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who to invite

harmonybharmonyb
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in New York-Upstate
My guy and I are having a very small wedding, less than 40 people (including ourselves).  We chose to have it small for cost and stress reasons.  We wanted it to be just family and our dearest friends.  However, there are other people we'd like to have involved who aren't as close to us as our families, like work friends and old friends we don't see/talk to that much anymore. 

I was thinking that these people could be invited to a bridal shower, since i am fond of them and want them to celebrate with me somehow.  Would it be rude to invite people to a shower and not to the wedding?  How do I explain to them why they won't be coming to the big event (which will actually be pretty low-key)?  I know it's my day and i can do as i like, but i certainly don't want my friends and co-workers to think i'm snubbing them.

Any thoughts?
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Re: who to invite

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    MissyCeeMissyCee member
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    edited December 2011
    Whoops, I definitely voted on the wrong answer on accident. I don't think it's ok to invite people to any party related to the wedding and not invite them to the wedding. Not cool. I imagine they'd be pretty P.O'd .
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    jennob98jennob98
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    edited December 2011
    Do not invite them to something where they are expected to bring a gift then not invite them to the wedding.  Do something to celebrate a few weeks after the wedding and stress to them to not bring a gift.
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    FrozenpenguinFrozenpenguin
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    edited December 2011
    Don't do this! It is incredibly rude to invite someone to the shower but not invite them to the wedding.
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    iamjoesgurliamjoesgurl member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I agree with the pps.  If I was invited to a shower but not a wedding, I would feel like I was being used.  I would feel like it is okay for me to spend money to buy the couple a gift but I'm not important enough to witness their wedding ceremony.  I would recommend either inviting everyone to the wedding or sticking to your smaller guest list for all pre-wedding festivities.
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    lynniearudnerlynniearudner
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    edited December 2011
    i agree with PPs. 

    I think, in general, etiquette dictates that you should not invite people to an event where they are expected to bring a gift for your wedding if they are not invited to the wedding itself. 

    how about a casual reception (bbq, dinner party, etc) for these people instead? that way you can celebrate with them, but you dont run the risk of offending them. 
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