Am I Crazy??? 2 Cermonies in 1 day??

KerisaHarman21 · March 2013

Okay so before you pre-judge my craziness here is some backround. my FH wants a beach wedding and I do too but there are a few problems i'm facing:

1. The nearest beach is 2 hours away minimum making a long travel time for guests
2. there are no facilities that will accomodate all my guests and be in our price range
3. we have to have a beach permit to put absolutely anything on the beach which would cost extra
and 4. We want to have the reception back at a friends house (which is completely gorgeous and huge!)

I have contemplated just doing the ceremony with family and the reception with friends and just showing a pre-reception video to our guests before we make our entrance but i've heard from several people on this board that guests don't want to sit through a video etc, so i've considered just having the intimate ceremony on the beach that FH wants and then having the ceremony I want back home later that day, both ceremonys would be simple and we would both get what we want and so would our guests. Who wouldn't be able to or want to make the 2 hour journey there to stand and watch us for 15 minutes and then the 2 hour journey home plus waiting time until the reception starts...Please no negative feedback as this is already causing me a ton of grief trying to come up with a solution to all of this.

LiLe422 · March 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_ceremony-ideas_am-i-crazy-2-cermonies-in-1-day?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:10Discussion:fc4565dd-0e1c-4c92-8053-091e79a34873Post:db4243b7-ca3c-4917-94ee-9098b1df5eea">Am I Crazy??? 2 Cermonies in 1 day??</a>:
[QUOTE]Okay so before you pre-judge my craziness here is some backround. my FH wants a beach wedding and I do too but there are a few problems i'm facing: 1. The nearest beach is 2 hours away minimum making a long travel time for guests 2. there are no facilities that will accomodate all my guests and be in our price range 3. we have to have a beach permit to put absolutely anything on the beach which would cost extra and 4. We want to have the reception back at a friends house (which is completely gorgeous and huge!) I have contemplated just doing the ceremony with family and the reception with friends and just showing a pre-reception video to our guests before we make our entrance but i've heard from several people on this board that guests don't want to sit through a video etc, <strong>so i've considered just having the intimate ceremony on the beach that FH wants and then having the ceremony I want back home later that day, both ceremonys would be simple and we would both get what we want and so would our guests.</strong> Who wouldn't be able to or want to make the 2 hour journey there to stand and watch us for 15 minutes and then the 2 hour journey home plus waiting time until the reception starts...<strong>Please no negative feedback</strong> as this is already causing me a ton of grief trying to come up with a solution to all of this.
Posted by KerisaHarman21[/QUOTE]

Sorry, but that sounds really silly. Its called compromise -- you 2 need to work it out amongst yourselves and have ONE ceremony.

ETA: You cannot tell people how to post. You will get HONEST feedback on this board, positive and negative.

mcda04 · March 2013

I didn't vote because I don't think a video of the ceremony is necessary.

Don't have two ceremonies. THAT is silly, I think your friends would enjoy a wedding reception over a fake ceremony.

Just have your intimate beach wedding with family only and the bigger reception back home. These are pretty common and your friends will understand that you wanted a private ceremony.

kmmssg · March 2013

Manipulating the poll to answers that you want and then telling people not to tear your poor idea apart isn't going to work.

Choose the one wedding you want and can afford and go with it. If you can't afford the beach wedding then don't try to do it. I do not want to see you reenact your wedding when you were married several hours earlier. Your guests don't either. Don't reenact it.

Pick one and go with it. You can always honeymoon on a beach and repeat your vows there, but the whole idea you are putting out there is in really poor taste.

Simply Fated · March 2013

I don't think either of those options are great. I would invite everyone to the ceremony and then let them decide if they want to travel there. Either way you have to pay the fee, so what does it matter if you invite a few people or everyone? Another option is to cut the guestlist so you can better afford to host everyone closer to the ceremony site. You can always use your friend's house for something else, like the rehearsal dinner. I'm guessing your friend already offered you her house, right lol?

AddieCake · March 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_ceremony-ideas_am-i-crazy-2-cermonies-in-1-day?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:10Discussion:fc4565dd-0e1c-4c92-8053-091e79a34873Post:1c6f6342-c204-467c-bf51-2425afb39251">Re: Am I Crazy??? 2 Cermonies in 1 day??</a>:
[QUOTE]I didn't vote because I don't think a video of the ceremony is necessary. Don't have two ceremonies. THAT is silly, I think your friends would enjoy a wedding reception over a fake ceremony. Just have your intimate beach wedding with family only and the bigger reception back home. These are pretty common and your friends will understand that you wanted a private ceremony.
Posted by mcda04[/QUOTE]

<div>This. </div>

libby2483 · March 2013

I didn't vote because I don't think either of these ideas are ideal. Have one ceremony and one reception on the same day. Part of planning a wedding is making decisions and realizing that you may not get everything you dream about. Very few people can afford their dream wedding, so sometimes sacrifices and compromises need to be made.

MairePoppy · March 2013

Have one ceremony. Don't expect the guests to travel 2 hours between the ceremony and reception.

Jen4948 · March 2013

Just have one ceremony that people will attend. Make compromises.

