Parents name on invitation

ChrissyNY · August 2010

My mother is paying for the majority of our wedding, and so is traditionally the host of our wedding. My fiances parents, on the other hand have not given a dime to our wedding fund (not because they dont want to, but because they dont have the money) and he insists they are included on the invitation. I told my mom that he wants his parents names and she freaked, saying its a slap in the face to her and my father.
He argues that his parents are not "chopped liver" and we are the hosts of our wedding.. How do i deal with this??? HELP!

Lisa8888 · August 2010

The host of your wedding is the person(s) that is paying. You can't host a wedding if you don't pay.

Since your mother is paying the majority of the expense, she is the host. His parents' name do not belong on the invitation at all. I can understand why your mother is upset.

jnc1113 · August 2010

Whether this is proper ettiquette or not (probably not, but I know so little about that!), I received an invite once that said,

Mr. and Mrs. Bride's Parents
blah blah blah
to the marriage of their daughter,
Bride
to
Groom
son of Mr. and Mrs. Groom's Parents.

It didn't implicitly imply that his parents were involved in the finances or wedding planning, but it at least acknowledged them in a way. Just a suggestion!!!

megk8oz · August 2010

To my knowledge, only the people hosting the wedding get their names on the invites, at least from the "etiquette" stand point (So if his parents aren't contributing, they wouldn't be listed).

I really can't tell you what the "right" thing to do is here, because it is your mom's money, but it also is your FI's wedding, too. If I were in your shoes, I think I would base the wording off of who is paying for the invites. Like if you and your FI are covering those, use the wording that you like. But if your mom is paying for the invites as well, then she kind of gets a say, too (Although, I do think she's kind of over-reacting here. I don't see the big deal).

Personally, I honestly think naming all the parents by name on the invite just takes up way too much space regardless of who is paying, so I'm a big fan of

"Together with our families/parents, John Smith and Jane Jones invite you to celebrate their marriage".

trix1223 · August 2010

I think your parents are being petty. And I think you should be supporting your FI. If he wants his parents on the invitation, what's the big deal?

I think that putting the name of the people who raised the man you love enough to pledge your life to should be a no-brainer to you, and frankly, as a recent MOB, to your parents as well.

jnc gave great advice about how to word the invitation. It's exactly what I would have said.

Sapphire1002 · August 2010

Ditto to PP. Why not support the FI's family? It's not as if they are choosing not to contribute, they simply don't have it.

My FI's Mom isn't helping to pay for the wedding (though she's offered) b/c she's a widow and semi-retired.

We included her on the invitation because I thought it was the right thing to do..

MairePoppy · August 2010

I'm an MOB, my husband and I are contributing substantially to my DD's wedding. I have no idea if FSIL's parents have offered to help with the wedding. It's not my business. When parents are listed on the invitation, it simply means they are hosting, not necessarily paying.
Your mom is being disrespectful by ignoring your wishes and your fi's feelings. If your mom won't budge, jnc's wording is a very nice compromise.

FutureMrsMcDaniel · August 2010

My parents helped pay for the wedding and are technically 'hosting'. My FI's mother has not helped financially. That's okay. I don't think of it as penalizing FMIL because she's not helping.

I'm not going to say what's best for your situation, but I am a little more traditional in this situation. I think the names listed on the invite are normally those who are hosting. I don't understand why it's so important that your FILs names be on the invite if they aren't hosting. And how do your FILs feel about all this? All we know if how your FI feels. I think it's more important to find out how they feel about this situation.

Muffin'sMom · August 2010

What Maire said!

MobKaz · August 2010

As a MOB, we are hosting almost exclusively our daughter's wedding. However, we adore our future son-in-law, and are quite friendly with his folks. Although we do refer to customs and traditions, we do not feel BOUND by them. Many, many people honestly do not even really know how to "decipher" the traditional wedding invitation wording nowadays. Out of love for our future son-in-law, and in respect of his parents, we are wording our invitations this way:

Wedding Invitation Wording Etiquette
Many rules apply to wording and addressing invitations. Here are some of the basics to ensure yours are “faux pas-free”:

Dates and times should be spelled out (half after four o’clock in the evening, not 4:30pm, and the twenty-second of April, not April 22)
Mr. and Mrs. are abbreviated and Jr. may be, but the title Doctor should be spelled out
No punctuation is used, except after abbreviations and between the city and state.
An invitation to just the wedding ceremony does not include an R.S.V.P
“Hosting” the wedding can mean anything from a set of parents helping to plan the event, inviting the guests, or covering the costs:

MobKaz · August 2010

OOPS....that post was supposed to conclude with:
If one set is hosting but you want to include the other set as well, note their names under their son/daughter’s name.

Lisa8888 · August 2010

Hosting means paying. It doesn't matter why the FI's family is not paying, they are not paying and therefore they can't host. If FI's family doesn't like that, then they can split the cost and then they can co-host.

It is incredibly rude to the bride's mother who is actually paying for the bulk of this wedding to diminish her and list the FI's family. The one who pays gets the honor of having their name on the invitations.

futuremrsmattehrlich · August 2010

I am using Together with our parents, we then our names invite you to join us. We are paying for most of the wedding our selves with a little help from both of our parents.

lmcit23 · August 2010

My parents feel the same way - they are the hosts they are paying - they have their name only on the invitation. If his parents offered to pay for anything to help mine out it would have been accepted and their names would be on the invitation also. This is how my parents wanted it and I did not object and neither did my fiance.

Parents name on invitation

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