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Who to choose for the WP??

leesa1001leesa1001 member
Third Anniversary First Comment
in Wedding Party
Years ago I was close to my 2 younger sisters, but we are not that close anymore and frankly, they get on my last nerve whenever I am around them.  Not to mention my FH doesn't really like either one of them.  We are planning a Vegas wedding, which I know neither of them can pay to go to, but I know my mom would pony up the money for both of them.  I would much rather have my 2 close girlfriends be there for me.  How do I not invite my sisters?
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Re: Who to choose for the WP??

  • mbcdefgmbcdefg member
    10000 Comments 5 Love Its Combo Breaker
    When's the wedding?
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  • leesa1001leesa1001 member
    Third Anniversary First Comment
    Not sure yet...in a year or two.  We are just starting to plan.
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  • kristeno90kristeno90
    1000 Comments
    It is YOUR wedding. You only get to do this once (hopefully) so pick the people who you will look baack and be glad you had by your side.
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  • mbcdefgmbcdefg member
    10000 Comments 5 Love Its Combo Breaker
    edited April 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_choose-wp?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:45c0b504-b220-4e9e-8c9b-3d8b301b528cPost:c83cb9b2-8a95-4ac9-91b0-f0b488ad44c2">Re: Who to choose for the WP??</a>:
    [QUOTE]Not sure yet...in a year or two.  We are just starting to plan.
    Posted by leesa1001[/QUOTE]

    Wait until you have a solid date (as in, ceremony/reception venue contracts signed and deposits put down) before you even <strong><em>start</em></strong> to worry about a bridal party. You have much more important details to hammer down right now, and it's unwise to ask someone to participate in an event that's not even planned yet. Plus, you're relationship with your sisters and friends might change in the meantime, for better or for worse, so the bridesmaid lineup you'd pick today might be vastly different from the one you'd pick six months from now. Once you ask, you can't un-ask without ending the friendship.

    When the time comes (maybe about 8-10 months before your solid wedding date), ask your closest friends. If you don't want someone in the wedding party then just don't ask them. Don't sit them down and explain why you didn't choose them ... and if they are rude enough to ask why, <strong>never </strong>use "You couldn't afford it" as an excuse.

    However, keep in mind that some families will start World War III if siblings are excluded from a wedding party. If that's the case with your family, think about whether it's more worth it to stand your ground and fight with them, or just ask them to participate ... all they'd have to do is get the dresses and stand in the ceremony and that's all. They don't have to help you plan or be your best buddies. It's not a sin to not ask them, but on the flip side it might not be a battle worth fighting.

    And if you were to ask your sisters to be bridesmaids, then you can still ask your friends to be bridesmaids as well. Even if your fiance only wants two groomsmen.
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  • leesa1001leesa1001 member
    Third Anniversary First Comment
    It probably would start WWIII, because my sisters are close with eachother and my mother.  I am also close with my mother, and she will be the one pushing for us to be together.  My FH and I joked about planning a "vacation" with our friends and just keep the wedding planning under wraps, but I am starting to think that might be the way to go. (The wedding is not going to be big in any sense...just us and a couple of friends with a big reception party when we get home)
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  • jagore08jagore08 member
    Seventh Anniversary 5000 Comments 5 Love Its Combo Breaker
    I completely agree with malphabet.  There have been many brides that come on here because their families are upset that they didn't have siblings in the wedding or they already asked their best friends but now they aren't as close to them.  Just wait until you have a concrete date and you're about 8-9 months away from your wedding date to ask anyone to be in the wedding party.  In the long run it will save you a lot of headaches.
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  • mbcdefgmbcdefg member
    10000 Comments 5 Love Its Combo Breaker
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_choose-wp?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:45c0b504-b220-4e9e-8c9b-3d8b301b528cPost:fcfd335b-2e49-40c3-9c52-d719e1da95d6">Re: Who to choose for the WP??</a>:
    [QUOTE]It probably would start WWIII, because my sisters are close with eachother and my mother.  I am also close with my mother, and she will be the one pushing for us to be together.  My FH and I joked about planning a "vacation" with our friends and just keep the wedding planning under wraps, but I am starting to think that might be the way to go. (The wedding is not going to be big in any sense...just us and a couple of friends with a big reception party when we get home)
    Posted by leesa1001[/QUOTE]

    So just wait until you have some more definite plans in place, and then worry about a bridal party.

    Also, if you're just going to Vegas with some friends and doing a low-key wedding, is it even necessary to have a bridal party?

    If you say it'll start World War III with your family if your sisters aren't bridesmaids, then how would they feel if you said, "Surprise, we got married in Vegas last week and only our friends came!"? I know my parents would've been pissed if my husband and I had eloped by ourselves, but they would've been FURIOUS if we had some friends there and no family members.

    (Not saying that you can't elope, or get married with friends and no family, if that's what you truly want.)
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  • leesa1001leesa1001 member
    Third Anniversary First Comment
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_choose-wp?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:45c0b504-b220-4e9e-8c9b-3d8b301b528cPost:f5162a1c-f869-4926-8327-778355bfe721">Re: Who to choose for the WP??</a>:
    [QUOTE]it's unwise to ask someone to participate in an event that's not even planned yet. Posted by mbcdefg[/QUOTE]

    In planning our wedding, my friends are quite involved and I want them to help us pick a date to travel across the country that will also work for them. I guess my real problem here is that I would like my mother to be there (she wouldn't care if she went or not) but she will want my sisters to be there too and I don't.  I just feel bad for not wanting to include them because they are my sisters and I do love them, I just don't want to be around them and I don't really know how to convey that. 
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  • mbcdefgmbcdefg member
    10000 Comments 5 Love Its Combo Breaker
    How old are your sisters? And how old are you?

    And when you say that you don't want to be around them, why is that? Are they really mean, do they dislike your FI, have they stolen stuff from you? Or are they just annoying and your personalities don't vibe?

    If they've genuinely been cruel to you, I can understand not wanting them there. Something cruel enough to make you cut the relationship with them entirely.
     
    But it seems like you still have a relationship with them and you just find them annoying to be around ... which, in my opinion, isn't a very good reason to not invite them to your wedding. If you want an honest opinion, it's very childish to not invite them because of that. They're always going to be your family, and if you plan on having any kind of relationship with them in the future (even just spending an hour at Thanksgiving with them and then going home), it would be a pretty dumb idea to tell them that they are not welcome at your wedding.

    You say that you guys aren't really close, and that they don't have the money to be there (although Mom would probably pay for them). Dollars to donuts says you invite them and they either (a) decline, or (b) show up, watch the wedding and then go do their own thing.

    It's your wedding and you can do what you want, but if you want an honest opinion then I think you'd be making a big mistake not to at least invite them as guests.
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