I'm so overwhelmed

Re: I'm so overwhelmed

• divinemsbee member

  

  July 2012

  As long as whatever guests you invite are properly hosted, you're pretty covered on the not being rude front. I would try to open a line of communication with his family. Maybe Facebook? Especially when you find out when you're able to do it, you'll want to talk to his family about who they'd like to invite, and trying to go through your FI in Japan sounds like a horrible game of telephone, especially if he's busy. If he wants to be involved, a great thing to do is narrow things down to two or three options and send him those and let him help choose things. If you're going for a bigger and/or more traditional wedding, there are things you can totally do before your have a date set: pick your colors, pick your bridal party and have their dresses picked out and possibly ordered, get your dress/shoes (if you haven't, you may be too late to order one from a boutique, but there are some great second-hand ones to be found on some reputable websites), figure out what sort of centerpieces/ decor you want and go ahead and do your DIY. These are all things I would do ASAP if you're set on a November date. 

  
  

  Don't let The Knot checklist stress you out in terms of timeline. It's great for keeping up with what needs to be done, but don't worry about timing. A lot of people on here have pulled together smashing weddings in the time you have. I'd look into venues that are all inclusive so that you have less to worry about once you have a date. Also, a Friday or Sunday may be available even if a Saturday isn't. Maybe talk to venues in your area and see which dates in late November they have open, and check back once you have a better idea of timeframe. Once you know your timeframe, call your VIPs (another good reason to go ahead and be speaking to his family) and give them the options of dates and choose what works best for the majority (you can't please everyone, but try to get a consensus). The second you nail down the venue, let your people who will be traveling know so they can book what they need to. Late November can get expensive quickly in terms of travel.  Realize that if it's really near Thanksgiving you might get fewer people able to make it. 

  
  

  
  

  

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• calindi member

  

  July 2012

  Weddings only have to be as complicated as you want to make them.  Don't stress!
  
  Step one - you can't really do too much until he does get leave.  So in the meantime, you can get a dress, pick out bridesmaids dresses, pick colors that you like, guest list, budget, and start figuring out flowers or ceremony structure that you like - whether you want to get married in a church or by a JOP is a big decision, and one that can be made ahead of time.  If you decide you want to get married in a church, you can ask them what prerequisites they have in order to get married there so you can start getting that stuff taken care of ahead of time.  You can also start scoping out venues so that when you have a date, you can see which of them have availability.
  
  Step two - pick a venue that combines as much as possible to minimize work and stress.  DIY projects in 3 months are only going to add stress - it will be a lot less stressful if you go with package deals.  Some of the 'wedding factories' are experts in menus & decorations, and can make the whole process very easy for you.

  
  
  
  
  
  

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• crownsuperstar member

  

  July 2012

  Divine and Cali have such wonderful suggestions.  I fully agree with The Knot checklist.  It was so overwhelming for me.  It made me feel like the worst bride ever.  I think they just put every little detail on there, nice but can look like a lot of stuff that really isn't.
  
  I would also suggest that you send pictures of venues, colors, list of music and stuff like that to your FI. I know our DJ had a website that we built all of our play lists for cocktail hour, entrance, dinner and dancing.  It was so easy. That is something that can be done with him gone.  H and I were long distance (although not 6000 miles) but we managed to get a really nice wedding done.  Are there nice parks or things like that for your venue?  That could be an easy place to hold a service. I would suggest that anything you do you get a military clause just incase his leave gets changed or something like you will not be out of all that money.
  
  Welcome to the board and yes it can be very stressful but like Cali said if you get a place that does weddings all of the time then they can be very helpful with things like pre-selected menus.
  
  
  
  

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• iluvmytxrgr member

  

  July 2012 edited July 2012

  People always have this idea that you have to include the military in your wedding when you marry a service member.  You don't have to include anything, if you don't want to.  It's all up to you.  He can choose to wear his uniform or wear a tux.  There are no requirements.  

  Try to relax.  You have plenty of time.  Heck, I planned my in two weeks.  Other ladies on here have done it in less than three months.  You can too.  

