MIL's blessing has been given but she has one more requirement..

ChaoswithGrace · January 2013

... a Pre Nup.

Now, I've heard my FI's reasons for his mother's wish to have a pre nup, but personally, I feel like it leaves a bad stigma. Can someone provide me with a positive way of going about this?

Also, if I present the notion of having my own attorney review the document upon signing it, could this start WWIII?

Help.

JaxInBlue · January 2013

The decision to have a pre-nup should be one you and your FI make, not one that is imposed on you by someone else. In my opinion, pre-nups aren't a sign of impending doom for your marriage; there can be very practical reasons for entering into one based on unequal assets and debts, inheritances, whatever. I offered to sign one if DH wanted as he brough the bulk of assets into our marriage while I had more debt obligations.

You should absolutely have your own legal counsel look at the pre-nup and make a recommendation as to its fairness and its ability to be enforced in the future (such as possible interpretations of loopholes, etc.). This should not cause an issue since you need someone to be your advocate. If it does cause conflict with FI or FMIL, I would absolutely not sign anything.

I would start with an honest conversation with your FI though, in which you both discuss your preferences for a prenup. It has to be something you are both comfortable developing and signing.

MairePoppy · January 2013

Ditto Jaclyne!

You and your fi should talk about the pre-nup. The two of you should be in charge of getting it. And you absolutely should have your own lawyer look it over and discuss it's implications with you. If you are not satisfied, you should speak up. The pre-nup should protect your interests as well as you fi's.

If your FMIL is planning to give substantial assets to her son, then I understand why she wants to make sure that it will remain his. If she is not, then she shouldn't be involved with your financial affairs.

Maggie0829 · January 2013

My question is, does your FI agree that a prenup is needed or is he just going along with his Mother's wishes? There is a big difference.

Definitely have your own attorney look things over if you do decide to sign one. It would be completely idiotic not to.

I think prenups have their place but only when a large chunck of money and/or debt is involved.

But do not let your FMIL pressure you into doing something you are not comfortable with. The only people who should decide whether a prenup is necessary are the two that are signing it.

OliveOilsMom · January 2013

Ditto all PP. Make sure you have your own attorney to review it.

I worked for a family law attorney for a few years and saw how terrible the proceedings could be. I always swore I would get a pre-nup when I got married to save my sanity from all of the proceedings. But it turns out, as a Catholic, I'm not allowed to get a pre-nup unless its related to a business, not personal assets. Don't look at it as a forecast for a future divorce. Your pre-nup can stay locked up in the cabinet forever, never touched.

Your attorney should advise you of this, but if there are any future children, you may want to request that the pre-nup be revised to include the care of your children. This is called a post-nup. But you may be able to have a provision written in your pre-nup that would include what happens if there are any future children.

s-aries8990 · January 2013

Does FI want a Pre-nup? That is what matters.

A pre-nup can be helpful for you too depending on how it's created regarding where the blame lies should the marriage dissolve- (GOD FORBID) he cheats (and you can prove it): the pre-nup becomes invalid. Are there any heirlooms that you are bringing into the marriage? China? Furniture? Any other familial assets? Potential inheritance? It can protect your assets as well as his.

A pre-nup is only bad if you want it to be.

ChaoswithGrace · January 2013

Thank you for all your responses. I'm just at a loss for words in regards to who's motivated behind this. If it's something my FI wants, then that's something we can discuss and go in detail about it. But it seems as though, he doesn't waiver, and whole hearthly trusts his mother and her intensions. If the pre nup is in regards her property and assets, then that's fine, but I would suggest having it revised when we have children. My second concern is, I'm the type of person who askes questions, and in the legal field, not someone who would sign something blindly. I'm just worried if I come across something that I find fishy and don't agree with ... how to go about addressing it.

Maggie0829 · January 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_mils-blessing-has-been-given-but-she-has-one-more-requirement?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:8299169b-9fe2-4c5b-8898-4f8fdc902e6cPost:548da676-33cc-4f5e-a3db-3023fb247089">Re: MIL's blessing has been given but she has one more requirement..</a>:
[QUOTE]Thank you for all your responses. I'm just at a loss for words in regards to who's motivated behind this. If it's something my FI wants, then that's something we can discuss and go in detail about it. But it seems as though, he doesn't waiver, and whole hearthly trusts his mother and her intensions. If the pre nup is in regards her property and assets, then that's fine, but I would suggest having it revised when we have children. My second concern is, I'm the type of person who askes questions, and in the legal field, not someone who would sign something blindly. I'm just worried if I come across something that I find fishy and don't agree with ... how to go about addressing it.
Posted by ChaoswithGrace[/QUOTE]

If this is the case then you have a major FI problem. It is time for him to snip the cord and start making his own decisions. If you are not careful this marriage will consist of three people, you, your FI and your FMIL.

OliveOilsMom · January 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_mils-blessing-has-been-given-but-she-has-one-more-requirement?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:8299169b-9fe2-4c5b-8898-4f8fdc902e6cPost:548da676-33cc-4f5e-a3db-3023fb247089">Re: MIL's blessing has been given but she has one more requirement..</a>:
[QUOTE]Thank you for all your responses. I'm just at a loss for words in regards to who's motivated behind this. If it's something my FI wants, then that's something we can discuss and go in detail about it. But it seems as though, he doesn't waiver, and whole hearthly trusts his mother and her intensions. If the pre nup is in regards her property and assets, then that's fine, but I would suggest having it revised when we have children. My second concern is, I'm the type of person who askes questions, and in the legal field, not someone who would sign something blindly. I'm just worried if I come across something that I find fishy and don't agree with ... how to go about addressing it.
Posted by ChaoswithGrace[/QUOTE]

To the first bolded: Ditto Maggie. You will have many problems in your marriage if there are 3 people in it.

To the second bolded: Your attorney would do this for you. That is why you would be hiring him/her. The two attorneys in the matter will discuss back and forth in the best interest of their client. If your FI brings up anything about the discussions, just say that your attorney is doing what s/he feels is important.

j-harvey · January 2013

a prenup should be fair to you both not nearly protect the assets of 1 person. For example if 1 person has more assets than the other might want a provision don't know if this is legal Just an idea that the Richer person pays the pooret person's attorney fees during divorce proceedings. If 1 person is planning to stay at home or handle more of the tasks keeping the family's life running, that person might want some additional compensation to offset the time they could have spent on their career. My own experience with this is I had an ex boyfriend who wanted a pre nup to protect his assets but whenever I mentioned aspect that might protect me, he bristled and protested. Although those discussions were not the reason we broke up, it really did fit with the relationship. I agree with the others, if your fi I want this only because his mother does you have a bigger problem. If he objects to a pre nup that protect you as well, you have a bigger problem.

ChaoswithGrace · January 2013

Hey ladies!!!

Well, thankfully after my FI and I talked and cleared up this entire thing, we were happy to just agree on a few points and then together addressed my MIL, and everything seems to be calm and relaxed at the moment.

For the moment, everything is at peace.

Thanks for all your kind words

MIL's blessing has been given but she has one more requirement..

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