Twice as many bridesmaids than groomsmen!

ekoeppe · January 2010

I didn't think twice about it when I started planning and came up with 11 bridesmaids and my fiance only had 5 groomsmen. I figured the men would simply start up at the altar and the girls could walk down the aisle by themselves. I knew it was my wedding and it was ok to have uneven sides if I wanted. BUT, now I'm concerned, because I'm worried about the pictures, will it look weird or awkward? Even more importantly, I didn't even think about the fact that it could make my fiance feel weird that his side is so much smaller than mine. I know I must sound really selfish, and I am mad at myself for not thinking about his feelings. Any suggesstions?

emilykathleen511 · January 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_twice-many-bridesmaids-groomsmen?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:9d1450a2-1c99-4445-85ef-999c9bb8a727Post:f2168d52-e8af-449c-adb5-4175312b7dbd">Twice as many bridesmaids than groomsmen!</a>:
[QUOTE]I didn't think twice about it when I started planning and came up with 11 bridesmaids and my fiance only had 5 groomsmen. I figured the men would simply start up at the altar and the girls could walk down the aisle by themselves. I knew it was my wedding and it was ok to have uneven sides if I wanted. BUT, now I'm concerned, because I'm worried about the pictures, will it look weird or awkward? Even more importantly, I didn't even think about the fact that it could make my fiance feel weird that his side is so much smaller than mine. I know I must sound really selfish, and I am mad at myself for not thinking about his feelings. Any suggesstions?
Posted by ekoeppe[/QUOTE]

If you have already asked everyone, then there is really nothing you can do at this point. While uneven sides are just fine, it does seem like a LOT to have 11, but if you have 11 people that you are truly close to, then more power to 'ya! A good photographer will work with whatever you have and create beautiful photos with whoever is there. Your FI shouldn't feel bad that you have a different number of close friends...it doesn't mean he has less meaningful relationships or anything...five attendants is still a lot. Honestly, I think you're overthinking things. Just enjoy planning and don't sweat the small stuff! It will make the process that much more enjoyable.

banana468 · January 2010

I think you may be overthinking. If you haven't asked yet, do keep in mind that for each BM, you need to buy her a gift, have a bouquet of flowers for her at the ceremony and she needs to be invited to the RD w/ her SO.

Beyond that, if those are your nearest and dearest, go for it.

SarahPLiz · January 2010

We have the same issue, except I have 2 and FI has one.. and they are all female. Your ceremony and your pictures will be full of love, so no one's side will look bare.

trix1223 · January 2010

Your wedding isn't for 16 months so I hope that you haven't asked anyone yet. You'll want to wait another 8 months before you ask anyone. Why? Scroll down this board and read the countless posts from brides who asked this early and now want to know how they can kick out a BM.

IMO, 11 BM is an awful lot. The larger the party, the more potential for drama, and each BM adds expense for flowers and gifts. In addition, you're now talking about 22 people at the RD, just for your side of the WP, and 22 guests on your wedding guest list, again just for your side of the WP.

If you can cut down on the 11, I'd do it. Not because the pictures will look weird, which they won't, but because it will make your life much, much easier in the coming 16 months.

CTGirl30 · January 2010

IMHO, 11 BMs is alot of BMs!! And like pps mentioned, that also means 11 boquets to pay for, 11 girls plus their dates at the RD (22 people right there), 11 girls to have styled and ready on wedding day, 11 dresses to find, 11 BM gifts to purchase, arranging transpo for 12 people - them plus you - on wedding day...you get the idea. :-)

If you have not asked them yet (and if your wedding is 16 months away, I would not yet - typically, it's best to ask 6-9 months away from your wedding) you might consider cutting down the list a bit if only to make things easier on yourself in the long run...however, if these 11 people are your best and closest friends / family members that you cannot imagine getting married with them by your side, then go for it. It's not an issue with FI's side being smaller. It's not a statement that one has more friends than the other or anything like that. No worries. The photographs will be great no matter what - they'll be of a happy bride & groom and their closest friends. Doesn't matter the breakdown by gender or side they stood on.

sarah0725 · January 2010

If you've already asked them, then this is a done deal.

One thing to do with the photography is to avoid taking any of those kickball team style photos with the bridesmaids on one side and the groomsmen on the other in a big line. Vary things. Have people stand in different places, at different heights, standing, sitting, etc. There are lots of things you can do with a motley group.

Our wedding party is going to consist of four or five men and three women, and I'm not at all worried about how the pictures will come out, because they are all good looking.

MyNameIsNot · January 2010

If you've already asked them, it is what it is.

We had 4 BMs and 2 GMs, and I'm madly in love with our pics. We did some with girls on one side, guys on the other, but the majority of them had DH and me in the middle with 2 girls and 1 guy on either side. With so many, you'll probably have a lot of pics with two rows of people. It will look great!

aerinpegadrak · January 2010

In addition to what everyone has said, if any of the people you're considering for BMs are equally close to both of you, or closer to your FI than to you, they can always stand on his side. My brother was going to be a groomsman, but we decided it made more sense to have him on my side. Mixed gender parties are becoming quite common.

liacin · January 2010

I have the same issue, except that we have 6 GM and only 4 BM.

I don't think it's a big issue, but if you are worried that the sides will look uneven during the actual wedding ceremony/pictures, you could always do what I did and mix up the sides.

For the ceremony, I am having 2 women and 3 men stand on each side. For the pictures, I am going to focus less on "coupling" the wedding party, the way most people do, with all the men on one side and women on the other, and focus on all of us as one big group. Besides, I am close to many of the groomsmen (2 of them are my brothers!) as well as the bridesmaids.

I like the symbolism behind this as well, because I think that the entire wedding party really stands for and supports you both as a COUPLE, right? The bridesmaids are just as supportive of the groom and the groomsmen just as supportive of the bride, right? Everyone in the wedding party is up there because they support your decision as a couple, so why should all the bridesmaids stand on one side and the groomsmen on the other?

Don't worry so much about numbers and just be happy that you have so many women in your life that you feel that close to!

megktumi · February 2012

I am doing the same thing, but instead of Bridesmaids, they are "friends by my side"
Only the Maid of Honor and Best Man will be standing at the alter, and the others will be in first few pews like family wearing all black dresses. Walking down the Isle 2 Girls on each side of a groomsman. And when we do our vows they will all stand up. A friend of mine did this and itw as so cute! Esp with pictures, a guy with 2 girls!
No feelings hurt, and no bouquets, any dress they want, WIN WIN WIN!

Twice as many bridesmaids than groomsmen!

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