brother and sister in law

RobyAnne · May 2010

If I was in a my brother's wedding, do I need to include him and my sister-in-law in my wedding party? My brother and I don't always get along. I think my SIL would really like to be the wedding, and my mother is telling me they both need to be in the wedding. If i include my SIL, do I have to have my brother. Or should i just leave them both out. Also, my FI isn't all that thrilled about my brother being a groomsman.

emilykathleen511 · May 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_brother-sister-law?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:c49da689-9ecd-4cfe-a83e-6ec3da1ef934Post:0c49ed35-794d-4c71-9be5-da213c23fc57">brother and sister in law</a>:
[QUOTE]If I was in a my brother's wedding, do I need to include him and my sister-in-law in my wedding party? My brother and I don't always get along. I think my SIL would really like to be the wedding, and my mother is telling me they both need to be in the wedding. If i include my SIL, do I have to have my brother. Or should i just leave them both out. Also, my FI isn't all that thrilled about my brother being a groomsman.
Posted by RobyAnne[/QUOTE]

<div>It's not tit-for-tat. Just because you were in his doesn't mean that him or his wife need to be in yours, although if you think it will cause a lot of family drama (possibly even drama that could carry on after the wedding), it may be easier to just ask them both. They can both stand on your side if your FI doesn't want your brother on his side. </div><div>
</div><div>Also, remember that your sides don't need to be even, so if you were worried about that, stop that right now!</div>

mbcdefg · May 2010

You're not required to have someone in your wedding just because you were in theirs. Blood relative or not. No matter what your mother says.

That being said, I'm in the camp that says that you ought to include siblings unless there is a very good reason not to include them. It's one day out of your life, and all they have to do is wear the dress/tux and stand there. You don't need to be attached at the hip to them throughout the planning process.

Do you think either of them would be hurt not to be included? IMO, it's better to suck it up and include them, than to leave them out and deal with hurt feelings and family drama (perhaps from your parents?) for years to come.

Yes, I personally think it'd be scummy to include your SIL and not your brother. If your FI doesn't want him as a groomsman, then ask him to stand as your own attendant alongside the bridesmaids. You would not be the first or last bride to have a male attendant, or an uneven wedding party (if that works out to be the case).

And who knows, your brother may not even accept the invitation to be in the wedding party. But at least you'll have taken the step. Although if he agreed to you being in his wedding, maybe he was trying to bridge the gap.

So, no, you don't HAVE to have either of them, but my vote would be to include at least your brother. I think it'd avoid a lot of drama and arguments, and it's really not a gigantic hardship to include someone in your wedding party just to keep the peace (again, because they only have to participate in the ceremony).

suz62984 · May 2010

1) Wedding aren't tit for tat and family isn't automatically in the WP.

2) Your FI gets to choose his side. If he doesn't want your brother as a groomsman than your brother can be a bridesman.

3) If you don't want them in the WP than don't include them!!! Stick to your guns. If your mother says something else about it just say that you have already decided on the WP and change the subject.

aerinpegadrak · May 2010

If you want them both as attendants, have them BOTH on your side. Mixed gender wedding parties are rapidly becoming the norm. Or, perhaps they could have another role in the ceremony like readers or gift bearers.

#1Mommy · May 2010

I don't think you have to put them in your wedding party just because you were in theirs. I was a bridesmaid in my older brother's wedding, and neither him or my SIL are in mine. I have 5 brothers, one older and four younger. One of my younger brothers is actuallly the best man, one is an acolyte, and my youngest (who is 5) is a ring bearer.
I don't ever talk to my brother or SIL and do not know her very well, so I never even thought I should put them in the wedding.
HTH

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