I want to know who does this

mrsconn23 · January 2013

So they can be shot.

Dear Prudence,
Recently I received two separate announcements letting me know that I’m not invited to the wedding of a friend. Both of these came out of the blue; I had not precipitated them by asking if I was going to get an invitation. Apparently, it’s a trend for brides and grooms to tell people who didn’t make the cut that they aren’t going to witness the special day. (Google "How to tell someone you're not inviting them to your wedding.") I have no idea how to respond. It seems churlish to say that I’m relieved, but it’s also awkward to admit my feelings were hurt. Please help.

—A Perplexed Nonwedding Guest

AuntFlo · January 2013

Stab stab stab stab!!!

mrsconn23 · January 2013

It really should be called, "How to not invite someone to my wedding, but see if I can still get a gift out of them."

AuntFlo · January 2013

I wonder how successful that is?

VarunaTT · January 2013

okay, I googled that but just found lists of polite ways to skirt the issue of invitations.

I feel like there really has to be a backstory to this.

mrsconn23 · January 2013

Prudie googled and found an article on eHow that includes this:

Explain to them your budget for the wedding and let them know how important they are to you.
Example: I would really love for you to be in attendance on such a special day in my life, but because of out tight budget for the wedding, I was not able to invite as many people as I would have liked. But if possible, I would love for you to help me_______(find a dress, look for a shoes, pick a cake, etc...)

And this too:

Never flat out say, "You are not invited," but make it clear that there is a reason. If possible, invite them to be a part of the wedding by being a host or hosts. Also, invite them to your wedding shower, if possible.

No matter how nice you may tell someone that she's not invited, she may still be upset.

Full article here: http://www.ehow.com/how_4962898_tell-someone-not-invited-wedding.html#ixzz2DNSh4jR6

Wzz · January 2013

i think the person is reading into the wedding announcement and taking it personally that she got an announcement instead of an invitation. i cannot imagine anyone sending out a "DO NOT COME TO MY WEDDING - OR ELSE" note.

and really, what kind of response is the announcement asking for?

*Barbie* · January 2013

i thought people usually sent wedding announcements after the wedding (usually including a picture from the wedding day). the OP makes it sound like they received announcements before the wedding?

Prudie totally missed the mark on that one - invite them to the shower even if they're not invited to the wedding? wow, rude.

(also, wtf is a "host" if it's not someone who is planning/paying for the wedding/party?)

mrsconn23 · January 2013

I think the key here is if the announcement came before or after the wedding date had passed AND what it said. I just cannot fathom someone sending a non-invitation telling someone they're not invited to their wedding.

But I can see some moron jumping the gun and sending out an announcement prior to their wedding date. Which is tres awkward IMO.

VarunaTT · January 2013

I agree that her nudges into excuse territory are ridiculous.

This sounds like the lady got some e-mails or cards or something that said, SURPRISE! We're getting married...you're not invited. And if she never asked to be invited in the first place,why would she feel a sense of relief?

This is starting to sound like someone with a grudge. I'm not really willing to cast blame on B&G with this one. But if she's so relieved, so should just send a quick,"Thank God I Don't Have to Come to Your Crappy Wedding" card and let it go.

I want to know who does this

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