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No bridal shower offer

SarahBartonSarahBarton member
First Comment
in Pre-wedding Parties
My family is supportive of my wedding, but no one has made a very big deal out of it and I have been organizing every detail myself. I'm 8 months out now (been engaged with a date set since Sept. 09) and have not yet heard any talk about a bridal shower. I honestly don't know if my sister or mother realize they are supposed to be planning this. Also the extended family will assume that they are, so they won't throw one. Am I getting ahead of myself here, should I just wait? I really want a bridal shower with all my female relatives, I would be heartbroken without one. This only happens once! Should I drop hints to my sister or flat out tell her the tradition?
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Re: No bridal shower offer

  • AdeleDazeemAdeleDazeem member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its Name Dropper First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Oh my.  Should you drop hints?  No.  Should you flat out ask your sister to throw you a party?  No.

    Anyone may throw you a bridal shower except YOU.  So the burden doesn't really lie with either your sister or your mother.  In fact, the tradition was for a long time that immediate family shouldn't throw showers.  But, in some places, that isn't a big deal anymore.

    Your wedding is 8 months away, but even if it was 8 weeks away, I'd still suggest that you relax.  Whatever is going to happen is going to happen.  You can't force anyone to throw you a party and you will still be just as married if you don't have a shower.



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  • NatandIsaacNatandIsaac
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Bridal showers generally take place 1-2 months before the wedding, and I cannot imagine why they would take more than 1-2 months to plan. I wouldn't worry about this at all for several months.
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  • waltzingmatilda13waltzingmatilda13 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    It is still a long way off to worry about whether or not you will have one. Mine was thrown almost exactly a month before my wedding and was only planned a month before that.

    But let's be realistic here, I would have been crushed if I didn't have a bridal shower, too. Wait a few more months and see if you pick up on anything. Maybe someone has something in mind and is just keeping it to themselves right now. If nothing comes up maybe mention something to your mom or sister about having one, but do not tell them it's their job to do it. Whoever wants to host it can host it, but if no one can afford it or wants the responsibility, then you need to get over it.
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  • stephasuasustephasuasu member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I would be so sad if no one threw me a shower when I got married! While you are not supposed to drop hints or throw your own shower, most people have a close enough relationship with their sister that they could ask some probing questions about any plans. My sisters and I are very open with each other, and I would never take offense if one of them came to me with questions about plans for a bridal shower for them. They do not need to walk on etiquette egg shells with me when they get married!
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  • trix1223trix1223 member
    5 Love Its Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    My DD's shower wasn't even in the planning stages 8 months out.  Since a shower is typically given from 4-6 weeks before the wedding, I'd say there's plenty of time here.

    And no, you should neither drop hints nor ask.  Showers are not requirements to get married.  If you don't have one, it might be disappointing, but it doesn't really impact the fact that you're marrying the person you love.
    "Trix, it's what they/our parents wanted. Why so judgemental? And why is your wedding date over a year and a half ago? And why do you not have a groom's name? And why have you posted over 12,000 posts? And why do you always say mean things to brides?" palegirl146
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  • Kristin789Kristin789 member
    5 Love Its First Anniversary Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    The shower is held in a 6-week window prior to the event.

    So your shower would be planned the first two weeks in May 2011, invitations would go out around May 15, 2011, and the shower would be held between June 1 and July 15, 2011.

    This is the beginning of December 2010.  Your MOH and BMs have all of December and January and February and March and April before they would meet to plan your shower.  Why are you asking about it now?
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  • stephasuasustephasuasu member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    She's probably asking about it now because most people at least hear some talk about a shower before the two months before the wedding! Jeeze! My sisters started to TALK about shower planning when I got engaged, almost a year before our shower!
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  • SSaltzman87SSaltzman87 member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I understand why you're a little upset, but it is still a way's out before one would even happen- heck, my aunt hosted my cousin a shower the day before her wedding. I agree with the others that you shouldn't hint at wanting one. If you get one, great- if not, move past it. There are better things to occupy your mind.
    <a href="http://www.thenest.com/?utm_source=ticker&utm_medium=HTML&utm_campaign=tickers" title="Money Saving Tips"><img src="http://global.thenest.com/tickers/tt17ce82.aspx" alt="Anniversary" border="0"  /></a>

