Difficult day and needing suggestions

MrsBassPlaya · September 2012

So my grandfather passed away today. It was somewhat unexpected cause he wasn't sick or in the hospital or anything, but really he was 91, so not that huge of a surprise. I'm super bummed out and now I need to make a trip to Cleveland next week for the funeral. It's amazing how wedding stuff takes a backseat at times like these. I feel like I have such little time to get things done, but that doesn't matter to me right now. *sigh*

And that brings me to think, I didn't really have anything incorporated into our wedding that acknowledges family members who have passed. FI and I decided that we'd like something there, but we're kind of stuck on what. We've seen roses at a couple weddings, but I feel like that's so impersonal. He doesn't want to do names cause he's afraid his family will get all mad because we don't have anything there for some raondom, obscure person who he doesn't know that passed away 30 years ago like a Great Aunt Bertha or something. I think that's ridiculous, and I'd like to do something at least somewhat personal without being too gloomy. Any suggestions?

SoonToBeStoll · September 2012

Sorry to hear this. My Grandpa passed last week and my wedding is this weekend. It is tough, and do allow yourself to handle the death and put wedding to the side. It will still be your weddinig with or without the extras. If you don't take care of yourself and your emotions, your wedding day with suffer (you don't want to end up sick!)
Since all our programs were done with the in memory of stuff my fiance remembers my Grandpa best by playing dice with him. So he is going to put one of my Grandpa's dice in his tux. My Grandma also passed away two months ago... So I cut a heart out of her robe that I had sewn into the heart of my dress. I am not announcing either of my Grandparents deaths as I find this extremely silly... So fiance and I each did something for ourselves in how we remembered them to carry with us on our day.

Hope this helps! Good luck and hang in there.

mspurr · September 2012

So sorry to hear of your loss. Your family will be in my thoughts and prayers. In our programs we listed our grandparents who have passed away...that way no hard feelings that we didn't list anyone else. I will be carrying a handkerchief of my late grandma's with pins on it representing my late grandpa's.

[Deleted User] · September 2012

I'm really sorry to hear about your grandpa. I agree with PP though...we did a few things to remember my mom who has passed but nothing public. I had a bouquet charm made with her picture and a quote from etsy that my sisters and I all will carry on our bouquets. My moms favorite animal was an elephant so we have little elephant place card holders and an elephant Mr Mrs sign. Not many people outside my immediate family if anyone will know what the elephants mean but I preferred it that way. We debated putting something in the ceremony program but then I would feel like we had to list all our grandparents and my cousin who recently passed and then I feel like it would be too sad. We don't want to make our wedding day any more sad than it will be without my mom. Sorry for the novel but I guess I'm saying add a personal touch to honor him that you and your FI will understand and that will be enough.

heatherandjohn425 · September 2012

I am so sorry to hear you both have lost loved ones, that is always difficult, and most especially so with your weddings coming up....I just wanted to say I absolutely loved the idea of the PP, having something from them there beside you throughout your day...on a day filled with such joy, it is hard to figure out how to honor those you love who are gone, without being too melancholy for the guests, and I think you have managed that beautifully. Good luck on your wedding days ladies...

Sarah&Eric2012 · September 2012

I'm so sorry to hear about your grandfather. PPs are right, take time to deal with his passing and put wedding stuff aside for a bit. You don't want to make yourself sick.

As far as remembering family members, FI and I are having a table of photos (mostly wedding photos) of our parents and grandparents (and my great grandparents). Some are still with us and some have passed away so it's not a "memorial table" but just an "examples of happy marriages" table. I also used brooches from my two grandmothers (one has passed and one is in a nursing home and can't attend) to make my brooch bouquet. I think subtle touches are the best ones. You don't want to offend anyone if you forget someone and you don't want to upset people and have them end up crying sad tears instead of happy ones.

ejheart · September 2012

I'm sorry that you're having to go through this right now. I know that it must be hard.

What we're planning to do is to have empty seats at the ceremony with small sets of flowers in remembrance of those who have passed. We have 1 aunt and 3 grandparents, so I don't think that's too many for this kind of thing. We're then going to put something in the program explaining what the seats signify.

cronin85 · September 2012

I'm really sorry for your loss

What FI and I are doing is pictures. We are doing it for our grandparents and FI lost an Uncle last year.. but that is it. We aren't doing Great Aunt Bertha etc;

calindi · September 2012

I'm so sorry!

I wore a brooch on my dress from my grandfather, who passed away 10 years ago next week. I also had 3 red roses on the alter, and I'm going to try the roses and toss the petals for the one rose in the ocean, where we had sprinkled my grandpa's ashes, and lay the other two roses on the graves of my husband's grandparents.

My friend is having a small photo of her mother on a charm attached to her bouquet. You could also put a small moment in the ceremony where you have a moment of silence for your grandpa and the family members & friends who were not able to be there - I think it's totally appropriate as it becomes a bittersweet event with such a sad occurance only days before your wedding, regardless of which other family members have passed in years prior.

kmleon83 · September 2012

I am so deeply sorry for your loss! It's always so difficult to lose a loved one, especially at a time like this.

Like some PP said, I decided on small, simple ways to honor my grandfather and my great-grandmother who passed a few years back. I had bouquet charms made with their pictures in it and am putting pictures of them up in my slideshow as well as in frames for venue decor. I think these are both good ways to honor and remember loved ones lost without making it too sad for attending guests.

volleygurl0306 · September 2012

I'm so sorry to hear about your loss. Ditto PP to take care of yourself. At this point the little details can be left alone so you can properly grieve. Even if you get back to them mostly no one will notice.

The most significant deaths to me and FI have been my grandmother (7 years ago) and my aunt (3 years ago) and his uncle and his grandmother. There have been many deaths in FI's family though as his parents both have a lot of siblings and none of his grandparents are living. So instead of making a big public thing about it and inevitably forgetting someone, we are also doing private things. I don't think FI really holds weight in momentos so much. But I am carrying my grandmother's rosary that my late aunt also carried at her wedding to remember both of them and then also have a bouquet charm for my grandmother as something extra. I think a private significant thing is tasteful and also, since it will sadly be so fresh, may be easier on you and your family so it isn't a reminder. You don't want to forget those who have past but a constant reminder may be difficult as well. It is all in how you handle losses though as everyone is different.

Big hugs girl! Deep breaths. Let us all know if you need to talk about things.

meghwood · September 2012

So sorry for your loss. Take the time that you need to be sad. The wedding details will be waiting when you are ready.

To remember my grandmothers that have passed I am attaching two of their cameo pins to my bouquet. We also made mention of our grandparents memory (generally, not by each name) during the ceremony and made a note of "those who could not be with us" in our program thank you. We are also displaying a table of family wedding photos of our parents and grandparents on our gift table. Hope this helps!

BMcLeodTeam · September 2012

I agree with PPs that the subtle things are usually best in this situation. This is likely a hard time for most of your family, and bringing that up at your wedding could result in totally the opposite emotions of what you're hoping for.

I have a bouquet charm for my father, and FI has one for his father pinned inside his tux jacket. We have a couple candles burning off to the side during the ceremony. There is no 'lighting of the candles' to draw peoples attention to them or anything, they are just there for us. Our theme is a way of honoring my dad too as red roses remind me of him from my childhood. Also FI is going to be using his dad's wedding band. Small things that we know are there but won't make it upsetting for any of the guests.

jessa1228 · September 2012

I'm sorry to hear about your grandfather :-( I really like the idea of charms or lockets on a bouquet.

Difficult day and needing suggestions

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