Civil Ceremony before Destination wedding in MEXICO.

mrspereyda2012 · January 2012

We are legally tying the knot in California in 2 weeks only our parents know about the legal ceremony we are having a wedding ceremony and reception in april with all the bells ect. Is it wrong to annouce we are legally married already we are having a christian pastor "marry us" in mexico for everyone to see but legally we are getting married before is this normal and ok to announce or not? My fiance says lets keep it to our selves so the guests dont feel like they are just watching a show and not the real deal.

AdeleDazeem · January 2012

I'll never understand why people don't pick a destination wedding location where they can *legally* be married without having to marry in US first.

aragx6 · January 2012

If I found out after the fact that you'd already been married for almost 4 months I would be upset.

Why are you even doing this? I'm not sure if others agree, but to me it's more appropriate to do this the other way around. If you can't get married legally where you choose to have the ceremony, just hit the courthouse as soon as you get back to the states. Getting secretly married first seems very wrong to your guests.

If you must do it this way, I think you should call your ceremony in Mexico what it is: a vow renewal. "Marriage blessing" sounds fine to me too as long as it's a religious ceremony.

trixie549 · January 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_ceremony-ideas_civil-ceremony-before-destination-wedding-mexico?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:10Discussion:f0292270-0d33-49ba-8942-eb8b45a3aa86Post:d154860d-f922-4f67-9e87-9f4946144b29">Re: Civil Ceremony before Destination wedding in MEXICO.</a>:
[QUOTE]I'll never understand why people don't pick a destination wedding location where they can *legally* be married without having to marry in US first.
Posted by Joy2611[/QUOTE]

This. It just seems like this adds an extra element of stress and preparation to an already complicated situation.

tldh · January 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_ceremony-ideas_civil-ceremony-before-destination-wedding-mexico?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:10Discussion:f0292270-0d33-49ba-8942-eb8b45a3aa86Post:b00725be-d09b-4c3b-acf8-f17ff8fcf24c">Civil Ceremony before Destination wedding in MEXICO.</a>:
[QUOTE]We are legally tying the knot in California in 2 weeks only our parents know about the legal ceremony we are having a wedding ceremony and reception in april with all the bells ect. Is it wrong to annouce we are legally married already we are having a christian pastor "marry us" in mexico for everyone to see but legally we are getting married before is this normal and ok to announce or not? My fiance says lets keep it to our selves so the guests dont feel like they are just watching a show and not the real deal.
Posted by mrspereyda2012[/QUOTE]

They need to be told when they are invited and that they are being invited to a vow renewal.

@Joy - I've wondered the same thing ever since my friend's wedding in Ireland. I didn't know then that they had to be married in the US until he told me while waiting for the processional that they "did the legal stuff" two weeks earlier and friends who couldn't make it to Ireland were their witnesses there. I was standing in a castle garden in a dress, holding a bouquet and his wife's ring wondering "WTF are we doing here then." The druid priest opened the ceremony stating that everyone knows that a wedding is when two people choose to share their day with their family and friends, not when the paperwork is filed. By then the "WTF?!?!?!s" were so loud in my head I can't remember most of the ceremony.

renegade gaucho · January 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_ceremony-ideas_civil-ceremony-before-destination-wedding-mexico?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:10Discussion:f0292270-0d33-49ba-8942-eb8b45a3aa86Post:b00725be-d09b-4c3b-acf8-f17ff8fcf24c">Civil Ceremony before Destination wedding in MEXICO.</a>:
[QUOTE]My fiance says lets keep it to our selves so the guests dont feel like they are just watching a show and not the real deal.
Posted by mrspereyda2012[/QUOTE]
Nothing says "You're so important to us" like a giant act of deception! If he wants the guests to feel like they are witnessing the real wedding, invite them to the real wedding. If you're going to insist on having two wedding ceremonies, you must tell your guests in advance that the second one is a vow renewal.

