Couples Wedding Shower?

smooches4aej · March 2010

With this being my first and hopefully my only wedding, I'm unsure about how the wedding showers work and who plans them.
We've already had 1 thrown at our church by our Sunday School and my fiance & i invited pretty much everybody we would want to come.
We still have several items on our registries, but I don't want to have another shower just to get more gifts and invite the same people again....

I was thinking about doing a couple's shower/couple's party but don't want the focus to be on presents, or even knoIw if I should say its a "couple's shower".

I guess I'm just trying to figure out if its tacky to have a Couples Shower even though we've already had a wedding shower.....

Ideas, opinions, suggestions?

opalsky007 · March 2010

Has someone offered to throw a shower for you? Showers are parties thrown in your honor, so you really shouldn't plan one yourself. You should also avoid inviting people who are not invited to the wedding, so if you've already had one shower, I'm guessing that covers a lot of your guest list.

If you want to have a party for couples, why not have people over for drinks or dinner and leave the gift-giving out of it?

Mrs.B6302007 · March 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_couples-wedding-shower?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:f3ee2c06-4371-429c-b85b-6522e00b8137Post:294f3834-102e-4fa2-85ac-32ba86fa3534">Couples Wedding Shower?</a>:
[QUOTE]With this being my first and hopefully my only wedding, I'm unsure about how the wedding showers work and who plans them. We've already had 1 thrown at our church by our Sunday School and my fiance & i invited pretty much everybody we would want to come. We still have several items on our registries, but I don't want to have another shower just to get more gifts and invite the same people again.... I was thinking about doing a couple's shower/couple's party but don't want the focus to be on presents, or even knoIw if I should say its a "couple's shower". I guess I'm just trying to figure out if its tacky to have a Couples Shower even though we've already had a wedding shower..... Ideas, opinions, suggestions?
Posted by smooches4aej[/QUOTE]

I'm reading this as you're planning your own shower? That's a big nuh-uh.

MyNameIsNot · March 2010

It would be tacky to invite people to more than one shower.

It would be incredibly rude to throw it yourself or to ask someone to throw it for you.

lisarose7 · March 2010

Don't worry about it. YOU don't throw any showers...they're thrown FOR you.

jamiefour · March 2010

You might get the rest of the gifts for your wedding. Don't plan a shower for yourself and don't have the same people come to more then one shower.

kristinalily · March 2010

We're registering for more things than we think we'll get...but only because we want our guests to have choices...and not just get us something off the registry because they feel like they have to and only have a choice of like 3 things in their price range. A lot of places give you a percentage off of things on your registry after your wedding too...so you could get the rest of your stuff at a discount?

CaptiolBride · March 2010

I've heard of many people who have had more than one shower... with differnt people of course. But if someone wants to throw you one... that's fine. IMO

PsyDet 2155 · March 2010

Wait for someone to volunteer to throw you a shower....don't throw one for yourself. It comes off as tacky and gift-grabby.

sucrets4 · March 2010

I don't get your ticker..."We tie the knot it"? Should the last word be in?

Oh, and ditto everyone.

sucrets4 · March 2010

Yeah, there's no way of having a shower that's not for the presents...that's the whole point of a shower!

Why on earth would you feel it's acceptable to invite the same people to another shower?

[Deleted User] · March 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_couples-wedding-shower?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:f3ee2c06-4371-429c-b85b-6522e00b8137Post:b3ff77ea-a745-4311-ae51-fd08e66336b4">Re: Couples Wedding Shower?</a>:
[QUOTE]I don't get your ticker..."We tie the knot it"? Should the last word be in? Oh, and ditto everyone.
Posted by sucrets4[/QUOTE]

Maybe it's supposed to be "we tie the kno tit"

banana468 · March 2010

Whatever happens, it's something for you but not thrown by you.

There really shouldn't be any repeat guests for showers except for your parents and the bridal party. Beyond that, it's inappropriate for the shower hostess to 'double dip.'

sucrets4 · March 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_couples-wedding-shower?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:f3ee2c06-4371-429c-b85b-6522e00b8137Post:a6cf1310-7338-463b-8ac4-8f0c325bfa38">Re: Couples Wedding Shower?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Couples Wedding Shower? : Maybe it's supposed to be "we tie the kno tit"
Posted by cew515[/QUOTE]

Good point. Tits are pretty cool.

smooches4aej · March 2010

I dont understand why some of the brides on here are so, rude when responding to people's questions...
Such tone behind your messages. SOME of the brides, not all.

IMO: If I want to throw a couples get together, I dont think thats tacky by any means. This is why I asked for opinions, but some of the ladies on here are not polite when commenting back...I dont understand that....

