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Pre-wedding Parties
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just out of curiosity

Mioh1Mioh1
100 Comments
in Pre-wedding Parties

I've read that it's a no no when a bride plans her bachlorette party? Last year one of my good friends did her own party because the only two bridesmaids she had were currently unemployed and we don't live in the same state (otherwise I would have done it) From the pictures I've seen it's a normal bachelorette party but here it seems people think the wedding would be in ruins because of this. What's so bad about it?
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Re: just out of curiosity

  • waltzingmatilda13waltzingmatilda13 member
    2500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    The problem is that you shoud never throw a party in your own honor. It's just tacky.
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  • Muffin'sMomMuffin'sMom
    1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Just because you are broke or out of state doesn't mean you can't make it work.  My daughter's MOH and Bridesmaids are all young with teeny apartments and no money.  We made the invites, they sent them and collected RSVP's, and I did all the food and decor at my house.  For the bachelorette, the MOH told everyone the date, time, and place, and everyone paid for their own drinks.  No one had to pay for everything.
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  • Mioh1Mioh1
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011


    So mainly because it's tacky? Okay I was just wondering.
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  • waltzingmatilda13waltzingmatilda13 member
    2500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_pre-wedding-parties_just-out-of-curiosity?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:32Discussion:0ac67623-5022-44bb-a685-5f6d73a53540Post:da5efd99-aa11-4f9f-b331-6b8d10cc8418">Re: just out of curiosity</a>:
    [QUOTE]So mainly because it's tacky? Okay I was just wondering.
    Posted by Mioh1[/QUOTE]

    Mainly because it looks self-centered and arrogant to throw a party in your own honor. It's like "look at me, look at me" and "give me gifts" and "buy me drinks"!
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  • frenchy730frenchy730 member
    500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Her wedding won't be ruined if she plans her own bach  party, nor will her marriage.  BUT as a general rule, it's a social faux-pas to throw any sort of party for yourself that requires people to bring gifts or spend money in honor of YOU.  It's completely unnessecary to have a bach party and you're supposed to be given one, not force it on people.
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  • Whippet8Whippet8 member
    1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    they way I see it, is: I wouldn't normally call up a friend and say, "take me out and buy me drinks!".

    Being engaged wouldn't change how I treat my friends and family.
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  • twilight.rosetwilight.rose member
    1000 Comments Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_pre-wedding-parties_just-out-of-curiosity?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:32Discussion:0ac67623-5022-44bb-a685-5f6d73a53540Post:725fff4c-ab6c-46b9-9ebc-e51382b68dd4">just out of curiosity</a>:
    [QUOTE] we don't live in the same state (otherwise I would have done it)
    Posted by Mioh1[/QUOTE]

    I realize this party has already come and gone, but for future reference it is quite possible to plan a party from out of state. My MOH planned my shower/b-party from another state with absolutely no trouble, and no assistance from me.
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  • MommyMarta08MommyMarta08 member
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    people throw their own birthday parties all the time- there's no difference. 
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  • mysticlmysticl member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary First Answer
    edited December 2011
    MommyMarta, apparently some people think that it is rude to throw your own b-day party too.  I never heard that till I joined tk. 

    I don't, my view on that is when you invite people to a b-day party you provide them with entertainment and food and adults often request no gifts be given.  With the bachelor party the issue is that the guests are often expected to pay the bride's way so it's rude for her to invite people somewhere and expect them to pay for her transportation, spa treatments, dinner, cover charges, drinks etc. as well as their own. 
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  • waltzingmatilda13waltzingmatilda13 member
    2500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_pre-wedding-parties_just-out-of-curiosity?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:32Discussion:0ac67623-5022-44bb-a685-5f6d73a53540Post:aef4d40e-323c-410a-bd35-591f9a6db9cc">Re: just out of curiosity</a>:
    [QUOTE]people throw their own birthday parties all the time- there's no difference. 
    Posted by MommyMarta08[/QUOTE]

    You shouldn't throw your own b-day party either. Same concept. It's rude and gift grabby.
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  • loop0406loop0406 member
    1000 Comments
    edited December 2011

    I think there's nothing wrong with suggesting what type of theme, event, even location/date/time to the hostess of shower or bachelorette party but not to actually pay for it all.

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  • Mioh1Mioh1
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_pre-wedding-parties_just-out-of-curiosity?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:32Discussion:0ac67623-5022-44bb-a685-5f6d73a53540Post:9ec08319-cd35-4c27-b3c8-155fa1d0ab31">Re: just out of curiosity</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to just out of curiosity : I realize this party has already come and gone, but for future reference it is quite possible to plan a party from out of state. My MOH planned my shower/b-party from another state with absolutely no trouble, and no assistance from me.
    Posted by twilight.rose[/QUOTE]


    True. But then again I wasn't made a bridesmaid. So I didn't think it was up to me at the time. After the b-party she told me she had thrown her own party. She didn't have anyone bring her gifts though. She only had two bridesmaids and technically they just went out clubbing. I guess she should of just called it a girls night out.

