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Engagement Party No-Shows

raggedbrideraggedbride
in Pre-wedding Parties
So we have a lot of friends who live out of town that we are inviting to the wedding and a lot of more casual friends who live in town that are not invited to the wedding.  We invited all to the Engagement Party because we are having a smaller destination wedding (not in town where we live or where our friends and family live).  A number of my in-town friends that are invited to the wedding did not come to the Engagement Party for various reasons.  They had sufficient notice.  I feel bad about this.  Is this something I should 'not take personally' or is it a wake up call for how true these friends really are?
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Re: Engagement Party No-Shows

  • AdeleDazeemAdeleDazeem member
    5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 25 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited December 2011
    Erm... anyone invited to the engagement party should have been invited to the wedding ceremony.  Engagement parties follow the same rules as showers.

    No, I wouldn't take it personally that they didn't show up.  People are busy and may have had other things scheduled that day, etc...  A wedding of a friend doesn't immediately become the center of their universe.

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  • marissa_clairemarissa_claire member
    1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    I echo Joy's thoughts exactly.  People will miss your wedding for reasons (even if some of them are stupid.)  So it makes perfect since that they would miss your engagement party for a variety of reasons as well.

    I think this might be a good time to tell you the following before you get too far into wedding planning:  no one will care about your wedding as much as you and your FI do.  Don't expect everyone to get giddy.  Don't expect your hundred closest friends to compete to be bridesmaids.  Don't be mad when your actual bridesmaids can't make it to every last thing.  Fact of the matter is that this wedding is the center of your life - while everyone else's life will continue to move on and be busy. 

     I'm not saying this to be mean, I'm saying it because a lot of people expect people to be super jazzed for them when a lot of this world just doesn't care that much about weddings.  
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  • SuMmErKuTiESuMmErKuTiE member
    2500 Comments Fourth Anniversary 5 Love Its Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    Ditto pp's it's a huge etiquette no-no to invite people to pre-wedding parties who aren't invited to the wedding itself.

    Like pp mentioned anyone invited to a party has the right to decline, and if they weren't invited to the wedding itself it's a good thing they declined. Everyone's lives are busy and we've all got a lot going on and we can't make every function we're invited to. I wouldn't be offended that your friends and/or family didn't show up to the e-party. They should be offended that they were invited to a pre-wedding party and not the actual wedding itself.
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  • trix1223trix1223 member
    5000 Comments 25 Love Its Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    It was an invitation, not a subpoena.  Get over it.
    "Trix, it's what they/our parents wanted. Why so judgemental? And why is your wedding date over a year and a half ago? And why do you not have a groom's name? And why have you posted over 12,000 posts? And why do you always say mean things to brides?" palegirl146
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  • NOLAbridealmostNOLAbridealmost member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary Name Dropper
    edited December 2011
    LOL, trix. 
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  • Hermine35Hermine35
    10 Comments
    edited December 2011
    We are having a destitation wedding in Tennessee with an engagement party ahead of time so that people who can't make it still feel like they are apart of our engagement and wedding.

    We can talk ettiquette all day long but don't feel bad about who does and doesn't come to you party. This is about you and your FI so as my mom told me "don't invite anyone who is going to stress you out"!
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  • trix1223trix1223 member
    5000 Comments 25 Love Its Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_pre-wedding-parties_engagement-party-shows?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:32Discussion:64b66504-147b-4e48-a626-6ebc0b1efcfePost:46a6c12c-cc3f-4f90-8801-ec7af411fdf2">Re: Engagement Party No-Shows</a>:
    [QUOTE]<strong>We are having a destitation wedding in Tennessee with an engagement party ahead of time so that people who can't make it still feel like they are apart of our engagement and wedding.</strong> We can talk ettiquette all day long but don't feel bad about who does and doesn't come to you party. This is about you and your FI so as my mom told me "don't invite anyone who is going to stress you out"!
    Posted by Hermine35[/QUOTE]

    Are you inviting those people to Tennessee?  If so you can, according to etiquette invite them to an e-party, but it you're not, they absolutely should not be invited to any prewedding events. 

    It's your choice to have a DW.  And when adults make choices, they live with the consequences of their decisions.  And in this case, it might mean no prewedding parties, without looking like a gimme pig.
    "Trix, it's what they/our parents wanted. Why so judgemental? And why is your wedding date over a year and a half ago? And why do you not have a groom's name? And why have you posted over 12,000 posts? And why do you always say mean things to brides?" palegirl146
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  • lilcasserslilcassers member
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Do not take it personally. Just because they cannot come does not mean they don't love you and are not happy for you. Your wedding day is really the only time that best friends should be there. And probably the bach & shower if they can..
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