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Chuppa/Processional questions.. pls help! :)

rebraf77rebraf77 member
First Comment
in Jewish Weddings
Hi .. getting married in june (!) and having some issues with the huppa/processional
my father really wants to hold the chuppa but grooms father does not - would it be weird to have my bro, dad & 2 groomsmen hold the chuppa while the grooms father sits? Do the parents sit or stand with us??

Also for the processional, who walks when and with who? I keep seeing groomsmen together and then bm but that sees odd? is it not male/female pairs? (we are reform )

Also where is the chuppa in all this? Is it up there or someone carries it down the aisle? when does do they put it up ? (again this just tye type they hold, not a free standing).

HELP! and thanks :)
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Re: Chuppa/Processional questions.. pls help! :)

  • Bonzo2011Bonzo2011 member
    Fifth Anniversary 100 Comments 5 Love Its
    Our parents are planning on sitting after they bring us to the chuppah. I don't know if that is typical, but that's what they want to do. We haven't decided yet if our chuppah will be free standing or held by people. If it is held, my two aunts and his two sisters will hold the poles. Groomsmen and bridesmaids will not hold poles. if it is free standing, I assume it's put up before the ceremony. Not sure what is typical for one that is held. As for processional, we haven't determined that yet, but for a Reform ceremony (we're Reform as well) I don't think there is any issue with men and women walking together. You're probably seeing the more traditional Orthodox processional with a separation of the sexes.
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  • Kangaroo11Kangaroo11 member
    First Comment
    edited March 2012
    We had a free standing chuppah, so I cannot help you with the logistics of that.
    All parents stood with us under the chuppah.
    We had paired GM/BM couples walk down the aisle and we are Conservative.

    If your FIs father wants to sit, let him.

    ETA: Blech, TheKnot is trying to make me use my Nest name over here. *shakes fist* Ah well. I'm the poster formerly known as penalty shot.
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  • jessicabessicajessicabessica member
    2500 Comments Third Anniversary 100 Love Its Name Dropper
    We had our brothers/friends hold the chuppah.  They carried it out, but not open--so they held the poles straight up, and two in a row with the chuppah closed, then opened it when they got to the front (we put markers for where they should stand).  

    When DH was holding the chuppah (same poles!) for one of our friends, two of the holders sat in the front row, and two carried it out holding the poles parallel to the ground, and then the other two joined and they set it up.  I think our way was nicer, but you should probably do a quick rehearsal unless everyone has held a chuppah before and feels ok about it.  

    We had our parents under the chuppah with us, which I think is traditional.  If your FI's dad would rather sit down, that's fine.  If it's a comfort issue, consider putting a stool or chair under the chuppah for him--we were going to do this for my MIL, but she insisted she could stand.  

    We didn't have BM/GM, so cannot help you there.  You might want to check out Anita Diamant's "The New Jewish Wedding"--she talks about these things, and that book was generally helpful.
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  • vlevittvlevitt
    100 Comments
    i was a little confused about your father wanting to hold the chuppah...does this mean he won't be walking you down the aisle? 

    to be honest, i've never seen a parent hld the chuppah poles, as the chuppah arrives first (unless it's freestanding, in which case it doesn't need "holders"), then the parents walk the bride/groom down the aisle.   at most weddings the parents stand under (or just outside) the chuppah with the bride and groom along with the chuppah holders.

    i personally think it would look a little odd if only the bride's parents were under the chuppah.  but then - the decision is ultimately yours, and there are no rules on how this part is carried out (pun intended ;)...
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  • rebraf77rebraf77 member
    First Comment
    thank you all this is really helpful!

    so both sets of parents stand under the chuppa (didn't realize this)!
    my dad and groomsmen will hold chuppa
    either we will stash the chuppa near the rabbi and have them ufurl it when they reach the appropriate spot or groomsmen will carry down aisle
    so many things to think about!!

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  • Magdala9Magdala9 member
    1000 Comments
    Pick up Anita Diamant's new Jewish wedding handbook.  It will explain the variations and the meanings behind it.
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  • 2dBride2dBride member
    2500 Comments Fourth Anniversary 5 Love Its Combo Breaker
    edited March 2012
    At each of my weddings, we had free-standing chuppot.  At my first wedding, all four parents and both attendants stood under the chuppah.  The parents were not present for the second wedding, but both attendants stood under the chuppah with us.

    At my son's wedding, the chuppah was not free-standing.  One of the groomsmen carried it to the front.  When the groom's father and I finished escorting the groom to the front, each of us took two of the poles.  When the bride's parents finished escorting her to the front, I handed the bride's mother one pole, and the groom's father handed the bride's father one pole.  The four parents held the poles throughout the rest of the ceremony.  There were too many attendants to fit under the chuppah, so they stood on either side of it.  Only the couple and the rabbi were underneath.

    Really, it is your choice who holds the chuppah, and who stands under it.  It is traditional for the parents to stand up front (under the chuppah if there is room), but if they are uncomfortable with that, it's not required.
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  • boston88boston88
    10 Comments
    I've seen it done all of the ways explained above.  Having been a chuppah holder a few times, I would recommend a free standing chuppah, it's easier on the chuppah holders.  You can ask your florist for help, or one of my friends got huge flowerpots and fillled them with stones and put the wooden poles she got from home depot in them.

    As for walking down the aisle, you can definitely have bridesmaids walk with groomsmen, or walk alone.  I've seen it done both ways.

    If your parents want to sit for some reason, you can have a chair at the chuppah for them to sit on so they don't have to stand if they don't want to. 

    And yes, Anita Diamant's book is fantastic, definitely worth reading!
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  • jlr12345jlr12345
    First Comment
    Suggestion on the chuppah holding/free-standing question? What I have seen a couple of time, and that I like, is to have a 'holdable' chuppah that has little holders for each pole so that it can be freestanding.

    That way you can have it set up beforehand, and whoever holds it (which is a lovely custom, I think) can simply pick it up when it is time for the chuppah ceremony. ALSO, they can insert it back into the slots when done, so that you can dismantle it later, which saves having to worry about dismantling/storage right away.

    Best!

    Jlr
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