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May 2013 Weddings

Don't know how to handle this one...

I have been asking FMIL for the final guest list since June, I finally just received it last night. Our final count including wedding party is 253. I think that this is outrageous.

I don't exactly know how to handle this, I cut my guest list down to about 80 people, but his mom kept adding people to the point where they're side is over 130 people. This does not include the friends that FI and I are inviting.

We sat down last night and figured out costs and with buffet and 2 hours open bar it puts us at about $8200 but the prices may increase 2 to 3 percent for the 1st of the year.

How can I go about asking her to cut down the guest list to make this a more manageable cost. With everything else included we totalled out to about $15,000 which to me is crazy and a down payment on a house.

Help!
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Re: Don't know how to handle this one...

  • I would ask FI to take this one on. Because we are paying for the wedding, I did not even consult FMIL on who she would want invited. We expressed since day 1 that this was a budget wedding and would be immediate family & friends only.

    Its not a conversation I would be comfortable having with FMIL. I would ask FI to do it.
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  • SwazzleSwazzle New Jersey member
    10000 Comments Seventh Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    Is she contributing?



  • Yea she is, she paid our deposit and has already given us some money.

    The bigger problem is that FI and I want some kind of open bar even if it's not the whole night so we compromised to 2 hours because that gets us the hors d'oeuvre and snacky food before dinner, she doesn't see that we need that.
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  • SwazzleSwazzle New Jersey member
    10000 Comments Seventh Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_may-2013-weddings_dont-know-how-to-handle-this-one?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:ea657a87-d1dc-4588-999f-31c9deeef720Discussion:c02a64c3-a840-465c-9745-191146bba80dPost:5c1aaa15-f190-4b78-a1f5-c0aa2d959363">Re: Don't know how to handle this one...</a>:
    [QUOTE]Yea she is, she paid our deposit and has already given us some money. The bigger problem is that FI and I want some kind of open bar even if it's not the whole night so we compromised to 2 hours because that gets us the h ors d'oeuvre and snacky food before dinner, she doesn't see that we need that.
    Posted by RebCappon[/QUOTE]

    <div>I would say to figure out how many people (total) you can realistically afford. Once you've accounted for your friends and family and people on FIs side that you do want there, whatever is left is what I'd tell her you are comfortable with having.  So if you can afford to have 150 guests and 80 of them are your family and your friends, tell FMIL that you can accommodate 70 of her guests and to let you know who she'd like those people to be. </div>



  • I agree with PP

    Also, it sounds like you're not sure exactly how much she is contributing overall. Has she giving you an amount?

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  • I agree with having FI handle the conversation with his mom. I think just laying it out, showing her the numbers and how much each guest would "cost" would put it into better perspective.
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  • I had to end up talking to my FMIL about this. FI was afraid to so I did. And I just said because me and FI are paying for our wedding we can only accomadate so many ppl. I need you to give me a list of ppl who is most important and close family and friends. I said please keep distant family and friends to a mimnium as we rather accomadate those family and friends that are close. Hth
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  • Danny&Mel2003Danny&Mel2003 member
    1000 Comments First Anniversary
    edited September 2012
    Talk with them together not just you. Since both our families gav us money we decided they each get 5 people to invite whoever they want, the rest out list is family and our friends. We are 5 over our budget but more than likely 510 ppl won't be able to make it. Our list is 90 people I would be happy with 80 people coming crossing my fingers!!!!
  • Oh and 1 more thing. It may need to be a conversation done in person versus on the phone. By phone there is so much opportunity for miscommunication and you want to be able to read her body language, etc.
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_may-2013-weddings_dont-know-how-to-handle-this-one?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:ea657a87-d1dc-4588-999f-31c9deeef720Discussion:c02a64c3-a840-465c-9745-191146bba80dPost:eb34b3a8-ef21-4223-bffd-e085977c5625">Re: Don't know how to handle this one...</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Don't know how to handle this one... : I would say to figure out how many people (total) you can realistically afford. Once you've accounted for your friends and family and people on FIs side that you do want there, whatever is left is what I'd tell her you are comfortable with having.  So if you can afford to have 150 guests and 80 of them are your family and your friends, tell FMIL that you can accommodate 70 of her guests and to let you know who she'd like those people to be. 
    Posted by rdr716[/QUOTE]
    This. FI and I told our family (respectively) how many people we could accomodate for them. I had trouble with my parents inviting family and friends of theirs. Once I made it firm how many people they could invite, it went smoothly. I think its just a matter of letting them know.
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