AdeleDazeem · January 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_ceremony-ideas_civil-ceremony-before-destination-wedding-mexico?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:10Discussion:f0292270-0d33-49ba-8942-eb8b45a3aa86Post:74ed96f3-767b-4a45-9747-2570127ae6a3">Re: Civil Ceremony before Destination wedding in MEXICO.</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Civil Ceremony before Destination wedding in MEXICO. : They need to be told when they are invited and that they are being invited to a vow renewal. @Joy - I've wondered the same thing ever since my friend's wedding in Ireland. I didn't know then that they had to be married in the US until he told me while waiting for the processional that they "did the legal stuff" two weeks earlier and friends who couldn't make it to Ireland were their witnesses there. I was standing in a castle garden in a dress, holding a bouquet and his wife's ring wondering "WTF are we doing here then." The druid priest opened the ceremony stating that everyone knows that a wedding is when two people choose to share their day with their family and friends, not when the paperwork is filed. By then the "WTF?!?!?!s" were so loud in my head I can't remember most of the ceremony.
Posted by tldh[/QUOTE]

We purposely chose Bermuda because we could legally be married there and that marriage would be recognized by the US. I guess I'm uncomfortable with wanting the big to-do in another place but not following the legal guidelines for the marriage in that place. It seems like the ambience of the country was important than the country's laws.

However, I do understand situations where someone is from (let's say) Ireland and the other is from the US. The Irish person may have wanted the wedding there but is now living in the US, blah blah blah. But, if neither person has ties to the area, I just don't get not following the rules or picking somewhere where you can follow the rules. It's like picking a gorgeous church because you want awesome pictures but you don't give a crap about the religion of said church.

I dunno... maybe I'm too harsh.

tldh · January 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_ceremony-ideas_civil-ceremony-before-destination-wedding-mexico?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:10Discussion:f0292270-0d33-49ba-8942-eb8b45a3aa86Post:c856500a-4eec-4d4f-b3cd-b29c1bbf86c6">Re: Civil Ceremony before Destination wedding in MEXICO.</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Civil Ceremony before Destination wedding in MEXICO. : We purposely chose Bermuda because we could legally be married there and that marriage would be recognized by the US. I guess I'm uncomfortable with wanting the big to-do in another place but not following the legal guidelines for the marriage in that place. It seems like the ambience of the country was important than the country's laws. However, I do understand situations where someone is from (let's say) Ireland and the other is from the US. The Irish person may have wanted the wedding there but is now living in the US, blah blah blah. But, if neither person has ties to the area, I just don't get not following the rules or picking somewhere where you can follow the rules. It's like picking a gorgeous church because you want awesome pictures but you don't give a crap about the religion of said church. I dunno... maybe I'm too harsh.
Posted by Joy2611[/QUOTE]

I don't think you are too harsh. In the Ireland situation, the Groom was from Indiana and the bride was from Arizona. The only one who was there that weekend and who had any Irish blood was me. They just wanted to have a wedding in a castle before they went to Scotland and England for their honeymoon. At the time, I had just graduated law school, was actually making less as a new attorney than I'd been making as a law clerk, and sacrificed a lot to be able to afford to go to this "wedding".

ElleB87 · January 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_ceremony-ideas_civil-ceremony-before-destination-wedding-mexico?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:10Discussion:f0292270-0d33-49ba-8942-eb8b45a3aa86Post:58e660d7-8446-489e-a379-5e045ec84315">Re: Civil Ceremony before Destination wedding in MEXICO.</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Civil Ceremony before Destination wedding in MEXICO. : I don't think you are too harsh. In the Ireland situation, the Groom was from Indiana and the bride was from Arizona. The only one who was there that weekend and who had any Irish blood was me. They just wanted to have a wedding in a castle before they went to Scotland and England for their honeymoon. At the time, I had just graduated law school, was actually making less as a new attorney than I'd been making as a law clerk, and sacrificed a lot to be able to afford to go to this "wedding".
Posted by tldh[/QUOTE]

I would have been so unbelievably pissed off.

I wonder why Irish marriages aren't recognized in the US. They're legit in Canada. H and I wouldn't have gotten married in Ireland if it wouldn't have been recognized back home. In fact, H and I researched quite a few other countries before deciding on Ireland and thought it would be ridiculous to pay and travel thousands of miles to not really get married.

AdeleDazeem · January 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_ceremony-ideas_civil-ceremony-before-destination-wedding-mexico?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:10Discussion:f0292270-0d33-49ba-8942-eb8b45a3aa86Post:63648b4b-bc9b-4ae4-b29d-d6ce5c9fdbf3">Re: Civil Ceremony before Destination wedding in MEXICO.</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Civil Ceremony before Destination wedding in MEXICO. : I would have been so unbelievably pissed off. I wonder why Irish marriages aren't recognized in the US. They're legit in Canada. H and I wouldn't have gotten married in Ireland if it wouldn't have been recognized back home. In fact, H and I researched quite a few other countries before deciding on Ireland and thought it would be ridiculous to pay and travel thousands of miles to not really get married.
Posted by ElleB87[/QUOTE]

Legal marriages in Ireland are recognized by the US government, but you have to meet all the requirements. Residency requirements are a big problem for some.