    I never thought a wedding had so many rules. I thought it was white dress, elope, food, drinks, dancing and that was it.

    I'm beginning to wonder if all wedding guests go to see if every rule was followed by the book. There's some rules that are no brainers but still.
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  • MairePoppyMairePoppy mod
    Moderator Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 500 Love Its
    edited December 2011
    It's not ok to throw your own birthday party or bachelorette party. You don't throw parties in your own honor, especially if they are gift giving opportunities.

    I think it would be okay, though, if the bride wanted to treat her wedding party to a night out. Then the party would be in honor of the bms.
                       
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  • Haylie04Haylie04 member
    Third Anniversary 10 Comments
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_pre-wedding-parties_just-out-of-curiosity?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:32Discussion:0ac67623-5022-44bb-a685-5f6d73a53540Post:10fdac24-c7da-484c-8d51-cdb957edbe6a">Re: just out of curiosity</a>:
    [QUOTE] I'm beginning to wonder if all wedding guests go to see if every rule was followed by the book. There's some rules that are no brainers but still.
    Posted by Mioh1[/QUOTE]

    Many won't care if rules are broken, some will.  I personally think most knotties care much more than most guests. :P  They're WONDERFUL if you want to know what the rules are though! :)
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  • Mioh1Mioh1
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_pre-wedding-parties_just-out-of-curiosity?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:32Discussion:0ac67623-5022-44bb-a685-5f6d73a53540Post:701d24b5-2d60-455b-ab37-0395ea896daf">Re: just out of curiosity</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: just out of curiosity : Many won't care if rules are broken, some will.  I personally think most knotties care much more than most guests. :P  They're WONDERFUL if you want to know what the rules are though! :)
    Posted by Haylie04[/QUOTE]


    I think so too. I think if there is any flaws the only ones that really notice is the bride and groom.
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  • jcaruncho2010jcaruncho2010
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Okay. While I agree completely that one shouldn't throw oneself a bachelorette party because it is, in fact, tacky, the whole birthday party thing is crap. I'm not sure where you girls are from, but I'm from Miami and down here we throw our own birthday parties ALL the time, and we LOVE it.  We make sure to tell our guests NO GIFTS because the main objective of a birthday party is to have an excuse to get otherwise busy friends together once in a while, drink, dance, and have a good time.  Just a different point of view.
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  • MommyMarta08MommyMarta08 member
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Yea maybe it's a middle of the country thing about the no throwing of bday parties. In NY and LA, everybody I know creates a FB event and is like come celebrate my bday party and we all go out to dinner and then to a bar for drinks. 
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  • AngrytomatoAngrytomato
    500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    eh I'd invite all my friends out for a last night of partying before my marriage. I don't care if it breaks "etiquette". My friends aren't one big gang that all know each other and would coordiate it without me. I'd have to do most of the contacting.

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  • RosannFellRosannFell
    10 Comments
    edited December 2011

    I have no idea...i feel iike a bachelorette party (like a birthday party) would be fine....(bridal shower would be weird though)....if  a bm wants to plan it then I would leave it to her.   Otherwise, I think it's okay to plan your own bachelorette party...it's not like there are so many opportunities to have one.
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  • lilmiss_34lilmiss_34 member
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    People throw their own birthday parties all the time! It's perfectly acceptable because when people throw their own party, they just want to celebrate the event, not use it as an opportunity to get presents, and the guests know that.
    It sounds pretty obvious that this bride understood what her bridesmaids were going through and made it easier on them. She was actually being very considerate. Why do you all assume her bachelorette party plans were for her people to bring her gifts and buy her drinks? Who brings gifts to a bachelorette party anyways? Maybe gag gifts, but gifts should not be a must at a bachelorette party. It's not like this woman was throwing her own bridal shower. I can't believe how up in arms some posters are about throwing your own party.
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  • rae19rae19 member
    10 Comments
    edited December 2011
    i agree with last couple of posts. it's perfectly fine to throw your own parties for certain occasions, say, birthdays. it's calling HOSTING, which usually means the host provides drinks, food, etc. and it's just another excuse for all her friends to gather and have a good time. it's NOT to get presents and free drinks, so i don't know why people are constantly automatically thinking of that first... probably cuz it's on THEIR minds. i'm not throwing my own bachelorette but i definitely had to work with my bm's to find a day i was available due to a crazy work schedule. however it would defnitely be weird or unacceptable if you are constantly the only one throwing parties for yourself. then you'd have to be like... ok... what's wrong with this picture. lol  
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  • RevangelRevangel member
    10 Comments
    edited December 2011
    I think this is another one of those regional things......IMO it's perfectly fine to host your own bday party.....and receive gifts too....although they are not required. Same goes for sayyyy a house-warming party. But I think it'd be weird to host your own bachleorette and especially a bridal shower.
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