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CANCELLING BM!!!! HELP!!!!!!!!!!

yankeesprincess25yankeesprincess25
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in Moms and Maids
Ive been planning my wedding for almost 2 months, I am a bride with OCD so I have to plan everything to a T.  I had a luncheon with all my bm and MOH and my MOB stand in and my best friend who is not in the wedding but is helping with everything.  We all talked about the date to go pick dresses.  I want to see the styles on the girls so I know the best one for all of them together.  One of my oldest friends who is also a BM and is married to my fiancees cousin cancelled the luncheon and is now cancelling the shopping trip.  Even worse when I was talking to my MOH about the situation she said she had the same problem with this girl being in BM in her wedding!!  I am seriously worrying about how many things is she going to cancel for.  Do I replace her with someone else or do I just deal with it.  For the record when we set these dates for these things I talked it over with all my girls to pick the best date and time for everyone...the appt at the bridal store has been set for a month!!!!!!!

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Re: CANCELLING BM!!!! HELP!!!!!!!!!!

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    frogurt814frogurt814
    Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    You just deal with it.  She does not have to hang out with you and all of your BMs all the time.  Pick out a dress (after consulting everyone individually about their budgets), tell her which dress you picked out, and leave it up to her to order it on time.

    EDIT:  Also, why is your best friend not one of your BMs?  Not judging you, just wondering why you'd ask people to be BMs and not include your BFF?  Or maybe you did ask her, but she declined the offer.  Just wondering.
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    graysquirrelgraysquirrel member
    5 Love Its Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011

    If you have a real legit case of OCD, then I feel for you on this one. My MOH has OCD and I know how things get under her skin a lot of times. However, I agree with pp that if this one girl skips out, just keep on with your plans and forget about her for the day. If she doesn't want to be there or for some reason can't be, then pick what you want and tell her later what the deal is. Kicking someone out is a move that will destroy the friendship, and stepping back, a shopping trip would be a terrible thing to lose a friend over.

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    yankeesprincess25yankeesprincess25
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I did ask her and she was not comfortable being in the wedding because she is not the center of attention type so we choose together for her to help with the planning and making sure everything runs smoothly....she is very good at being bossy..lol.
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    TheCranberryTheCranberry member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Maybe this girl is just not into weddings.  Is she a good friend for you otherwise?  Then maybe something is going on in her life or she just doesn't want to do all of the wedding stuff.  Does she often flake out on plans (non WR)?  Then you knew she was like this at first.

    You definitely should not kick her out.  You can have a lunch without her, and you can pick a dress without her.  You gave her the opportunity to come or voice her opinion so if she doesn't like the final result that's too bad.
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    deepcovejackiedeepcovejackie
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Don't kick her out, and how do you think her "replacement" would feel about being a second choice.  Your BM has done nothing wrong.  She just needs to get the dress and show up.

    If you kick her out for this you will ruin your relationship with her and look like a huge bridezilla to everyone else.
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    yankeesprincess25yankeesprincess25
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Thank you all for your posts...this really helped a lot.  I wasnt trying to be mean or a bridezilla I was just afraid she wouldnt like the dresses or feel comfortable in them and I am worried that she wont get it altered also.  And I am also worried that everything wont be done on time....I guess I am just stressing out way to early....
    to graysquirrel...I have diagnosed OCD that my dr. is trying to control with medicine...it is absolutely horrible at times....I just hope I can work around it and not let it ruin my fun.
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    yankeesprincess25yankeesprincess25
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I know its early but we all talked about it and because we are all on a budget and the bridal store has a 6 month layaway is why we are picking dresses early and that also gives us time to buy our shoes, alterations, and dress accessories without having to shell out all the money at once.  I know its seems early to pick my bridal party however the three girls I have are my sister, my fiancees sister (who Ive been friends with for almost 20 years) and my friend since high school who is married to my fiancees closest cousin.  these are the girls I said would always be in my wedding and Ive been lucky enough that we have all stayed close for so many years.  believe it or not I already have booked my caterer, dj, hall, photographer, ceremony site, and I have been working with my florist too.  And really we are glad we have done all this, i was talking to a girl at a bridal show recently who has the same wedding date as I do and she is having a hard time finding vendors that she connects with and can afford as a lot of them are already booked for that day.  I was really suprised how long in advance this things book.
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    yankeesprincess25yankeesprincess25
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Thanks ladies...you all have been a big help,
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