am i being upset for nothing?

leahstinson · May 2012

sorry this is long but MOH drama.

I gifted all my girls with a day at the spa which will be the day before the wedding. I prepaid for everything and cannot cancel on anything because I am already 30 days out. I let all the girls know. Most, except MOH are staying at the hotel across the street so I figured we'd be good.

Last week MOH let me know she might be late because of rugby game. No biggie, we can put her in the 2nd group getting their spa stuff.

Today she texts me, "sorry I cannot go to the spa, I am going to Joe's rugby game"

It then goes on with, "i'm going to everything else, it's not like this is important"

"i want some time with my boyfriend before the craziness begins"

"you didn't even bother to ask about the time. i thought we were doing it in the morning, not the afternoon"

Yes, I didn't ask the time because all of the girls are staying at my place or the hotel for the weekend and have already said spa was fine. My bad on not double checking with her, I guess if I do one wedidng thing wrong the entire time, this is my thing.

I have been balling my eyes out over this for an hour. I am most upset because she is choosing to go to a rubgy game when she HATES rugby and cannot wait until he stops playing, she said it wasn't important (i followed up and let her know it was important to ME!). I also am peeved because she is going on a week long vaca the week before the wedding/he'll be at the rehearsal dinner and wedding yet, "she needs time to be wiht her boyfriend"

I just feel like it's her world and as she pointed out, it's memorial day weekend, i'd like to enjoy it....so basically, i'm f*cking up her plans

ugh, i know, i know. i just need to let it go.

leahstinson · May 2012

Wow, sorry for all the bad grammer.

pantherRN · May 2012

I think it's fine to be upset for a little while, but then try to let it go. I keep having to remind myself that my wedding is not as important to everyone else as it is to me.

Cackle6 · May 2012

I feel so bad for you ladies who have MOH's and BM's that have been so terrible to you! You all deserve better behavior from your best friends.

bpphoto785 · May 2012

I would be upset. That's an amazing gesture for your BMs and she's being a bit of a snot. Yes, you didn't ask her about the time, but did she say she wasn't available in the afternoon when you said you were doing this? And so what if your wedding's on a holiday weekend? There will be a billion more Memorial Day weekends, you only get married once! And it's really rude of her to say this isn't important.

Is something going on w/ her BF that she feels the need to spend time with him and show an interest in a sport she hates?

Either way, she obviously has her priorities. Go with the rest of your BMs and have an AWESOME time!!

Flowerstar1023 · May 2012

I think it's important to not have this conversation over text messaging. Calling once you're more relaxed might be a better idea. That sucks. Sounds like this is one of those prioritizing the boy over your girlfriends sort of thing and, particularly for a wedding where you're the MOH, that's truly sucky. Keep your chin up! Try not to let it be a dark cloud on spa day (which is very generous of you!)

Flowerstar1023 · May 2012

Also, maybe even though the policy is traditionally no cancellations, ask for some pity from the spa. Who knows, they might be able to pull some strings.

leahstinson · May 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_may-2012-weddings_am-i-being-upset-for-nothing?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:f0ca0bc1-9255-4120-8042-b40e7f3e99c5Discussion:1fcc8f34-9459-45dd-b519-0e4181207795Post:685aa24e-8e1f-4b2a-a761-ffe889176e26">Re: am i being upset for nothing?</a>:
[QUOTE]I would be upset. That's an amazing gesture for your BMs and she's being a bit of a snot. Yes, <strong>you didn't ask her about the time, but did she say she wasn't available in the afternoon when you said you were doing this?</strong> And so what if your wedding's on a holiday weekend? There will be a billion more Memorial Day weekends, you only get married once! And it's really rude of her to say this isn't important. <strong> Is something going on w/ her BF that she feels the need to spend time with him and show an interest in a sport she hates?</strong> Either way, she obviously has her priorities. Go with the rest of your BMs and have an AWESOME time!!
Posted by bpphoto785[/QUOTE]

<div>the plan the entire time was a 1-2PM apt. </div><div>
</div><div>No, she just has her head up his a** :)</div>

leahstinson · May 2012

i'm better now though. in the end, this weekend isn't as important to me as it is everyone else. It hurts my feelings more than she'll ever know but in end the end, her loss with the spa.