Thank you for responding though. I'm sure I'm going to step on toes writing this response, but after reading some of these comments, some of you come across very snarky. They have a section for that...go chat there. :]

Mrs.B6302007 · March 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_couples-wedding-shower?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:f3ee2c06-4371-429c-b85b-6522e00b8137Post:54d6add4-4332-485d-9509-13488b95f826">Re: Couples Wedding Shower?</a>:
[QUOTE]I dont understand why some of the brides on here are so, rude when responding to people's questions... Such tone behind your messages. SOME of the brides, not all. IMO: If I want to throw a couples get together, I dont think thats tacky by any means. This is why I asked for opinions, but some of the ladies on here are not polite when commenting back...I dont understand that.... Thank you for responding though. I'm sure I'm going to step on toes writing this response, but after reading some of these comments, some of you come across very snarky. They have a section for that...go chat there. :]
Posted by smooches4aej[/QUOTE]
People were just trying to help you not create a major etiquette faux pas by throwing yourself a shower.

[Deleted User] · March 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_couples-wedding-shower?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:f3ee2c06-4371-429c-b85b-6522e00b8137Post:54d6add4-4332-485d-9509-13488b95f826">Re: Couples Wedding Shower?</a>:
[QUOTE]I dont understand why some of the brides on here are so, rude when responding to people's questions... Such tone behind your messages. SOME of the brides, not all. IMO: If I want to throw a couples get together, I dont think thats tacky by any means. This is why I asked for opinions, but some of the ladies on here are not polite when commenting back...I dont understand that.... Thank you for responding though. I'm sure I'm going to step on toes writing this response, but after reading some of these comments, some of you come across very snarky. They have a section for that...go chat there. :]
Posted by smooches4aej[/QUOTE]

Oh dear. Seriously, throwing your own shower is probably one of the most tacky wedding related things you could do. Just like others have suggested, if you really want to have a party, just invite everyone over for a bbq.

ETA: I forgot to read for a second and replaced "get together" with "shower" in my head when I read this. And you are right. Couples get togethers are not tacky, however, that's not what you called it in your OP and that's actually what everyone here suggested. So yeah. Way to backpedal and make yourself seem even more lame.

banana468 · March 2010

Seriously, you're now changing your tune.

THIS:
[QUOTE]
IMO: If I want to throw a couples get together, I dont think thats tacky by any means. This is why I asked for opinions, but some of the ladies on here are not polite when commenting back...I dont understand that...[/QUOTE]

Is fine. You didn't ask that though. You asked this:

[QUOTE]We still have several items on our registries, but I don't want to have another shower just to get more gifts and invite the same people again....

I was thinking about doing a couple's shower/couple's party but don't want the focus to be on presents, or even knoIw if I should say its a "couple's shower".

I guess I'm just trying to figure out if its tacky to have a Couples Shower even though we've already had a wedding shower.....[/QUOTE]

You kept repeating the word "shower".

That's the emphasis you were trying to make.

If you want to throw a cocktail party or get together with friends that's fine. There isn't a rule about these in terms of guest list and they happen all the time.

However you started off by discussing the items on your registry and mentioned the word 'shower' four times in your post. That's the take-away that people get - not a get together but a shower.

So have a get together if you want. But absolutely do not throw your own shower or throw any pre wedding function (or any function in your own honor).

MyNameIsNot · March 2010

Calling people snarky does not erase your selfish, gift grabby attitude.

smooches4aej · March 2010

:]

polichik · March 2010

Let me see if I can illuminiate this further for you.

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_couples-wedding-shower?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:f3ee2c06-4371-429c-b85b-6522e00b8137Post:294f3834-102e-4fa2-85ac-32ba86fa3534">Couples Wedding Shower?</a>:
[QUOTE]With this being my first and hopefully my only wedding, I'm unsure about how the wedding showers work and who plans them.
I'm not sure what this disclaimer is for, but ok.... Carry on.
We've already had 1 thrown at our church by our Sunday School and my fiance & i invited pretty much everybody we would want to come. We still have several items on our registries,
Why is this relevant? Showers aren't to ensure that you get every gift that you register for. This sound very gift-grabby.
but I don't want to have another shower just to get more gifts and invite the same people again.... I was thinking about doing a couple's shower/couple's party but don't want the focus to be on presents, or even knoIw if I should say its a "couple's shower". I guess I'm just trying to figure out if its tacky to have a Couples Shower even though we've already had a wedding shower..... Ideas, opinions, suggestions?
Yes. It's tacky. That's what everybody told you. And to reiterate.... You don't decide to have a couple's shower, or any shower for that matter.
Posted by smooches4aej[/QUOTE]

Basically, you come off as entitled. It's good to know these things before you come off that way to people you actually know. I'm just letting you know... Like you said this is your first and hopefully only wedding, so it's ok not to know everything. It's important to learn, though.

[Deleted User] · March 2010

>3

sucrets4 · March 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_couples-wedding-shower?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:f3ee2c06-4371-429c-b85b-6522e00b8137Post:cfe88eac-c6cf-4b2a-be5d-be71a5c209ee">Re: Couples Wedding Shower?</a>:
[QUOTE] />3
Posted by cew515[/QUOTE]

Is that supposed to be a butt, cew? Like, ass crack and cheeks?

[Deleted User] · March 2010

No.It started out as just randmon and then I had a brain fart and thought "awesome, it's sort of like a c0ck and balls!" and then I realized it was backwards and that I was an idiot. But I also think it might be turkish for couples shower.

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