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June 2013 Weddings

Bad relationship with sister

I have always had a bad relationship with my sister. We fight all the time and when she went away to college I thought it was the best day of my life. We have not lived in the same state for the past 14 years and we never even talk on the phone like friends/sisters. I have never gone to visit her and other than a couple of Christmases with the whole family she has never come to just visit me. I seriously only talk to my sister on the phone on her or my birthday or Christmas. Right from the get go I told my Mom that I didn't want her in the wedding because we don't get along. (from verbal fighting to actually fighting). I don't want to agure with her and it turn into a fight with either bruises or crying on the wedding day. She was really upset that her only two daughters can't be in each others wedding. She said it would look really bad that my only sister wasn't even in my wedding. And that is not what sisters do. But we have never even been like sisters that fight sometimes and then most times we get along great. We basically just stayed out of each other's way when we lived in the same house.
Anyways would you put your sister in your bridal party if you had a relationship like mine?
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Re: Bad relationship with sister

  • I'm sorry about your situation! I can understand where you mom is coming from, as in I can see how people might think it's weird that your sister is not in the wedding party (especially if it's a large WP and people don't really know about you and your sister not getting along that well). But that being sad, I think if you've never had a relationship you shouldn't feel like you have to invite her just because she is your sister. One thing that I would think about is whether you are going to be OK if your sister ends up being upset that she is not in the WP and not coming to the wedding at all. But since you guys don't really have any sort of relationship I don't think she is really expecting to be a BM or a MOH... 
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  • I'm sorry that you have that kind of relationship with your sister. I don't think that you need to have her in your WP especially if you think it could escalate to the point of someone having a black eye. If you don't expect much of her or ask much of her, especially if she lives in another state, then you wouldn't have to spend too much time together if you did ask. Ultimately it's up to you but I wouldn't feel obligated since you don't really have much of a sisterly/friendly relationship with her.
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  • edited June 2012
    I'm really sorry to hear about your situation. I know how it is to not get along with your only sister. We're best friends now but from 10-25 my sister and I hated each other, we used to get into fist fights all the time and she didn't even live with me. She was married and had her own family when I was 10 but it was horrible. I would say you don't have to put her in your WP. Explain it to your mom, if you haven't spoken to her in that long then the people who love and care about you they should know you don't really speak to your sister. Plus if you don't want her there what makes your mom think your sister is even going to accept your invite to be in the WP. Good luck!
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  • When one of my friends got married a couple years ago, she asked her older sister to be her maid of honor. They've always had a rollercoaster relationship, and the stress of the wedding brought out the worst in both of them. After a disaster of a bachelorette party, where the bride's sister got hammered and spent all night telling my friend how much she (the sister) hated her future brother-in-law, and how my friend was making a huge mistake, she ended up being demoted from the maid of honor to just a bridesmaid (and that was only because their mom insisted on it). They ended up not speaking for nearly 8 months, and my friend has said repeatedly that having her sister in the bridal party was the only thing she regretted about her wedding. So, moral of the story- if you guys don't have a good relationship, don't let your mom pressure you into making your sister a bridesmaid if it's not what you want. Good luck!!
  • Hmmm I don't have a sister, but I do have a brother.  I love him well, like a brother haha and his boys (who are in the wedding) but he will not be.  I really don't think its a big deal at all.  While I would do anything for my big bro, I also don't see him as often as I would like so there are some people who I am a little closer to.  He will always be my brother though and we do count on each other to get through the bad times but theres no hard feelings, in fact hes probably glad he doesnt have to pay for yet another tux rental haha.

    My selfish and sort of snarky (sorry, stems from my mom issues lol) opinion is that you can have who you want and your mother needs to stop trying to paint a picture perfect family.  Too often people try to force things just to look good and it ends up backfiring.  Its like two magnets that want to repel, you can force it together but the second you stop paying attention it will fly apart and twist the way it wants to be.
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  • I agree with the PPs, I wouldnt feel pressured to ask her, she most likely probably isnt expecting to be asked.
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  • Thank you everyone for your advice!!
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