Save me from Bridal Burnout!!!!

rwllama · May 2012

I have less than 3 weeks left! 19 days, 19 hours and 34 minutes to be exact. My 'to do' list is still a full page, single spaced, long. We are a complete and total DIY couple and I am, regretably, a type-A control freak who can not handle delegating. The one thing I did allow someone else to take control of was the venue. A friend insisted on paying for that as a gift. Then he neglected to pay for it or sign the contracts and I found out after the invitations were sent that our wedding had been cancelled, so we used the money we had saved for a honeymoon to pay for the venue. So, validation for the 'if you want something done right, do it yourself' concept. Anyways, I still have to finish making the alterations to my dress, finish my flowers (all artificial so I can prepare them ahead of time), get the bridesmaids and groomsmen to get their butts in gear and get their outfits finished for the wedding, learn the Charleston and Lindy Hop, coreograph our first dance, find a friend to emcee the wedding (don't really need a DJ, just someone to make a few announcements and press play at the proper times), get the groom to finish his projects, oh, the list is endless. The problem is, every time I sit down to do any of this, I feel the overwhelming urge to throw a temper tantrum that would put a two year old to shame. I can't really do the usual suggestions. We have two children (been together for 12 years), so 'date nights' to get out and relax just aren't very doable for us. Our budget is overextended due to the over-the-top venue that suddenly came out of our pockets although we never would have chosen someplace so hoity toity for ourselves, so I can't justify spending money for a massage or pedicure. I can't have enough privacy to go to the bathroom without interruption, let alone soak in a hot bath or have a nice cry, so those suggestions are out of the question. I've contemplated calling in sick to work and just spending the day at the movies and roaming around antique malls, but I can't justify losing the day's salary to do something so frivolous. I just need some words of wisdom to snap me out of this. Ok. That is all. I'm going to go curl up in the fetal position in the corner now and cry and rock myself to sleep. HELP ME!

UKgal321 · May 2012

number one it's going to be ok! number 2 stop counting the minutes, it adds stress. Don't get frustrated and take a deep breath and do one thing at a time. Looking at a list an entire page long is over whelming. You can't possibly get a page full of things done but you can get one thing done! then another and another. Focus on what you can get done. Then, yell at everyone else to get their things done! (don't actually do this) lol. Keep your chin up girl and don't forget to breath!

brittneyh4 · May 2012

Control freak to control freak - remake your list.

I had a massive to do list and I panicked, nearly bawled my eyes out every time I looked at it. Start making new sets of lists of things you want to accomplish daily, or weekly. That way it'll be a lot smaller.

Definitely start on your alterations first and the WP attire. Those are the big ones. Let go of the stress from the venue issue, it's over and done with, and now you have to just move on from it. You'll find other stress to replace it with

I get you have no time for yourself and don't want to lose a whole days salary, but can you cut out of work even an hour early (or go in an hour late) and maybe take a walk, sit in the sunshine..find a park where you can just sit and be with yourself for a bit? That way it's not a full day you're losing, but you still have a little bit of "you" time.

Don't do wedding stuff every single night either. Give yourself a night off. I know you're getting really close, but in the end, you won't care if the details weren't 100% spot on, because you'll be married! I'm having a hard time with my control freak nature myself, but it just kind of hit me today... so what if all the details aren't 100% perfect? I'm getting MARRIED!

acaponi87 · May 2012

I would cross off learning the Charslton and Lindy-hop.
And a choregraphed first dance.

These are both very unneccesssary and are just going to cause you a lot of stress. Concentrate on more important things.

michellep1 · May 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_june-2012-weddings_save-me-from-bridal-burnout?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:3ae4d68d-f10a-4dec-8810-da13c14a7b86Discussion:536942ce-6992-4bbb-811e-4dd0dab3fa89Post:d08d241d-beaa-4d01-8847-1c1e65c0ed0a">Re: Save me from Bridal Burnout!!!!</a>:
[QUOTE]I would cross off learning the Charslton and Lindy-hop. And a choregraphed first dance. These are both very unneccesssary and are just going to cause you a lot of stress. Concentrate on more important things.
Posted by acaponi87[/QUOTE]

This. Yes, it'd be cool, but it'd be cooler if everyone's attire fits. You need to prioritize and then tackle the items in that order. Like PPs said, do a couple things each day and you'll find your list getting smaller and smaller.

