Wedding Etiquette Forum

Guests Bringing Children to Adult Reception! Help!

Looking for some advice on this.  I know this topic has been beat to death, but I am 29 days from my wedding and need some input based on our specific situation.  My fiance and I decided to have an adult reception.  We did this for several reasons...when we put our guest list together, we had 304 people invited and an additional 87 children on top of that.  The location of our wedding is quite formal and not really conducive to having 87 children running around.  Not to mention we don't want that and certainly can't afford to pay for them to come to dinner and eat three bites of their meal.  We decided to make an exception for our nieces and nephews, although we encouraged our siblings to make other arrangements.  (This is an out of town wedding by the way)  After much planning, our siblings have all decided to get babysitters for the reception.  With the exception of two Jr. bridesmaids and one Jr. Groomsman (all around 11-12 years old), there will be no one under the age of 20 at our reception.

Now to our problem...we received an RSVP in the mail the other day for TEN people!  They filled out the card wrong (another story) so after some digging we found out it was my Fiance's aunt who responded.  Only she and her husband were invited to the wedding, however she included her two adult children who live outside of the home and were not invited, their husbands, and five children.  Making the total 11 now!  My future MIL called her to tell her it was a kid-free reception and she said they won't bring them to dinner and just have the kids come later.  She doesn't get it!  No children!  We have several family and friends who have gone to great lengths to come to the wedding and honor our wishes.  We also have several who aren't coming because they can't bring their kids...a choice we completely understand.  Now we have to call her and explain that they can't bring the kids at all.  We have decided not to mention the fact that her children weren't invited either....choosing our battles here.  How do we make it any more clear to her?  Adult Reception was printed on the invitation.  Just her and her husband's names were on the invitation.  Adult Reception is also on our website.  AND we have made it very clear in conversations with our guests that this is the decision we have made.  Now we have children coming and NINE extra mouths to feed dinner to.

We LOVE children and probably the hardest part will be not having our nieces and nephews there, but we felt like we couldn't be making special exceptions, for fear of alienating everyone who has kids and didn't (couldn't) bring them.  I'm at the point where I would rather risk having his aunt and cousins mad at us, then the entire guest list.  Also, the reason his cousins weren't invited is because he isn't close and barely knows them.  He didn't even know they were married....and he thought there were 3 kids between the two of them...not 5.  Not even sure of their names.  But they need to be there to be a part of our special day???  Am I completely off base here or is this just plain rude?  She is trying to turn our wedding into a family reunion...and there is actually one of those 3 weeks after our wedding! 

Sorry for the long post...part venting, part looking for advice.  Any ideas are appreciated!

Re: Guests Bringing Children to Adult Reception! Help!

  • LizzyRBLizzyRB member
    100 Comments Second Anniversary 5 Love Its
    I can't believe how often I read about this on TK. Wow. I am so sorry, what a mess!
    PrettyGirlLostmelbelleup
  • You shouldn't have printed "Adult Reception" on the invitation, but what's done is done.

    You should have stuck to your guns and told your aunt that only she and your uncle were invited...but what's done is done. 

    Call them up and tell them firmly that no, the children cannot come to the ceremony.  They are not invited.  If she chooses to bring them then there's really nothing you can do.  But yes, she's being rude.
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    itzMSPrettyGirlLostKeptInStitchesBlue_Bird
  • Thank you for your suggestions.  I agree the matter needs to be addressed and we plan on doing it very soon.  I offered to call the Aunt and be the bad guy, but my fiance said he will handle it.  The 11/12 year olds that will be at the reception are in the wedding.  I definitely feel like they are an exception and it wouldn't be right to not have them at dinner when they are part of the wedding party.  My 3 year old nephew is the ring bearer, and although he will not be at the dinner, I feel a little bad about not even having him there.  So I think we are being fair in the "Adult Reception" aspect. 

    As for not putting "Adult Reception" on the invite or website, I have read that before and we decided we would rather error on the side of "taboo" than have to call several people about not bringing their kids.  Unfortunately people don't seem to read the envelopes anymore and just assume they can bring whomever they want.  Tacky or not, I think it has saved us some headaches, present situation excluded obviously!

    I'm sure we will get it all figured out.  I just needed to vent to some fellow brides and pick your brains!  Thanks again!
  • I think that is so rude. I don't understand what is so hard about RSVP'ing. If your name is on the invite you are INVITED, if it is not then sorry but no. I can not even imagine gettting an invite and just adding people as I wish. People are so rude!

