Would you be offended?

beardo1111 · February 2013

My sister and I are getting married about three months apart later this year. We are each other's MOH and initially talked about doing a joint bachelorette with the rest of our BMs. We live on opposite coasts, her on West Coast and me on East Coast, so initially discussed maybe trying to organize something in Vegas. I ran the idea by my other BMs just to see what they thought and they both seemed interested.

Sister has recently decided that she would like to do something in California (she's in the Pacific Northwest). She has good reasons for this - i.e. two of her other BM and several friends live there and she's doing the bachelorette only two weeks prior to her wedding (again for a good reason, wanted to do a long weekend so no one would have to miss work) so didn't want to make those girls travel twice in such a short period of time. Also we've both done Vegas a few times and thought this would be a nice change. I think it sounds like a great idea and her other BMs have kind of taken the lead in planning, since they live in that area.

Here's my question - I definitely want to go and participate but I don't know any of her friends and don't want to go alone. One of my BM lives in Austin and has the time and money to make the trip, and I'd love to have her along for the weekend. My sister is also fine with this. My other two BM are in the Midwest and on the East Coast, and not in situations where they have a lot of extra cash (one recently lost her job). Now that plans for the party have changed (i.e. California and not Vegas and over a holiday weekend) it would be a longer and more expensive trip for both of them. I highly doubt they'd be able to go and I feel bad even asking, however I already vaguely discussed the idea of a joint bachelorette with both of them.

Ultimately it looks like this is shaping up to really be a party for my sister (which I'm completely fine with) however I think my one BM from Austin is going to come alone too. My question is - do I have to invite my other two BMs? Would you be offended if you were them and I didn't ask you to join? I don't want to violate etiquette trying to put together my own bachelorette but I also would like some company for the weekend for my sister's party.

Sorry for the long post - advice appreciated.

OliveOilsMom · February 2013

I would go with the etiquette response of those not invited to the wedding, do not get invited to the pre-wedding parties. I would just give your BMs a heads up that the Vegas plans have fallen through, so you won't be doing the joint b-party anymore. Then it would be left to your MOH & BMs to plan your b-party, if they wish to throw one for you.

beardo1111 · February 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_would-you-be-offended?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:9cfaa697-7929-46ed-be3c-99638bbfcf5cPost:09a333c3-de06-47c2-8add-306e79ed7eb5">Re: Would you be offended?</a>:
[QUOTE]It IS offensive, for several reasons: 1.<strong> Bachelorette parties are not hosted or planned by the brides. Hosting your own bachelorette party is the same thing as hosting your own bridal shower. It's in your honor, so you shouldn't host or plan it.</strong> It's a gift to you, given by someone someone else. 2. The type of bachelorette party that you get is determined by what the host or hostesses decide to plan for you. You can express your preferences if asked, but it's up to them. 3. <strong>Destination bach parties are a lot to ask of a friend.. Please don't assume that "she can afford it." That might not be the case, and they may not wish to use their vacation time and a large amount of personal funds for a weekend for someone else. (This does not make them a "bad friend" either.)</strong>
Posted by RetreadBride[/QUOTE]

My sister and I are each other's maids of honors. We are not trying to plan our own parties but are trying to plan each other's parties that coordiante with each other. We're getting married three months apart and live on opposite sides of the country - to us a joint party made sense. I am very aware of the ettiquette against planning your own party and am trying not to violate it. Maybe it was a bad idea from the start since it doesn't seem to be working out anyways.

My friend who would like to join for the trip has discussed the likely price tag of the trip with me and has made it very clear that she wants to join. I am VERY aware that it's a lot to ask - hence my hesitation to even ask the other two girls. Obviously I don't think any of my friends are "bad friends" and I don't believe I insinuated that in my post in any way.

Would you be offended?

Re: Would you be offended?

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