Catholic Weddings

Thoughts on the "Catholic gap"

Hi ladies, I posted something about this on E several months ago, but it would probably be better to bring it up here.  I'm extremely conflicted.

FI and I are both Catholic.  We will be having a mass in my home parish, in my hometown.  My church does weddings at 2 pm, so that's when ours is going to be.  With a mass, it will end at around 3 pm.

Right now, our reception is set to start at 5 pm, but our venue and band is pretty flexible so things could be changed if necessary.   I'm wondering what your thoughts are on the "catholic gap" which is that often-complained-of break between the ceremony and reception for catholic weddings.

Thing is, if our guests went immediately over to the reception that would put dinner around 4 pm, at the latest... and that's if we stretched a cocktail hour for an entire hour, which I know I always dislike as a guest.

We have a lot of out-of-towners coming, but our reception is at another site.  The only two ideas we've been able to come up with is to either just have people eat awkardly early by immediately going over to the reception venue or else setting up a little meet and greet with some light snacks in the parish hall.  The major problem with that is that my parents are paying for a full-on reception, and I know that they wouldn't care to feed people a lot of food twice in one afternoon.  Even if the snacks were very light, It's also still a 2 hour gap.

Any thoughts?  What did you do?

Thanks so much ladies!
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Re: Thoughts on the "Catholic gap"

  • edited April 2012
    Our wedding was also at 2pm. The ceremony finished around 3pm and the drive to the reception venue was about 20 minutes. We had cocktail hour from 3:30-4:30 and dinner served somewhere between 4:30-5pm. Our reception lasted until 9:30-10pm. It didn't feel like dinner was too early and it still allowed for our reception to go into the night. My husband was adamant about not having a gap, even though they are somewhat common in his family. Most of our guests, including both of our families, were OOT guests. It worked out very nicely for us and we didn't have any complaints.
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  • Agree with saritak.  Our wedding was at 2:00, with guests clearing out of the church by 3:30.  Our dinner timeline followed pretty much the same as hers (when we arrived, we immediately did first dance, and then guests were asked to go get food).  Our reception ended around 8:30-9:00 and it was fine.  After dinner we did cake-cutting/toasts/special dances/bouquet toss, and by the time all that was done, the sun was setting and everyone partied.  It was perfect and I'm actually glad we decided to be done that early.  We went to a bar with friends afterward, and there was an afterparty at a friend's house, but we didn't make it there.

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  • We have about a 2 hour gap.  We will have a decent number of out of town guests, and many will be arriving that day.  I hope the 2 hours will be a time for those people to check into their hotel and freshen up before the reception. 

    In my family, the Catholic gap is very common.  Sometimes someone will have light snacks at their house in between, others appreciate the chance to go home and let the dog out (-:


  • I think if you have to ask about the gap then it isn't for you. If you've never heard of a wedding without a gap or if you family expects that there will be a gap, then you're fine. Since you're unsure, I think you would be better off moving the reception up.

    How far is the reception location from the Church? Depending on distance, I think you could reasonably push the beginning of the cocktail hour up to 3:30 or 4. Also remember that by the reception, people have often gone a long time without food, taking into account time to get ready and travel and get settled into the church and an hour-long mass and travel to the reception. An early dinner isn't the worst thing in the world.

    Our mass was at 2 and we finished about 3:15 (started a couple of minutes late and had long everything). The reception officially began at 4, but was open for people at about 3:30. For us the time flew, and 5 was there before we knew it. We did bridal party introductions and the first dance and our priest said grace, so dinner started between 5:15 and 5:30. The reception lasted until 9 (I'm sure some people kept the party going elsewhere longer). We headed to the hotel where we were staying and had a couple more drinks at the bar there. Overall, I think things worked out really well.
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  • I'm with making the gap as short as possible.

    Our wedding also began at 2 PM and it was a Nuptial Mass that lasted over an hour.  With a receiving line, that added an additional 20 minutes and guests chatted before driving to the reception hall.   Officially the reception began at 4 PM but guests were welecomed and served on arrival.    Ending the party at 10 (we had a 6 hour reception) didn't feel early at all.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_catholic-weddings_thoughts-on-the-catholic-gap?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural Wedding BoardsForum:615Discussion:3def011b-a1a5-44df-8c69-cb760a4cd305Post:e518fe82-0fcb-47b7-9077-e6608205637f">Re: Thoughts on the "Catholic gap"</a>:
    [QUOTE]We have about a 2 hour gap.  We will have a decent number of out of town guests, and many will be arriving that day.  I hope the 2 hours will be a time for those people to check into their hotel and freshen up before the reception.  In my family, the Catholic gap is very common.  Sometimes someone will have light snacks at their house in between, others appreciate the chance to go home and let the dog out (-:
    Posted by dpbride2012[/QUOTE]

    We wound up with about a 90 minute gap.  No way to move the church time and no way to open the CC where the reception was early.  We hosted wine, cheeses, fruits, sparking water, etc at one of the villas on the CC grounds.

    None of the other weddings I have attended with a gap did anything for the guests during the gap and that sucked.  They are your guests and it's your obligation to be responsible for their comforts.
  • edited April 2012
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_catholic-weddings_thoughts-on-the-catholic-gap?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:615Discussion:3def011b-a1a5-44df-8c69-cb760a4cd305Post:656b5fc2-5f7b-4143-936c-0a6789f7f589">Re: Thoughts on the "Catholic gap"</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Thoughts on the "Catholic gap" : We wound up with about a 90 minute gap.  No way to move the church time and no way to open the CC where the reception was early.  We hosted wine, cheeses, fruits, sparking water, etc at one of the villas on the CC grounds.<strong> None of the other weddings I have attended with a gap did anything for the guests during the gap and that sucked.  They are your guests and it's your obligation to be responsible for their comforts.</strong>
    Posted by ootmother2[/QUOTE]

    <div>This.  If you HAVE to have a gap, you should really try to host something, especially for your OOT guests.  A lot of people justify their gap by saying, "Well, we live in this neat city and everyone will love going around all dressed up," and it's pretty unlikely.</div>
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  • Thanks, ladies I appreciate the thoughts.  I'm still considering, but I'm leaning toward moving the reception up an hour and seeing if I can do my best to negotiate an hour (or even half hour would be wonderful) out of my church so that the ceremony will start later.  My church's saturday evening mass begins at 5:30 instead of 5, and so if we are out of there by 4:30 it shouldn't be a problem.  If I tell them we will take pictures beforehand then the timing really shouldn't be an issue... they say it's a hard policy, but having gone there my entire life (and it's a pretty casual place) I may be able to negotiate at least 30 minutes from them.

    I've been to weddings with gaps and weddings without, and I know I prefer weddings without.  I don't mind a short one (half hourish) because that gives me time to feel like I don't have to rush from one event to the other/park/freshen up but any longer than that and I usually feel like I'm twiddling my thumbs.

    Our reception venue is about 10-15 min away from the church, so if I could get just an extra thirty minutes from my church, that would allow me to do a 4 pm cocktail hour easily (ceremony from 2:30-3:30ish) and dinner around 5.  Even if I can't move the ceremony, I can probably figure that with a nuptial mass it might actually last longer than an hour, in which case 4 pm wouldn't be a huge problem either, especially if people were welcome to start trickling in around 3:30.  

    Thanks so much for all of your help!  You're helping me realize that an early dinner really isn't so bad, especially since people will have had a long day by then.  And the more I think on it, the more I realize that I never really notice the precise time, as long as things keep moving.  I know my FI would prefer a somewhat earlier night anyway, since we are planning on spending our wedding night about 45 minutes out of town.
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