Ceremony question

bar10521 · May 2012

So we met with/booked our wedding officiant Monday and I wanted to get your opinion about the ceremony. We're being married by a justice of the peace since neither one of us is particularly religious and part of his ceremony is a "in memory of" type of thing. He basically lists all the names of our departed family members who can't be with us that day and says a little something (I can't exactly remember what it is). I don't think I like it though. I don't really want any mention of death during the ceremony especially since it will only be about 15 minutes long. I was planning on having a candle lit with a small poem about our loved ones and getting a charm with my grandfather's picture on it for my bouquet for a small discreet way of remembering them. Would you ladies leave in the part during the ceremony or do you also think it's kind of morbid?

emilyb213 · May 2012

I'm with you, I think it's kind of a downer to be reading off names of deceased family members. It would remind me too much of the role calls they do on the anniversaries of things like Sept. 11th. I think the candle, the poem, and the locket are all very sweet ways to remember the people who have passed.

ktwed1 · May 2012

I would also have that part removed. There are so many other ways to honor those that can't be there. You mentioned several good ideas already. If you wan't to lengthen the ceremony you caould add in a couple readings.

SugarFoote · May 2012

I also vote no death. That's just negative. It just be a happy day not a funeral.

kellyeliz · May 2012

I have a little bit of a different opinion but I am getting married in a Catholic Churc. We are doing the prayers of the faithful and we will be mentioning important people who have passed such as my aunt and uncle. I also had a friend who was married by a JP and she mentioned her father who had passed and couldn't be there and it was really sweet. I think that there are different ways to do it and it doesn't have to sound morbid. Maybe someone could read the poem you are going to display during the ceremony?

Also - a little off topic but I was at a wedding this fall and the JP was actually talking about divorce through 75% of the ceremony! I couldn't believe it - that would be the LAST thing I would want to hear about during my wedding ceremony!!

cnf2013 · May 2012

I'd leave out the name saying since you're not doing a religious ceremony with time to fill. 15 minutes is really short and to fill part of that with remembrance is going to take away from the time you have to do the actually marriage aspect of the ceremony. There are other ways to do a remembrance and the ones you mentioned are really good. I also like the idea of having part of the program dedicated to it.

Meghannsix · May 2012

Our ceremony will probably be pretty short as well, in the 20-30 minute range. We don't plan on mentioning any memorials, to me, it's pretty obvious I'd rather have them there with us.

bar10521 · May 2012

I haven't decided on the programs yet. I like them but it will come down to budget. I've also been thinking of putting framed pictures of our family members next to the candle which will be on the mantle of the fireplace in the reception room but I'm not sure about that either.

The JOP married our friends in February and did the memorial thing and everyone was crying especially the bride's grandmother who lost her husband 15 years ago. My grandfather passed away last January and it's still rough sometimes so I don't want everyone focused on that during the ceremony. If we were doing a Catholic Mass I would have put it into the Prayers of the Faithful like Kelly had said but I don't think it will work for such a short ceremony.

We're going to have 2 readings and we'll each pick one. FI has already picked the Irish blessing so I just have to find mine. Our officiant also suggested that we both write something about the other person and e-mail it to him & he'll read it during the ceremony. This will add a bit more to it and be a fun surprise to see what he writes.

Kelly, I would have lost it if I was getting married and all he was talking about was divorce!

ktdid10 · May 2012

I love your ideas way better than the officiant's since your making it more meaningful for you. Since your not having a religious ceremony and just saying their names I think doesn't have the same affect but I could be wrong. But I agree I really don't want tears of sadness coming from people I'd rather have tears of joy!

blferguson1s · May 2012

I'm with you on it sounding morbid. It's a day of joy, not sadness. I could understand maybe talking for a minute about a deceased friend/relative if they were SUPER close to you or played a huge role in your life, but I wouldn't want a list of everybody in my life who has passed away. You could also do it as a general thing, like "in the presence of all who are here and all who are watching from above..." You've come up with a lot of great ideas already, and at the end of the day, it's what you and your FI are happy with.

belle7fl · May 2012

I agree with PP's I would go with your other ideas of remembering those who have passed. My sister thinks I should do something like that during our ceremony too but I'd rather keep it happy since my whole family will be balling their eyes out anyway. Between my FI and I we only have my grandfather still with us so I plan on having him present my grandmothers wedding band to my FI to give to me during the ceremony. He's already given it to us but I thought it would be a positive way to remember my grandmother since we were all really close to her. My FI never really knew his grandparents so as far as he's concerned he just wants to get through our vows and get to the party. Lol

Ceremony question

Re: Ceremony question

Choose Another Board

Search Boards