Any second weddings out there?

beckyh77 · October 2012

I think I'd recently seen MamaBear, not sure of any others........

I was married at the age of 21 back in 1999 and the divorce was final in December 2009. So it's not like I've rushed from one marriage to another.

Do you think some of FI's guests that don't know me yet will judge when they find out it's my second wedding?

FI doesn't judge me, neither do his parents or sister, my parents knew I was in a bad relationship before I did. I guess I don't know why I am paranoid.

MamaBear904 · October 2012

Yep, Im definitely a second marriage (technically a third, actually), so if anyone would get the side eye, it would be me! LOL. To give you a little history, here's the quick version of my story...

I was first married in 1997 at the young age of 17. Though we had planned on getting married later, I got pregnant, and was "encouraged" by my father to get hitched. So we did. Courthouse-style. We were divorced in 2002 and spent two years apart. In 2005, XH and I got back together to give it another try and were re-married in 2008 (actual wedding). Though I grew up, he didn't and a lot of the old issues that ruined us the first time around quickly resurfaced and we were done just over 1 year later.

So my upcomming wedding will be less than 5 years after my last wedding and I can definitely see how someone might judge me. (Less than 3 years from when my divorce was finalized). I just really don't have the energy to care about what other people think. I mean, don't get me wrong, I care. But there is nothing I can do about it, so I have to let it go.

I obviously don't judge you, and Im sure most won't either. Shame on those who do because they do not know the inside details of your past and should not judge on things they do not know fully about.

beckyh77 · October 2012

Iis n Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_may-2013-weddings_any-second-weddings-out-there?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding Club BoardsForum:ea657a87-d1dc-4588-999f-31c9deeef720Discussion:cff8ee83-3966-4bb7-bad8-39d67081d50fPost:78ea1d34-bfee-4d16-99a3-ac538e3990fa">Re: Any second weddings out there?</a>:
[QUOTE] I just really don't have the energy to care about what other people think. I mean, don't get me wrong, I care. But there is nothing I can do about it, so I have to let it go. I obviously don't judge you, and Im sure most won't either. Shame on those who do because they do not know the inside details of your past and should not judge on things they do not know fully about.
Posted by MamaBear904[/QUOTE]

That is good to hear. For a long long time I thought I carried around this "divorced" label and no one would want me. It's taken a long time to get past that. It is what it is. FI and I met through E-Harmony and during our 2 week period of emails & whatnot I felt the need to share with him that I was divorced, and his response essentially was "I don't care about your past, I want to get to know you for you." ........So I knew he was a keeper before we ever had our first date.

Thanks for the encouragement!

MamaBear904 · October 2012

I met my FI on e-Harmony as well.

Furthermore I think that with divorce being such unfortunate commonplace, people dont put the "divorced" label on others that much anymore. Im sure there are still exceptions to that... like the fact that it's my 3rd marriage, technically. LOL.

My classic response to anyone who may judge my past? "I am glad I went through what I did. It has made me appreciate (FI) that much more and I would trade that for anything."

tlc35 · October 2012

I met my FI on Eharmony, too!

Sweetsunshine83 · October 2012

Second wedding for me. I was married for 11 years, my divorce was final on 10/6/11 and I got engaged on 8/31/12. My marriage was essentially over for at least 2 years prior to the actual divorce date, and we were living apart for much of that period but still - if anyone is going to get the hairy eyeball, I think it would be me!!! However, everyone who knew me in my previous marriage has been nothing but supportive and wonderful and many have commented about how happy I am now, as opposed to in the past. My FI's family has been wonderful too. Of course, I am sure there are some out there that have or will comment on the quick turnaround time but that is their issue.

To those people who have said something (there have only been 2, and it was in a non-judgemental way so I'm ok with it), I have simply said that "when you know, you know" and that what I went through helped me to understand and appreciate what I have now, which is having someone love me for who I am.

bhalpin39 · October 2012

This is actually my third as well. The first one as only 10 months so I actually call that one my dry run LOL and the second one was just a mistake. I didn't meet Brian online, but it was love at first sight. We met May 18th 2009 and have not been apart since and we are getting married on the 18th of May 2013. I don't think anyone matters except Brian, or that's the way I see it anyway.

ansanna · October 2012

It is my first, but FI's second. He was crazy and married someone he had just met at a bar one month prior. He was leaving for the military and surprisingly its very common for soldiers to may someone they just met prior to a deployment. He didn't know anything about her and when he came back and started to get to know her he realized they were not compatible. She however didn't want to get divorced, only "separated" so that she could keep his benefits, he told her he wanted her gone and she could take whatever she wanted to get her to leave. She didn't leave him any furniture, took the fridge, stove, dish washer and washer and dryer, didn't even leave him a single fork, wash cloth, anything. When I met him he was still using an air mattress as a bed, so it was easier for me to move in with him and bring all of my belongings with me... We don't talk about her, none of our friends or family do either... We just kind of pretend that part of his life never happened.

SSaltzman87 · October 2012

My cousin got married a few years ago and it was her second marriage, and her husband's second marriage- they met on eharmony too!

Divorce happens for so many reasons now, and is unfortunately common. Just know that no one has the right to judge you but you, everyone's always going to have an opinion.

PJBHL5 · October 2012

I met my fi on match.com
It's each of our second times, and everyone is our family (even extended) is just as excited about this one as about our firsts... more so, actually, in his family b/c his first wife was a B and they love me. LOL
I got married at 19 in 2005 and we separated in early 2009, div finalized in late 2011. My FI and I dated (non exclusively) for several months before my divorce was finalized (though i'd been moved out for over a year, etc and had been friends for a year before that (which he was in afghanistan)... We officially became a "couple" the night before my divorce was finalized.

Any second weddings out there?

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