To legally marry in a civil ceremony in Ireland, you must be in the district for 15 days prior to your wedding or seven days prior + one trip back within a year. All Catholic weddings in Ireland are legal with no residency requirements, but both parties must be Catholic (and you need to marry within a Catholic church, obviously).

EDIT: That was according to one website I found... don't quote me on the specifics, but you get the idea :-) Bermuda had no residency requirements but we had to announce our wedding with both island newspaper ten days before the ceremony. I think there was another small thing, but all of it was straightforward.

ElisabethJoanne · January 2012

I'm of the opinion that American Christians should do like the Roman Catholic Church requires Mexican Catholics: Have a civil ceremony, then a religious ceremony. (This is what the Church requires in many countries, not just Mexico.) The civil marriage and sacramental marriage are, or at least can be, two different things.

It doesn't sound like you're Catholic, but if this is because of deep religious and philosophical convictions, I think your procedure is fine. But I don't see why you should keep it a secret, rather than sharing your reasoning and convictions with your guests. And I think the Mexican location is a factor in making this OK, because two ceremonies is the usual procedure in Mexico.

tldh · January 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_ceremony-ideas_civil-ceremony-before-destination-wedding-mexico?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:10Discussion:f0292270-0d33-49ba-8942-eb8b45a3aa86Post:3abc5fea-f95e-4c96-8a22-d8529b31e62a">Re: Civil Ceremony before Destination wedding in MEXICO.</a>:
[QUOTE]I'm of the opinion that American Christians should do like the Roman Catholic Church requires Mexican Catholics: Have a civil ceremony, then a religious ceremony. (This is what the Church requires in many countries, not just Mexico.) The civil marriage and sacramental marriage are, or at least can be, two different things. It doesn't sound like you're Catholic, but if this is because of deep religious and philosophical convictions, I think your procedure is fine. But I don't see why you should keep it a secret, rather than sharing your reasoning and convictions with your guests. And I think the Mexican location is a factor in making this OK, because two ceremonies is the usual procedure in Mexico.
Posted by ElisabethJoanne[/QUOTE]

It's not the church that requires this. It is the governments.

ElleB87 · January 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_ceremony-ideas_civil-ceremony-before-destination-wedding-mexico?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:10Discussion:f0292270-0d33-49ba-8942-eb8b45a3aa86Post:ee5e5115-4113-44a0-99d6-8624a542f83c">Re: Civil Ceremony before Destination wedding in MEXICO.</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Civil Ceremony before Destination wedding in MEXICO. : Legal marriages in Ireland are recognized by the US government, but you have to meet all the requirements. Residency requirements are a big problem for some. <strong>To legally marry in a civil ceremony in Ireland, you must be in the district for 15 days prior to your wedding or seven days prior + one trip back within a year.</strong> All Catholic weddings in Ireland are legal with no residency requirements, but both parties must be Catholic (and you need to marry within a Catholic church, obviously). EDIT: That was according to one website I found... don't quote me on the specifics, but you get the idea :-) Bermuda had no residency requirements but we had to announce our wedding with both island newspaper ten days before the ceremony. I think there was another small thing, but all of it was straightforward.

No, that's not correct. We just got married (in the Republic, the rules might be different for Northern Ireland) there. You have to be in the country for 5 business days prior to marriage date and submit the paperwork at least three months before for a civil ceremony. And you definitely don't have to go back within a year.
Posted by Joy2611[/QUOTE]

AdeleDazeem · January 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_ceremony-ideas_civil-ceremony-before-destination-wedding-mexico?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:10Discussion:f0292270-0d33-49ba-8942-eb8b45a3aa86Post:e8f4f08d-73ac-41dc-bea0-9c177e51dcbd">Re: Civil Ceremony before Destination wedding in MEXICO.</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Civil Ceremony before Destination wedding in MEXICO. :
Posted by ElleB87[/QUOTE]

Eh - I wasn't sure if that website was reliable :-)

I do that know in some countries you even have to have blood work done to be legally married.

