter.

KatWAG · August 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_firing-a-bridesmaid?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:d6996e3a-d86a-4c25-afb7-c620560034ecPost:fcdde821-60c6-4b9d-8238-b19a8a77339f">Re: Firing a bridesmaid</a>:
[QUOTE]i understand and i am going threw samething of firing a bridesmaid and a groomsman. i am tired of them useing me and<strong> never around when i need something</strong>. i thought they were friends.tony and i are always having to help them with money and everything else. they spoil our beach trip because had to fork out 200.00 more dollar and other exspense money that we did not have. they are always bumming rides off of us . i and tony are tired of it.
Posted by sheribear1970[/QUOTE]

Please work on your spelling and grammar.

Also, your BMs don't work for you. All they need to do is buy the dress, show up on time, mostly sober and smile for pictures. If you need help with something ask your Fi or hire a wedding planner.

harjess · August 2012

We were going to have a BIG wedding. We did everything and then all the drama came. So we called it off but before we did I had to fire one of my bridesmaids and her and I are still good friends. It's not the end of the world she understood and agreed with what I told her.

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_firing-a-bridesmaid?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:d6996e3a-d86a-4c25-afb7-c620560034ecPost:36a18f5b-4c8b-4c85-8e73-d51ace5b1101">Firing a bridesmaid</a>:
[QUOTE]I need some suggestions please. My wedding is in two months. I have this one friend/bridesmaid who is beyond rude, treats everyone like crap, can't get it through her head that this is my wedding not hers. I kicked her out back in November but let her back in. She was good for a little while. But now she gets in to it with all the other girls, my fiancee's mother and sister, then runs and tells me about it after I've told her I don't want to know. She talks to me like I'm an idiot. ALL of the drama in this wedding had been caused by her. My fiancee can't stand her. I haven't talked to her in almost a month and it's been the most peaceful time. Honestly, after the wedding I'm planning on going my own way and wish her the best of luck. But then I get to thinking, I don't want her in all my pictures. Should I just do it and get rid of her now? The reason I originally asked her to be in the wedding was, we've been friends for 14 years and I was her MOH.
Posted by Joanie425[/QUOTE]

gurrlballa10 · August 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_firing-a-bridesmaid?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:d6996e3a-d86a-4c25-afb7-c620560034ecPost:ad976f42-4163-418e-99b2-513e6271b1ca">Re: Firing a bridesmaid</a>:
[QUOTE]We were going to have a BIG wedding. We did everything and then all the drama came. So we called it off but before we did I had to fire one of my bridesmaids and her and I are still good friends. It's not the end of the world she understood and agreed with what I told her. In Response to Firing a bridesmaid :
Posted by harjess[/QUOTE]

If one of my "good" friends told me that I was in the wedding and then said "ohhh, sorry, no can do", I'd be hard pressed to even go to the wedding after that. I guarantee 100% you hurt your friend by doing this, and she just didn't say anything about it.

mrsbiss2be · August 2012

I hope your kidding about not paying her back!?! I really don't care if she has all the money in the world. She bought her dress for YOUR wedding! She may be a pain in the a$$ but even if you don't have the money you have an obligation to give that back to her if YOU are deciding to not have her as your MOH anymore.

I'm starting to agree with the rest on here and starting to think part of the problem is you as well! I really think you have your priorities backwards!

You could end this next week, but you'd rather act childish and use it as an "out" and not go on her terms. Geesh...grow up and take some responsibility!

maribeth721 · August 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_firing-a-bridesmaid?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:d6996e3a-d86a-4c25-afb7-c620560034ecPost:57e0f5e3-e661-4cf2-888f-eb1f7d861746">Re: Firing a bridesmaid</a>:
[QUOTE]How old are you guys? I can't imagine all this going on during my wedding planning.
Posted by cwaggoner07[/QUOTE]

lol - thats what I was thinking!

sugeirinunez · August 2012

I agree with most comment ,friendship is more important than just one day .work thinks out with your friend and find a solution,maybe a day out for lunch can help you catch up with her and you can start a better relationship w your friend .kicking out a friend from wedding is not nice at all.

MyNameIsNot · August 2012

I call MUD.

If this is real, I recommend you grow up before considering getting married.

samantha24p · August 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_firing-a-bridesmaid?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:d6996e3a-d86a-4c25-afb7-c620560034ecPost:211457c7-ffa9-409c-bd15-74830fae8c0f">Re: Firing a bridesmaid</a>:
[QUOTE]I call MUD. If this is real, I recommend you grow up before considering getting married.
Posted by MyNameIsNot[/QUOTE]

I hope so. This is overly juvenile.

sugeirinunez · August 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_firing-a-bridesmaid?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:d6996e3a-d86a-4c25-afb7-c620560034ecPost:b7bc429f-0b07-4c09-8021-357fcb9193d2">Re: Firing a bridesmaid</a>:
[QUOTE]I bet my next year's salary that they're leaving nasty comments on each other's facebook pages, too. Any takers?
Posted by RetreadBride[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>lol I think this post your comment are cool .. but some people take it to far.I have posted before asking for a good honest advice and I got some really good ones that actually made me understand that i was wrong.However I think they should be a little nicer. My opinion faces book is a waste of time.

</div>

QueerFemme · August 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_firing-a-bridesmaid?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:d6996e3a-d86a-4c25-afb7-c620560034ecPost:9a2fb257-f3a3-41ad-9f3a-de78ed4b7090">Re: Firing a bridesmaid</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Firing a bridesmaid : lol I think this post your comment are cool .. but some people take it to far.I have posted before asking for a good honest advice and I got some really good ones that actually made me understand that i was wrong.However I think they should be a little nicer. My opinion faces book is a waste of time.
Posted by sugeirinunez[/QUOTE]

huh?

samantha24p · August 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_firing-a-bridesmaid?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:d6996e3a-d86a-4c25-afb7-c620560034ecPost:9a2fb257-f3a3-41ad-9f3a-de78ed4b7090">Re: Firing a bridesmaid</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Firing a bridesmaid : lol I think this post your comment are cool .. but some people take it to far.I have posted before asking for a good honest advice and I got some really good ones that actually made me understand that i was wrong.However I think they should be a little nicer. My opinion faces book is a waste of time.
Posted by sugeirinunez[/QUOTE]

I'm sorry but I'm not sure what you're trying to say.

Firing a bridesmaid

Re: Firing a bridesmaid

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