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    PrettyGirlLostBostonLilly12[Deleted User]CheleLyn
  • I'm confused. Is it to proper to put Adult Reception on the invite? We to are struggling with being able to pay for everyone and cannot afford all the extra kids and when you have to pay so much for them to eat so little. The only children we considered inviting are those actually in the wedding.
  • rsannarsanna member
    500 Comments 5 Love Its First Anniversary
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_guests-bringing-children-to-adult-reception-help?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:cf8c6bc6-6f39-43cf-ac8d-a7af4420f5d9Post:92e9e97f-b826-4e2e-a719-aa7743ca282d">Re: Guests Bringing Children to Adult Reception! Help!</a>:
    [QUOTE]I'm confused. Is it to proper to put Adult Reception on the invite? We to are struggling with being able to pay for everyone and cannot afford all the extra kids and when you have to pay so much for them to eat so little. The only children we considered inviting are those actually in the wedding.
    Posted by karenreneeb[/QUOTE]

    It is rude/tacky/bad etiquette to put Adult Reception on invites.  The OP knew it was rude but decided she would rather do it than have to deal with people inviting children.
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    PrettyGirlLostKeptInStitchesBlue_Bird
  • It is NOT rude to inclue "Adult Reception" on the invite. @ 150 a plate, my fiance & I haven't even included his child in the head count. Its your wedding, your money and as a women w/o a child..I don't want to see them running around ruining my day. Stand your ground, call and express your regreats about the extras, but DO NOT feel bad because you want a kid free reception.

     

    You ladies should be ashamed for not being understanding as brides!

  • It is NOT rude to inclue "Adult Reception" on the invite. @ 150 a plate, my fiance & I haven't even included his child in the head count. Its your wedding, your money and as a women w/o a child..I don't want to see them running around ruining my day. Stand your ground, call and express your regreats about the extras, but DO NOT feel bad because you want a kid free reception.

     

    You ladies should be ashamed for not being understanding as brides!

    This thread is over a year old. Please check the dates when you resurrect threads. If they're old, start a new one with something you'd like to discuss.
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    doeydo
  • It is NOT rude to inclue "Adult Reception" on the invite. @ 150 a plate, my fiance & I haven't even included his child in the head count. Its your wedding, your money and as a women w/o a child..I don't want to see them running around ruining my day. Stand your ground, call and express your regreats about the extras, but DO NOT feel bad because you want a kid free reception.

     

    You ladies should be ashamed for not being understanding as brides!

    Yes it is tacky to put "adult reception", dress codes, etc., on the invitation.

    It's condescending to your guests to do so.

    No one is saying a child free reception is even remotely wrong, if you would actually read the other posts.

    You address the invitation to those who are invited. No other words are needed.

    doeydo
  • ViczaesarViczaesar Central Coast, CA member
    Ninth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer

    It is NOT rude to inclue "Adult Reception" on the invite. @ 150 a plate, my fiance & I haven't even included his child in the head count. Its your wedding, your money and as a women w/o a child..I don't want to see them running around ruining my day. Stand your ground, call and express your regreats about the extras, but DO NOT feel bad because you want a kid free reception.

     

    You ladies should be ashamed for not being understanding as brides!

    You are wrong.  It is absolutely inappropriate to put "Adult Reception" on the invitations, or anywhere else.  If you want a childless wedding then you simply address the invitation to the adults and not the children, and if they RSVP with their children call them and clarify that the invitation was only for the parents.



    doeydo
  • Jen4948Jen4948 Houston member
    Ninth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers

    It is NOT rude to inclue "Adult Reception" on the invite. @ 150 a plate, my fiance & I haven't even included his child in the head count. Its your wedding, your money and as a women w/o a child..I don't want to see them running around ruining my day. Stand your ground, call and express your regreats about the extras, but DO NOT feel bad because you want a kid free reception.

     

    You ladies should be ashamed for not being understanding as brides!

    This is very rude and inappropriate. 

    If you don't want to invite someone's kids, you leave the kids' names off the invitation.  That's all there is to it.  If someone with uninvited kids, or anyone else, wants their special guests to come and includes them in the RSVP, that's very rude of them, and they need to be told that the invitation doesn't include them.  But you never indicate on an invitation who it doesn't apply to.
    doeydo
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