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• infamousris member

  

  August 2012

  I know, it's overwhelming. My fiance is in the Navy as well,.. Fortunately, I have him here (for now). Like everyone else said, as long as your guests have a good time and you both are happy, do what YOU want to do! We have no idea when we can have our wedding either, because he is due to relocate to another command (and we have no idea where). Both of our families live in NJ while he is stationed in Chicago. There is no way I can begin planning this wedding when I have no idea where we'll be for next year. So I took an idea from a friend of mine, who did a private ceremony for just her and her fiance, and the following year they did a commitment ceremony and reception for friends and family.
  We hired a judge and are getting married out in the city of Chicago in a few weeks! I got a casual yet pretty dress, and he is wearing his uniform. As you may know, it'll help to get all the paperwork done. We will get this out of the way, and then do a larger celebration next year. I am sure next year I will have to plan in a short amount of time. Looking over the lists on the Knot, I notice MANY things I will not do.
  But it's really up to you. If you want a larger wedding with most traditions, you may have to make some compromises .I totally cut out announcements, engagement party, I probably will not get married in a church, and I am going to have to pick a venue that is able to be booked on short notice. Worry about those types of things: anything that has to be planned way in advance (venue, cake, dress), try and get those out of the way by at least making a short list of what you MAY want to do, and leave room for adjustments. Then, when the time comes that you know the date, you make some calls, ask for major favors, do what you have to do! Trust me, for a military wedding, some and maybe even most traditions might have to be thrown to the wind.
  We sat down and figured out what was really important  to us. That was : what we say to one another (the vows), the most important people we want to see us commit to one another (this makes the guest list smaller and venues will be easier and more various, my dress (this is something that i can get done no matter what the day)... things of that nature.
  So i hired a judge that will do the vows we want. There are plenty of officiants out there - one that you like is bound to be available. I made a major compromise - I am basically having 2 weddings. One, just us. And the other - for the friends and family that will be there no matter how short the notice.
  Good luck with everything. Take a deep breath. Make a list of what you really want, and then make another of things you "may" want. Later on when you know the day, you can see if these "maybe's" can be incorporated. Being a military wife is one of the hardest positions on the planet. He's so lucky to have you, and you both are the most important part of all of this. Don;t freak out; it'll all work out!
  Best of luck!
  (Side note: I got really concerned about favors and gifts for the bridal party one day, I have no idea why. I searched on this sight, and saw a really great company that even had DiY ideas on their site. I decided I willl be giving a box of flower seeds to everyone on that day. It's easy, I can do it myself if I have to, there are always flower seeds available, and many companies do this. I was relieved to see quick, low-priced ideas for gifts.)
  Also - shop. Alot. I am shopping for this mini-wedding right now, and I have gone shopping almost every day after work for 2 weeks. (note, that's for the SMALLER of the ceremonies!) Maybe I am a bad shopper, but ultimately, I think everyone just wants to look their best. That requires visiting a lot of stores. I am going with new dress, shoes, bracelet, earrings, and lingerie. The lingerie for the dress I chose is proving to be the most difficult part. Just an FYI.
  
  
  In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_military-brides_im-so-overwhelmed?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:13Discussion:0ef449a2-9971-4da4-97a6-32735e6d911dPost:fd2d0f19-8974-41e3-8461-ebef826814f6">I'm so overwhelmed</a>:
  [QUOTE]My fiance is in the Navy, stationed in Japan and we still don't know when he'll get leave for the wedding so we still don't have a wedding date, but we should find out in September, and we're hoping for late November. My maid-of-honor recommended "the knot" to help with ideas and planning, but looking through everything, I realize I'm way behind and I don't know how I'll pull this off in less than 3 months and I'm so overwhelmed and just crying my eyes out right now.      Does anyone have any advice for military wedding planning? Are there any wedding "traditions" I can skip? Anything I can not bother with and not seem rude to family or guests? Since my fiance is over 6000 miles away and in such an opposite time zone, we don't get many opportunities to talk so he has little to no input on planning. Also, his dad and step-mom (who live out of town and will have to travel for the wedding) haven't contacted me at all since before we even got engaged (aside from an occasional "tell her we said hi" through my fiance). I have no idea what I'm supposed to do or where to start. Please help! 
  Posted by JenCRay[/QUOTE]

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