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FMIL advice

Kdancy0805Kdancy0805 member
10 Comments
in Chit Chat

So my fiance is the first child to get married in his family. His family is very close and thats one of the things I love about him. I love the respect he has for his Mother and Father. I love his Mom and Dad. We get along great but I do have an issue and need a little advice. His parents live in a different state than us and come down to see us quite a bit. We own our house and keep it clean. Everytime they come to see us they are rearranging things or something. The last time the FMIL was here I came home from work and she had my dirty laundry spread out in piles and was cleaning our bathroom. (Which was not dirty, maybe not clean to her standards but defiantly not dirty) I know most people would say heck yea but it kind of weirded me out. What would you do? I obviously dont want to cause any sort of problem.

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Re: FMIL advice

  • MrsL2014MrsL2014 member
    100 Comments Second Anniversary
    lock your door to your bedroom. Anytime I have guest over I have no problem locking the doors to rooms I dont want people in. It always seems like something gets messed up if I dont.
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  • Avion22Avion22 member
    2500 Comments 5 Love Its
    Your fiance needs to have a chat with his mother about boundaries.  Sorting through your dirty laundry and rearranging stuff in your house is NOT okay.  I wonder about the cleaning though...could she possibly have some kind of OCD?  
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  • Maggie0829Maggie0829 member
    Eighth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    When my Mom comes home for a visit I always know that no matter what I say to her she will clean the house and do the laundry.  Every time I tell her to not worry about it and that she is a guest and not my maid but she insists.  Now this is my Mom doing it, but if it was my MIL I would be a bit weirded out by it mainly because she is not my Mom and since I typically do everything like my Mom did it I would just be annoyed because then I would have to do everything over again.

    Anyhoo, if you don't like it you need to talk with your FI about it.  Honestly, she may not even realize that it bothers you.  She may feel like it is the least she can do since you are letting her stay with you when she visits.

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  • amyb140amyb140 member
    Third Anniversary 100 Comments
    I have no advice, but the thought of my mother cleaning my house is absolutely hilarious.  She's had the same cleaning ladies for 30 years - she doesn't even clean her own house!
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  • TheVirginiansTheVirginians member
    500 Comments 25 Love Its Name Dropper First Anniversary
    I would be totally weirded out by someone touching my laundry, but my best friend would just laugh and accept it. Could you re-direct her to cleaning the oven instead?
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  • allychaseallychase member
    1000 Comments 25 Love Its Second Anniversary Name Dropper
    what the hell??? What awesome moms.... my mom barely keeps her own house clean. I wish I had this problem!!
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  • StephBeanWed61502StephBeanWed61502 member
    2500 Comments Third Anniversary 5 Love Its Combo Breaker
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_fmil-advice?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:c49a84ad-a01a-4503-9e98-2e6fc0e5d792Post:d1ba3cd4-01e7-4fed-9b36-f1cb7ca7616c">Re: FMIL advice</a>:
    [QUOTE]what the hell??? What awesome moms.... my mom barely keeps her own house clean. I wish I had this problem!!
    Posted by allychase[/QUOTE]



    "Awesome?" Really, Ally? OP's FMIL was sorting through her dirty laundry, I am assuming including underwear. I am failing to see how having your FMIL paw through your dirty unmentionables (even with the intent of "helping" by doing the laundry) is anything other than skeevy.
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  • RamonaFlowersRamonaFlowers member
    Eighth Anniversary 500 Love Its 1000 Comments Name Dropper
    edited August 2012
    In my family, it's kind of common for moms, grandmas, aunts, etc to just randomly clean something while visiting. It's not meant as an insult ... it's just a really weird way of showing love. That being said laundry is sacred territory (It involves underwear, for Pete's sake!). You never do another person's laundry in their own house.

    So to me, her cleaning the bathroom doesn't faze me ... but her doing your laundry sends me right over the edge.

    If any of this behavior bothers you, though, sit down with you FI and address your concerns, and have him deal with his mom.

    *I felt sorry for my husband before I met him. Take a number.*
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  • GoodLuckBear14GoodLuckBear14 member
    2500 Comments Fourth Anniversary 25 Love Its Combo Breaker
    edited August 2012
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_fmil-advice?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:c49a84ad-a01a-4503-9e98-2e6fc0e5d792Post:d1ba3cd4-01e7-4fed-9b36-f1cb7ca7616c">Re: FMIL advice</a>:
    [QUOTE]what the hell??? What awesome moms.... my mom barely keeps her own house clean. I wish I had this problem!!
    Posted by allychase[/QUOTE]

    Really?  You want Marie Barone as a MIL?
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  • mrsbiss2bemrsbiss2be
    100 Comments
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_fmil-advice?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:c49a84ad-a01a-4503-9e98-2e6fc0e5d792Post:5dd98656-5075-466d-aae8-6d826c59a539">Re: FMIL advice</a>:
    [QUOTE]This is a problem that should be addressed by your FI.  The last time MY mother tried to clean my bathroom, DH carried her fireman style down the stairs, firmly saying "You are a GUEST in our house!  Now act like one!"  He had my permission to do this.  I wish I had taken pictures!
    Posted by CMGr[/QUOTE]

    HA!!! That's awesome!!
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  • aloisk57aloisk57
    500 Comments
    I had the same problem.  I spent HOURS cleaning the house before my FMIL and FFIL came down for the weekend.  FMIL always says little comments, asking if I washed their sheets and towels, etc (which, of course I do!!), and so I'm super sensitive about her being at our house.  So like I said, I spent hours cleaning...she walks in with a new SEASHELL rug to replace the nice Parisian rug that is in front of our sink.  I have no shells in my house, and I loved my current rug...so I planned on just putting the seashell abomination in the basement when she left.

    Well, I left to go to my parent's house and FI went to work, so my future ILs were alone in the house for the afternoon.  When I came home, she had torn up my rug, thrown it out, replaced it with the seashell rug, bought all kinds of new cleaning supplies and sponges, and cleaned 1/4 of my kitchen floor!!!  Apparently I don't know how to clean it (it's white linoleum that we're getting replaced shortly - I regularly vacuum and mop it but yeah...it's kind of dingy - but definitely not dirty).  So I took one look at all of that and just lost it....ran upstairs, cried, called my mom, the works.  FI finally came in and I told him he needed to set boundaries with her PRONTO or this wasn't going to work anymore.  Luckily he told her that she couldn't do that anymore...but it was just the worst.

    Now things are kind of weird between us, but I don't really care.  She overstepped the boundary and she needs to realize that this is OUR house, not hers.  Ugh...just thinking about it makes me rage out.
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