Does my only blood sister have to be my Maid of Honor?

kaylaheeter · February 2010

My sister and I have been close before, but our relationship is kind of like a roller coaster. Our personalities are completely opposite, and we live in two different states. We hardly ever talk (maybe once every few weeks, and most of the time it's informational conversation, never really anything deep). I love her very much, and I always thought it was assumed she'd be my maid of honor, and I'd be hers, but the two of us never see eye to eye on anything, and now that the decision making time is here, I don't know what to do. If she weren't my sister, she wouldn't be qualified for the job (as business as that sounds). I want my best friend to be my maid of honor, the one who's been there for me and supportive of my entire relationship with my fiance, unlike my sister, but I feel like my family, including my sister, will all be disappointed in me and offended if I don't choose my sister, and I don't want bad feelings roaming around on the big day. My sister would still be a bridesmaid, next in line, just not the maid of honor. I thought I had made the decision to have the Maid of honor be my best friend, but I keep feeling guilty over it, like my sister will always be holding something over my head...

bablingbrooke · February 2010

Do you HAVE to? No.

But you mention fearing that she'll hold it over your head. Is that a legitimate concern based on her personality, or is that a less likely worst case scenario?

I had my sister as MOH. She and I don't speak for months at a time, are polar opposites in every conceivable way, and she's just mean to me. I knew it would be hell to pay to NOT make her MOH (especially since DH's only brother was going to be BM and in a greek orthodox ceremony the MOH and BM play a role so it actually did kind of matter). So I did. She was an immature brat. I have no regrets. I would do it again. Just food for thought.

I think having your sister as BM instead of MOH is no cardinal sin--I think it would be bad to not have her in the wedding at all, but it looks like she's in, it's all a question of title. The way I look at it, the titles really only matter to the people who hold them. Most people really don't care who your MOH is, especially if they don't know her. Everyone will assume the person standing closest to you is MOH, whether she actually is or isn't. You could have co-MOH, or no MOH, or have your friend and your sister will have to deal. Lots of options, none of them "wrong."

aerinpegadrak · February 2010

There are two posters here who both had their nightmare sisters as their MOHs, and they have no regrets.

MOH isn't a job. She has to get the dress, show up on time, stand respectfully for the ceremony, and smile for pictures. That's it. Anything else she chooses to do is just a bonus. Don't choose someone else just because you think they'll help you plan, run wedding errands, or throw you parties. It never, never, ever ends well.

trix1223 · February 2010

My DD initially thought she'd have her best college friend as her MOH. She ultimately decided to choose her sister instead. She never regretted it, and I think our youngest dtr. was delighted.

Only you can really know if there will be future ramifications. The only thing that I will say is that in most cases, friendships come and go (even those you swear are "forever") but your family is always, always your family.

I had four of my absolute best ever, forever and ever friends as BMs in my wedding. My sister was MOH. 31+ years later, want to guess the single only woman I still see? Yup, my sister.

mbcdefg · February 2010

Normally I would advise to choose your closest friend. But in some families, it's expected for a sister to be MOH, and in that case it might not be worth the aggrivation from your sister and/or parents to make a friend the MOH.

How many other bridesmaids do you have? You could have two Maids of Honor and divvy up the "duties" (stand next to you at the ceremony and hold the bouquet/ring, fluff the train, etc. ... sign the license ... give a toast). Or just not designate a MOH at all, and ask each of the girls to do one of these things. If it will please your sister and your parents, let your sister stand next to you during the ceremony, so that she gets the "recognition" as MOH.

It's really your call. There are no rules as to who your MOH *must* be. Heck, you don't even need one at all. It's really a meaningless title when you boil right down to it. I don't think it'd be wrong to make the friend your MOH, but I also think that it might not be worth the hard feelings that'd come with denying your sister the title. The wedding and the MOH title only last a little while, but your relationship with her and your parents will hopefully last for a VERY long time.