Too many hoops to jump through, it's just easier to do the US, I get it... but then, don't have a DW in that country was really my point (not to you - the OP)

ElleB87 · January 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_ceremony-ideas_civil-ceremony-before-destination-wedding-mexico?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:10Discussion:f0292270-0d33-49ba-8942-eb8b45a3aa86Post:447d1160-3fa9-4581-aea4-13b4e78a8857">Re: Civil Ceremony before Destination wedding in MEXICO.</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Civil Ceremony before Destination wedding in MEXICO. : Eh - I wasn't sure if it was correct. I know in some places you even have to have blood work done to be legally married. Too many hoops to jump through, I get it... but then, just don't get married there.
Posted by Joy2611[/QUOTE]

Yeah, we were originally looking into getting married in Morocco...we would have needed to have blood work done and I would have need a physical to prove that I was a virgin and there were a ton of other requirement...no way in hell we were jumping threw those hoops.

AdeleDazeem · January 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_ceremony-ideas_civil-ceremony-before-destination-wedding-mexico?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:10Discussion:f0292270-0d33-49ba-8942-eb8b45a3aa86Post:bf0cb058-89f8-4895-aec2-2322be894123">Re: Civil Ceremony before Destination wedding in MEXICO.</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Civil Ceremony before Destination wedding in MEXICO. : Yeah, we were originally looking into getting married in Morocco...we would have needed to have blood work done and <strong>I would have need a physical to prove that I was a virgin </strong>and there were a ton of other requirement...no way in hell we were jumping threw those hoops.
Posted by ElleB87[/QUOTE]

Yikes!

kmmssg · January 2012

OP, I can tell you that if I spent he money to go to your wedding in Mexico and found out later that you were already married, our friendship would be done. My thought would be "how dare you lie to me, ask me to spend several hundred dollars, and put on a sham wedding?" We would be done for sure.

I have seen on the DW board where this is done on a semi-regular basis but if I was ever invited to a sham DW wedding I can't imagine how furious I would be. I could have spent those several hundred dollars going to the location of MY choice rather than a do-over wedding.

tldh · January 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_ceremony-ideas_civil-ceremony-before-destination-wedding-mexico?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:10Discussion:f0292270-0d33-49ba-8942-eb8b45a3aa86Post:63648b4b-bc9b-4ae4-b29d-d6ce5c9fdbf3">Re: Civil Ceremony before Destination wedding in MEXICO.</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Civil Ceremony before Destination wedding in MEXICO. : I would have been so unbelievably pissed off.
Posted by ElleB87[/QUOTE]

You should see their wedding pictures. There is not a single one of me during the "ceremony" where I am not glaring at them.

courtneynaray · October 2012

I think that everyone here is being way too harsh. I am personally really surprised that there are so many people who are just plain critical to those who have decided to get the paperwork done before the wedding at the destination. I'm not even talking about the 'lieing' part of the OP....

I came on this thread to look for support and advice with the planning as I personally have been planning a LEGAL ceremony in Punta Cana (a place which is very near and dear to our hearts in more ways than you can imagine) for months and months...however the "legal" judge has not confirmed a time with us yet and we are leaving in 14 days!!!!

To ease the stress of this situation, we have decided it would be best to get the "paperwork" out of the way while at home. We will be getting married at city hall with a very short, extrmemly impersonal ceremony..We will not be exchanging rings...all I want to do is sign the papers and leave. To me, this is NOT my wedding, but just part of the process that we have to go through to make this happen. I don't want any guest, because I dont want it to take away from my ACTUAL wedding day. I refuse to refer to my REAL wedding in Punta Cana as a "vow renewel" because it's NOT...its my wedding! Deception? Please! To me the civil ceremony at home is 100% paperwork.

For anyone who was or "would be" insulted as a guest at a "sham" wedding...I think you just need to take a step back and realize that the wedding is not ABOUT YOU.... The process of planning a wedding is stressful enough...The bride and groom WANTED YOU there to CELEBRATE their life together. The fact that you might not have gone if you had known it was a "SHAM" is ridiculous. I am assuming that most people making these comments have never had to plan a destination wedding, so I'd really advise you to keep your extremely rude and uncalled for comments to yourself. Until you've walked a mile in our shoes, you really have no idea what you're talking about..... SHAM wedding? Well thank you. I'm glad that you think that the day that I plan to celebrate as my anniversary every year for the rest of my life is a SHAM. That is so insulting..I am forever grateful that there are no people in my life who have an attitude like that.

Civil Ceremony before Destination wedding in MEXICO.

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