Pre-wedding Parties

Stuck with a HUGE bridal shower

My younger sister is getting married this August, and as MOH I offered to host a bridal shower in her honor. But when we started to talk about the guest list, it quickly grew to over 50 people, most of them from the groom's side. I understand that my future brother-in-law comes from a large and close knit family, and that my sister doesn't want anyone to feel left out, but I'm worried about the cost of hosting such a large party. I live in a small townhouse, so with so many people it will have to be at a restaurant or I'll have to rent a space, not to mention the cost of food and alcohol (the groom's family are pretty big drinkers). I really want to throw a nice shower for my sister and I'm willing to spend money on the event, but I'm starting to feel like I'll have to either totally blow my budget, or have a really cheap feeling event. To make matters worse, none of the other bridesmaids can afford to contribute financially. Is it unreasonable to expect (hope?) that someone from the groom's family will offer to host a party for their side? The groom's sister (one of the bridesmaids) is still in high school, and while his mother did offer to help, it was more in a set up way than a financial way. Basically I'm feeling a little taken advantage of, but I don't want to cause stress for my sister or offend anyone. Any advice on how to handle this delicately, or should I just suck it up and try to cut costs where I can?

Re: Stuck with a HUGE bridal shower

  • AddieCakeAddieCake Beyond the Wall member
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 25 Answers
    edited February 2013
    As the hostess, you need to tell her how many you can afford to host. She needs to scale back her list accordingly. 
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
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  • I suggest taking a look around at possible venues to get an idea of how much they're going to cost. Base the guest list head count on what your budget is. Let your sister know how many people you can afford to host properly and ask her to scale back until you have something you can handle.
    If none of those venues are cost effective and you want to have it in your townhouse, let your sister know how many people you can properly host.

    Please don't expect anyone on his side to pay. Because if they don't, you're stuck with the bill. Worse, if they offer to help, and then they back out. That happened to me and it sucked. Budget what you can afford to pay and not a penny more.

    Honestly? If she refuses to scale back her guest list to something you can manage, I'd let her know that you aren't able to host, afterall.
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  • NYCMercedesNYCMercedes BOS, NYC, DC. Forever a city girl member
    Sixth Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    Really, you can tell her how many you want to host. If 15 fit in your house, then tell her "15 is the limit for my house". To keep costs down, have it on a Sunday afternoon when people won't expect liquor or a meal. You don't need favors or decorations, either, if you're trying to keep costs down.
  • Your post brings back memories!

    I hosted my sister's bridal shower.  I ran everything by other BM's, found out their budgets, etc.  Because she was lil sis, and because I was financially better off than other BMs, I offered to them to cover all expenses but food.  We had approx 75 people (she had 250 at her wed).  I thought it a little crazy but just went along.  I got an amazing deal at a great restaurant b/c I knew the chef so we came in under the budget set by the other BMs for food.  I went all out on invites, favors, decor - all on me I know, I have a Martha Stewart complex, and I honestly didn't mind.  She was my lil sis afterall.  It was a beautiful shower.  But at the end, only one bridesmaid paid me, 1 bounced a check and never gave me a good one and 2 others nothing at all.  I didn't want to cause drama, so I just let it go and said to myself, lesson learned.  And I never said anything to my sis.

    FF a few years and she asks me to host her baby shower.  I say ok but I want to have it at my house, please give me your list of about 30 to 40 people.  I have a decent size house and could host a nice luncheon for that many.  This time my other sis (18 y older than me) offers to help.  Lil sis says her guest list is well over 60, she wants it at a restaurant and that her friends will help.  Of course I'm thinking to myself, yeah, the ones that screwed me before.  I suggest 2 showers, I will host for fam and her friends can host another.  She went off on me, yelling at me that she wants it her way and how I am being selfish b/c I have money and can afford it.   I swear I am not making this up!  I can't beleive I stayed calm, passed off some of it on the pregnancy and some of it o her being baby of the fam, but I politely stuck to my guns.  She then calls my other sister telling her how unreasonable I was, unaware she was co-host.  She of course sided with me and told her she was being rude.  Lil sis stops talking to us.  We ended up being invited to shower that her friends throw her.  Neither lil sis or hostesses ever came over to say hello or acknowledge us and we were sitting with our mother - who was in poor health!  And it is awful to say because I know people do what they can afford but it was just tacky.  It ended up being in the basement of the dingiest VFW I have ever been to, the bathrooms were filthy and they had a cash bar at 10 am, which was open to the public so scary looking guys - the kind that go to bars at 10 am - kept coming in and hanging out at the bar right next to where we are sitting, during the shower!  And all my poor mother kept saying to me was why didn't you host the shower.  I was so mad I didn't talk to lil sis until the baby was born. 

    As PP have stated- Only host what you can and want to afford.  Don't count on anyone else helping.  And don't feel like you have to have liquor either.  If all you can do is cake and punch so be it.  I do not regret telling my sister no.  Of course I know I helped create the monster!

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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_pre-wedding-parties_stuck-with-a-huge-bridal-shower?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:32Discussion:c8d75ebb-b365-45e9-b373-199a035ee9faPost:3531049b-64c8-4047-8949-e196fb6e1050">Re: Stuck with a HUGE bridal shower</a>:
    [QUOTE]ciligirl, that is incredible.  I am SO sorry that happened to you. 
    Posted by RetreadBride[/QUOTE]



    Oh, i got over it. It was 10 years ago...lol
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