Ash61612 · May 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_june-2012-weddings_save-me-from-bridal-burnout?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding Club BoardsForum:3ae4d68d-f10a-4dec-8810-da13c14a7b86Discussion:536942ce-6992-4bbb-811e-4dd0dab3fa89Post:d08d241d-beaa-4d01-8847-1c1e65c0ed0a">Re: Save me from Bridal Burnout!!!!</a>:
[QUOTE]I would cross off learning the Charslton and Lindy-hop. And a choregraphed first dance. These are both very unneccesssary and are just going to cause you a lot of stress. Concentrate on more important things.
Posted by acaponi87[/QUOTE]

agree

MMRoberts11 · May 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_june-2012-weddings_save-me-from-bridal-burnout?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding Club BoardsForum:3ae4d68d-f10a-4dec-8810-da13c14a7b86Discussion:536942ce-6992-4bbb-811e-4dd0dab3fa89Post:d08d241d-beaa-4d01-8847-1c1e65c0ed0a">Re: Save me from Bridal Burnout!!!!</a>:
[QUOTE]I would cross off learning the Charslton and Lindy-hop. And a choregraphed first dance. These are both very unneccesssary and are just going to cause you a lot of stress. Concentrate on more important things.
Posted by acaponi87[/QUOTE]

Agreed. Prioritize, make smaller lists, and go from there.

peachykeen26 · May 2012

Cut out the unnecessary crap.

HarperBargo · May 2012

I agree with PP. Remember to breathe and that the whole point of the day is that you are marrying the love of your life and that is all that matters.

kelsey+brandon · May 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_june-2012-weddings_save-me-from-bridal-burnout?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:3ae4d68d-f10a-4dec-8810-da13c14a7b86Discussion:536942ce-6992-4bbb-811e-4dd0dab3fa89Post:3714520a-4ba7-4d00-8471-972103858a1d">Re: Save me from Bridal Burnout!!!!</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Save me from Bridal Burnout!!!! : Agreed. Prioritize, make smaller lists, and go from there.
Posted by MMRoberts11[/QUOTE]

<div>This is exactly what I was going to say!</div><div>
</div><div>Prioritize, prioritize, prioritize!!</div><div>That way you can make sure you get the most important stuff done and can forget about the stuff at the end you don't get to because it isn't important. There's nothing worse than running around like a chicken with it's head cut off the week before your wedding trying to get unnecessary stuff done.</div>

Danidawn20 · May 2012

I agree with the PPs cut out the unneeded things and all will be fine. Remember, during the dayit won't mater if everything is right on, because you will be married!

DrPB2b13 · May 2012

First, HUGS for you. Another control freak here, with a new mantra for you:

Your wedding is not about the flowers.
Your wedding is not about what dance steps you can do.
Your wedding is not about what your bridesmaids and groomsmen are wearing.

Your wedding is about love.
Your wedding is about the commitment you and your partner are making to each other.
Your wedding is about the love you have for your family.

I agree with others - prioritize. Of the things you listed, I only see 2 absolutely "critical" ones - finish the alterations on your dress, and make the bouquets. The people in your bridal party are adults, yes? If their outfits aren't finalized, too bad - that is their one responsibility to handle on their own, and if they can't do it, then oh well.

Finally, AT THE VERY LEAST make a pact with your husband-to-be for him to watch the kids alone for two hours for ONE night, and give yourself that long hot bath. And maybe a pedicure.

michelletobin · May 2012

You have really taken on a lot. I understand the having children and no time to yourself. i have 3 boys myself and my FI travels and is gone for weeks at a time so it can be very overwhelming. Call in reinforcements, I am so sorry about the friend letting you down so bad, I would have a few choice words to say to that person without question! However, if one person lets you down doesn't mean you can't count on or trust someone else. break your list up and don't put it all on one page. Put a day by day list together so you don't get overwhelmed and remember, this wedding is an important day but its not your life. Your kids and your future husband are the most important so if some of your to do's don't get done, it will be ok. Just make sure you are taking care of yourself so that you can focus on everything else. If that means locking yourself in the bathroom and letting things fall apart outside the door, then so be it. Good luck and it will be OK!

Save me from Bridal Burnout!!!!

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