AurorasEnvy · May 2012

Sorry to hear she's being so ungrateful. If her boyfriend is playing rubgy, how is that spending time with him?? Can you find someone else to take her place at the spa so your money isn't wasted? If it were me, I'd probably say something snarky and inappropriate like "Well, it's your choice, but there will be $100 in spa treatments waiting for you if decide you'd like to join the all of the other BMs".

leahstinson · May 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_may-2012-weddings_am-i-being-upset-for-nothing?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:f0ca0bc1-9255-4120-8042-b40e7f3e99c5Discussion:1fcc8f34-9459-45dd-b519-0e4181207795Post:2fe87353-8ac3-4586-99ac-a5c127e3d9b2">Re: am i being upset for nothing?</a>:
[QUOTE]Sorry to hear she's being so ungrateful. If her boyfriend is playing rubgy, how is that spending time with him?? Can you find someone else to take her place at the spa so your money isn't wasted? If it were me, I'd probably say something snarky and inappropriate like "Well, it's your choice, but there will be $100 in spa treatments waiting for you if decide you'd like to join the all of the other BMs".
Posted by AurorasEnvy[/QUOTE]

<div>
</div><div>exactly. he's going to be at the rehearsal and rehearsal dinner too so it's not like she wont' see him. whatever.</div><div>
</div><div>i said my snarky comment along the lines of, "well glad there is a hundred other games but only my 1 wedding to attend" it felt good LOL</div>

enchantedonyx · May 2012

I think you should definitely let her know that it is paid for and non-refundable. I'm sorry if that's mean or snotty but I'd be upset at losing that money. If she can't go, what about your mom or FMIL or someone else who might like a day of pampering.

mandi921vh · May 2012

I would be upset too... it is hard to think that our weddings are not as important to everyone else as they are to us, but we kind of expect our friends to think so...

LDW0225 · May 2012

Sorry she's being like this. Like many of us have said, you really learn who your friends are during wedding planning. Sure our weddings are more important to us than anyone else, but if she's your MOH she should care enough to miss some stupid game. It's not like this whole wedding popped up out of nowhere & you sprung these plans on her. No, you've been planning this for a long time and since she agreed to being in your wedding, she should not be making you feel like you f'ed up her weekend, that is just rude and ungrateful. Especially when you're giving her a day of pampering! Sorry you're dealing with this =(

LilyWater09 · May 2012

Here is my take: First if she is willing to go to something she hates with a passion she is either (a) jealous in some way, or (b) you pissed her off somehow. I place my bets on A. She is avoiding you for some reason.

With that said, you are out this money nonetheless. Sorry but suck that part up. Ask the salon for a credit for another date, get a better massage than everyone else, or invite someone you like and would enjoy going.

Dont sweat the small stuff - people get crazy around weddings. Forgive and forget.

leahstinson · May 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_may-2012-weddings_am-i-being-upset-for-nothing?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:f0ca0bc1-9255-4120-8042-b40e7f3e99c5Discussion:1fcc8f34-9459-45dd-b519-0e4181207795Post:20c4cd71-2f21-4237-9a1c-6832ca28c6bb">Re: am i being upset for nothing?</a>:
[QUOTE]Here is my take: First if she is willing to go to something she hates with a passion she is either (a) jealous in some way, or (b) you pissed her off somehow. I place my bets on A. She is avoiding you for some reason. With that said, you are out this money nonetheless. Sorry but suck that part up. Ask the salon for a credit for another date, get a better massage than everyone else, or invite someone you like and would enjoy going. Dont sweat the small stuff - people get crazy around weddings. Forgive and forget.
Posted by LilyWater09[/QUOTE]

<div>
</div><div>I could care less about the money. I can gift it towards extra for the other ladies :) The money isn't the concern since it'll get used...if anything, I can always use that massage LOL.</div><div>
</div><div>
</div><div>I think you nailed it with the jealousy. In fact, it's been like that for some time :/</div>

max&lucy · May 2012

Take a deep breath and let it go. Maybe it's a jealousy thing, but try not to let it get you down. She is missing out, but focus on your other BMs who will be with you and have a relaxing and enjoyable spa day!

am i being upset for nothing?

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