My vote - I would make your sister MOH if it will keep the peace. I think your friend would understand. If you feel that the friend's been especially helpful and supportive, I'd write her a note or take her out for dinner and tell her that. That might mean a lot more to her than the "reward" of the MOH title.

lalap69 · February 2010

It might not be worth the drama if you choose to make your sister "only" a BM. If you're really feeling torn between your sister and your best friend, considering asking them both to be your MOH and letting them split any tasks the day of (i.e. one signs the marriage license, another holds your bouquet).

melaniejonathan2010 · February 2010

I was thinking the same thing when I first started planning my wedding. I only have one blood sister and frankly she's not the MOH type!! I was just the MOH in my best friend's wedding so I was wondering the same thing. At the end of the day, she's my sister! So I chose both of them. My bff is my Matron and my sis is the maid. That way we're all happy and noone's feelings are hurt(even though my sis is not always cooperative)

trix1223 · February 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_only-blood-sister-maid-of-honor?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:b195ffbf-c2f8-4342-bfa0-d3a127842f86Post:f9c1e129-b305-460a-9be6-4c4b97673206">Re: Does my only blood sister have to be my Maid of Honor?</a>:
[QUOTE]I was thinking the same thing when I first started planning my wedding. I only have one blood sister and frankly she's not the MOH type!! I was just the MOH in my best friend's wedding so I was wondering the same thing. At the end of the day, she's my sister! So I chose both of them. My bff is my Matron and my sis is the maid. That way we're all happy and noone's feelings are hurt(even though my sis is not always cooperative)
Posted by melaniejonathan2010[/QUOTE]

What exactly is a "MOH type"?

RogueQueen · February 2010

My Twin (my only sister) is one of my bridemaids and my best friend of 16 years is my MOH. Honestly when i first got engaged i didn't even pause to think who would be my bridesmaid and who would be my MOH, it's my day, ti has alway been in my head that way, my sister and i are not close and i have been promising this honor to my best friend for sixteen years. My family has questioned my choice on occaision (and some of them have pretty strong opinions) but in the end it doenst bather my sister, my best friend or myself. So i say do what you want to do, your planning on only getting married once, make it YOUR day not what everyone thinks it should be.

bowlerchick1705 · February 2010

I disagree my little sister (who is 3 years younger) and i have a rollercoaster relationship too. The fact of the matter is i know she can't handel being the MOH, shes been really cool about it too for the most part i keep her in with the planning sometimes and she throws fits. Like when we went to go get bridesmaids dress's she flipped out she hates the ones i picked out but honestly i really dont care lol its my day not hers and if she chooses for me not to be apart of her day thats ok with me.... She just doesnt have the patience to help me with anything so i made my best friend my MOH... which i know by making this person my MOH she will give me a great bachelorette party, she helps me plan and make desicions and can handel all the running around with me to get stuff done......

trix1223 · February 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_only-blood-sister-maid-of-honor?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:b195ffbf-c2f8-4342-bfa0-d3a127842f86Post:a12a6783-356f-4d47-b543-5d03f5714bb9">Re: Does my only blood sister have to be my Maid of Honor?</a>:
[QUOTE]I disagree my little sister (who is 3 years younger) and i have a rollercoaster relationship too. The fact of the matter is i know she can't handel being the MOH, shes been really cool about it too for the most part i keep her in with the planning sometimes and she throws fits. Like when we went to go get bridesmaids dress's she flipped out she hates the ones i picked out but honestly i really dont care lol its my day not hers and if she chooses for me not to be apart of her day thats ok with me.... <strong>She just doesnt have the patience to help me with anything so i made my best friend my MOH... which i know by making this person my MOH she will give me a great bachelorette party, she helps me plan and make desicions and can handel all the running around with me to get stuff done......</strong>
Posted by bowlerchick1705[/QUOTE]

The absolute worst reasons to choose any member of your WP, much less your MOH. Choosing a WP for the great b-party they'll give you is beyond shallow. And expecting them to "handel" all the running around with you is lame.

melaniejonathan2010 · February 2010

In reply to this question: What exactly is a "MOH type"? When I said my sister is not the MOH type, Im saying she is not the person to be my right hand girl. Not in a negative way, but she doesnt like dresses, the whole girlie thing, or weddings that much. She's like a boy in a girl's body. But I love her the same. LOL

LauraMosk263 · February 2010

why not have 2? I have one sister so of course she is MoH , but she is younger, further away, and though I love her very much, she is seemingly disinterested. My college roommate and best friend is serving as MoH2, and while sis is number 1, best friend understands the situation and is honored to serve as MoH2.

Does my only blood sister have to be my Maid of Honor?

Re: Does my only blood sister have to be my Maid of Honor?

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