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  • deepcovejackiedeepcovejackie
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I agree with Kristin.  Your wedding is still a long way off.  It's too early to worry about the shower yet.  Also, no, don't drop hints and don't review tradition with your WP.  It might make you look gift-grabby.
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  • SarahBartonSarahBarton member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I don't even want gifts. I would throw the party if I could! I just want to know that my family is supportive and I want to spend a day with just the women, celebrating that I will be moving on to a new chapter in my life. 
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  • SaraAndrew2010SaraAndrew2010 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    No one was talking about throwing me a shower 8 months before my wedding, and I ended up having 3 thrown for me.  It's way too early to be worried about it. 
    Image and video hosting by TinyPic My wedding bio: http://saraandrewbio.weebly.com/
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  • palegirl146palegirl146
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I agree with everyone that it's a little early to be worried about this, but screw the etiquette.  When it comes to family and your bridesmaids, you have to be honest and open.  As brides, we get consumed in all this wedding stuff and know the etiquette, but did you know all this before you were engaged?  I didn't.  I was never a BM, but I don't know if I would have known anything about who hosts a shower if I hadn't read everything on theknot.com.  One of the most important things you can do as a bride is make sure you have open communication with your WP and let them know your expectations.  If you are expecting a shower, that's something you can tell your BMs.  Obviously, tradition states that you shouldn't shower yourself, but there's no harm in telling your BMs that you'd be disappointed if you don't have a shower.  Of course, if they are throwing a surprise party and you ask for a party, you might miss out on the surprise!  Is your sister married?  Does she know wedding etiquette?
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  • NatandIsaacNatandIsaac
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_pre-wedding-parties_bridal-shower-offer?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:32Discussion:44b72379-2cb8-43ae-9fb6-df6801dddc8aPost:7d80337c-861f-43af-a4d1-0fdd9991acf5">Re: No bridal shower offer</a>:
    [QUOTE]I agree with everyone that it's a little early to be worried about this, but screw the etiquette.  When it comes to family and your bridesmaids, you have to be honest and open.  As brides, we get consumed in all this wedding stuff and know the etiquette, but did you know all this before you were engaged?  I didn't.  I was never a BM, but I don't know if I would have known anything about who hosts a shower if I hadn't read everything on theknot.com.  One of the most important things you can do as a bride is make sure you have open communication with your WP and let them know your expectations.  <strong>If you are expecting a shower, that's something you can tell your BMs.</strong>  Obviously, tradition states that you shouldn't shower yourself, but there's no harm in telling your BMs that you'd be disappointed if you don't have a shower.  Of course, if they are throwing a surprise party and you ask for a party, you might miss out on the surprise!  Is your sister married?  Does she know wedding etiquette?
    Posted by palegirl146[/QUOTE]<div>
    </div><div>Sure, you can do this. It's quite rude, but yeah, it can be done. 

    </div>
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  • lilcasserslilcassers member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    a mom and sister are not obligated to throw these. I have know brides where their bridal plans in (my best friends mom had us and her plan it) although I thought it was weird to ask a bunch of broke college girls to put on the shower, I grined and did it anyways, lol. There is really no right or wrong about this.

    If you end up not having anyone offer down the road, you can always plan your own "girls weekend" and invite all of the gals out. But don't expect gifts if you plan it with that kind of title.
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  • LowerEastSiiideLowerEastSiiide member
    5 Love Its First Anniversary First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I would never tell my friends (bridal party) that I would be disappointed without a shower... but I would tell my mom if it was a big enough worry. I can't imagine my mom letting me go without a shower, but if you really don't think your mom knows, I'd tell her. I'm sorry but I don't worry about etiquette with my mother. Your mom is your mom and if you are worried about etiquette with your mom then I feel bad for you because I can't imagine tip toeing around my own mother. My mother is who I go to when I have silly worries like this one would fall under. I can cry to my mom, fight with my mom, laugh with my mom, mock people with my mom, yell at my mom and everything will always be ok because I'm hers. 
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