what to do...how to handle it..

Re: what to do...how to handle it..

• Simply Fated member

  

  January 2012

  You can't force her to be happy for you, especially if she has an issue with your fiancé. What's her problem with him, anyway?

  
  

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• Elinetrouwt member

  

  January 2012

  What to do? Nothing much. You summed it up perfectly: you jumped the gun and now you have to stick it out. 

  
  

  You could hope she does some soulsearching and realises that she can't stand up for you, but you can't force her to step down. If she says anything bad about FI, you can tell her firmly that this is the man you are going to marry, you love him, so you do not want to hear any comments from someone who is supposed to support you.

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• graysquirrel member

  

  January 2012

  I also think that there isn't much that you can do at this point. If she badmouths him, I would tell her that, respectfully, you've heard her opinion and understand, but that you love your FI and are marrying him, so you would now appreciate if she didn't speak that way about him any more. I'm curious, though, what is it about him that she doesn't like? If he treats you poorly, then she might have a point. If she just doesn't like his sense of humor or something, then that has nothing to do with you and she should keep quiet.
  
  Fortunately, there isn't much that the BMs actually have to do. Other than taking a 2 minute walk and standing silently during the ceremony, she doesn't have to do anything and doesn't even have to interact with your FI.

  

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• froggatt.clare

  

  January 2012

  See above.  Also, if you hardly talk to her she won't have much of a chance to trash your fiance.  If she coes so at any time during the weekend, it will reflect badly on her, not on you.

  

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• KatePlusNate04 member

  

  January 2012

  I was a BM in a good friend's wedding and I couldn't stand her fiance (now husband). He's a jerk who doesn't treat her right, but she didn't listen to any of her friends or family's concerns and married him anyhow. HOWEVER, I wanted to be there to support my friend. I focused on her that day and helping her however I could. I said hello to the groom and that was it. I was polite and didn't cause drama but did not go out of my way to talk with him.
  
  Hopefully your BM and FI will both be mature adults at the wedding and just avoid each other if it will cause arguments or drama. There isn't anything to do now since you've already asked her and please don't tell her how to act on the wedding day. Just trust she will avoid him or be polite if necessary around him. It's one day. It's not like you're asking them to take a week-long vacation together.
  

  
  
  

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• LittleMissCutiePie

  

  January 2012

  Do you still want to be friends with her? As I'm sure you know, your friendship will be permanently damaged by this, and you probably will never be friends like you were. It sounds like you're not very close, and of course someone who's not supportive of your relationship with your future husband is not someone you want to hang around with while planning your wedding. Consider your friendship first, and if she's someone you don't want to be around anymore, certainly ask her to step down.

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