Maine

how do you deal with awkward situations with old friends?! *LONG*

So we recently sent out our STD's and one of my BM's posted on my FB wall saying she received it and it's cute... Well, the next day I received yet another wall post, this one not so nice. She was an old friend of mine from HIgh School, I have not seen her in 6 years, we chat here and there online but that is about it. Our guest list is very limited since we are on a small budget. so we decided to limit our guest list to close friends that BOTH FI and I know, VS random old friends that don't even know us as a couple. as it is, we are not including some of FI's (very) extended Family- whom I wouldnt even know if I passed them on the side of the street. so anyways, she posted on my wall "I never got my invite to the wedding... not impressed" and I wanted to be like.." well I'm sorry, but were not out to impress you!!" of course I didnt say that, but I couldnt believe she said that to me,  plus she put it out there for everyone to see, so I sent her a private message  saying....

Hi... we want to invite everyone, but with the cost of weddings (you have noidea, It's ridiculous, and we have no help from our parents) we have had to narrow it waaaay down, and we are unable to invite even some family members. The only way we were able to figure it out is based on people that we BOTH know, rather than 1 of us. So unfortunately, that cut a lot of my high school  friends, and his. I'm really sorry if that hurts your feelings, and I understand why it would, I just hope you can at least understand where we are coming from. Believe me, our guest list has been a huge issue for us and the cause of a lot of arguments. If we had an unlimited Budget, things would be a lot different.

I didn't want to address Money with her, but it was the only way I could explain it to her.


Did I handle that ok? anyone else have any problems of this nature?

Re: how do you deal with awkward situations with old friends?! *LONG*

  • hcorr34hcorr34 member
    2500 Comments Fourth Anniversary Name Dropper 5 Love Its
    edited December 2011
    I think you handled it the best you could.  Personally, I might not have mentioned the friend part about only inviting common friends between you and your FI, but you definitely tried to get your point across in a nice way without trying to hurt her feelings.  My H had a few extended family members who didn't understand why they weren't invited and we just kept saying that we were on a limited budget.  I was paying for most of the wedding myself, and I was not interested in paying for a bunch of cousins that DH hadn't seen in 8-10 years. 

    If she persists, you may have to get a little harsher.  It's incredibly rude for anyone to assume that they're invited to a wedding.

    If you think other people might have the same reaction when they find out they're not invited, you might want to delete comments like that when people post them on FB.  I had to do that with one person - I sent her a private message telling her why I had deleted it (it was about co-workers who were invited) and she completely understood.  I've seen the same type of posts create some uncomfortable situations on FB when people realize they're not invited.  I know it's impossible to control what other people post, but if you see something that might make waves that you don't want to deal with, delete it.
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  • edited December 2011
    I know what you mean about acquaintences of acquantences. If I invited all of our FB friends, we would have to rent an arena, and charge admission. But then we could get a big name touring band also!  Heck, after a certain time, just have the party open to the public, and just throw down!
  • edited December 2011
    That's an obnoxious message for her to write.  I think you handled it fine, although you also could have just send something shorter--sorry we couldn't invite everyone, but hopefully we can grab a drink soon.  I probably wouldn't respond if she comes back with something mean.  It's hard to make cuts to your guest list.  

    And, like hcorrigan said, I would keep wedding-related things off of FB, even if that means deleting what other people post and sending them a message to let them know why.  

  • edited December 2011
    thanks ladies- tthanks for the advice, going to delete and send messages for sure. and she repsonded back by saying "thats fine I understand" So I'm hoping there are no hard feelings!   ack- I hate this part of the wedding planning! haha
  • edited December 2011
    You did fine-My fiance and I have had a heck of a time dealing with our guest list...I already offended several friends when they found out they weren't invited, and had to emphasize not just cost but the fact that our venue was simply not big enough for that many people.  In our case, we did end up expanded the group a little, but it's still a small wedding, and people should realize they don't automatically get to free-load off your wedding for their dinner.
    Cheers, Holly
  • rin89rin89 member
    Third Anniversary 10 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Sounds like you handled it perfectly!  And pp's are right, her post was incredibly rude.  If I had been her I might have still asked if I was invited, but in a much nicer way and over a pm instead of on your wall.  As my FIL says "Some people's kids!"
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  • edited December 2011
    I think you handled it perfectly, I was on the other side of the situation where I had a friend whom I was really close with in highschool and she got married and I was not invited. I was a little bit upset but compeltely understood. She had a very tight budget, while she did invite a few firends whom were in our "group" but not myself, I understood, she still associated with them still and not as much with me even though we did talk from time to time. I think you handled it perfectly and the friend should be a bit more considerate and should not have gone about writing something like that on your wall. She should be ashamed.
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  • I wouldn't even bother mentioning budgetary restrictions or only inviting friends. I just explain that it's a smaller wedding, where the guest list is almost exclusively family. It's terrible that some people just don't get it. But it's true, a wedding is very expensive. I have 100 family members, and excluding maybe 15 of them, I'm very close with all of them. I also have a lot of very close family friends that have been like family to me as I have grown. It's so difficult to decide where to draw the line. And since that woman isn't someone you see, it shouldn't bother you that she's offended. Just delete her comment, and if it's that big of a problem remove her as a friend, it's not like she's being a good one anyway.
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