AJuliaNJ · March 2013

It doesn't sound like it is at all practical for you to have a beach wedding AND have the reception at your friend's house. Does location or the prospect of inviting more guests appeal to you more? It sounds like you can accommodate more people at your friend's house than the beach venues. I don't know about you, but the people piece has always been more important to me than which venue we selected. Which option could more easily be worked into your celebration in a different way? Maybe you and FI could go to the beach in the morning for some photos alone and then come back for the ceremony? Sure, that's inconvenient, but at least you aren't inconveniencing a bunch of people. You could take a beach honeymoon.

KerisaHarman21 · March 2013

Thank you everyone for your honest opinions, I do now see that manipulating the poll obviously didn't help me in my argument! I guess it is just better to have the guests choose whether or not they want to travel to the cermeony site and back again for the reception. I just want to have this tastefully done and not hurt anyones feelings. The ceremony at the beach will work if it's just family because everyone could just stand and we would not have to pay the permit, but if I invite more people then there are extra costs involved such as chairs and the permit etc. i'm just crushed because the only thing my FH wants is a ceremony on the beach, everything else he is fine with whatever we choose. I definitely want all my friends and family together to celebrate but like I said there is no options for the amount of people we want, even if price wasn't a factor we still couldn't do it because of the limited spaces that are available. We are both trying to compromise and thats why he suggested having the reception later that evening with all of our friends and family which I am fine with I just don't want guests to be disappointed that they didn't see the ceremony which is where the extra ceremony or video comes into play

OliveOilsMom · March 2013

My cousin had a private, immediate family only ceremony on the beach. Then had their reception an hour and half away with the remainder of their extended families and friends. It worked out well for them, it allowed my great aunt to attend the ceremony to see her grandson get married. She was at a point where she didn't like traveling far, so the ceremony was down by her home in a beach community.

ETA: They only had the one ceremony. They didn't have anything else prior to the start of the reception. Guests were invited directly to the reception venue at x time and the cocktail hour started immediately.

NYCMercedes · March 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_ceremony-ideas_am-i-crazy-2-cermonies-in-1-day?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:10Discussion:fc4565dd-0e1c-4c92-8053-091e79a34873Post:c916081c-b0c1-410a-9817-1c67eef67f46">Re: Am I Crazy??? 2 Cermonies in 1 day??</a>:
[QUOTE]Manipulating the poll to answers that you want and then telling people not to tear your poor idea apart isn't going to work. Choose the one wedding you want and can afford and go with it. If you can't afford the beach wedding then don't try to do it. I do not want to see you reenact your wedding when you were married several hours earlier. Your guests don't either. Don't reenact it. Pick one and go with it. You can always honeymoon on a beach and repeat your vows there, but the whole idea you are putting out there is in really poor taste.
Posted by kmmssg[/QUOTE]

I agree, and you needed a third or fourth option. None of the above.

winelover123 · March 2013

The wedding that I am planning, while lovely, is not the wedding I want. I really, really wanted a beach wedding. FI and I looked into it, but couldn't make it work. Instead, we're having a traditional wedding and on our honeymoon we're brining our wedding attire and having portraits on the beach. That's the compromise we made because it would be silly to have 2 ceremonies when we're of the same culture and belief. Find a compromise. What about a beach ceremony is important to your FI? Can you do a first look at the beach or portraits later?

KerisaHarman21 · March 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_ceremony-ideas_am-i-crazy-2-cermonies-in-1-day?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:10Discussion:fc4565dd-0e1c-4c92-8053-091e79a34873Post:43a2720c-a634-43b0-9b76-c05b8e62c1c5">Re: Am I Crazy??? 2 Cermonies in 1 day??</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Am I Crazy??? 2 Cermonies in 1 day?? : 1. You're talking four hours of driving in one day for these guests before they even get to the reception. That's a lot. 2. Even with just immediate family, you still need somewhere for them to sit at the ceremony. It's simply good hosting. Unfortunately, this plan doesn't fix the permit problem; it only saves some money on chairs. 3. The issue here is that he wants the beach and you want a larger guest list. You can't find a venue that you can afford for this large guest list, though. Yes? Maybe the people on your local board (left) can help with venue suggestions near the beach. There could be something there you've overlooked and will be perfect. If that doesn't work, there are many other suggestions in this thread for you and your FI to think about when you decide how you want your wedding to go. 4. Don't show a video of the ceremony to which people weren't invited. It's like saying, "here's this cool thing to which we didn't invite you. Ha ha" - exactly the opposite of what you mean to do. An extra ceremony would just be silly.
Posted by Schatzi13[/QUOTE]

Ha ha I do see your point about the ceremony video, I just thought it would make people feel better especially if I worded appropriately on the invitation, I haven't thought about doing a bridal shoot on the beach and then having the real ceremony, I haven't really asked why exactly he wants a beach wedding but since thats the only thing he wants I don't want to cause an argument and nix the idea, and as for the larger guest list its not me, he has more family/friends that will be invited than I do but with just the family and close friends our list tops 350, and the problem with the possible venues isn't price its the fact that they only have room for between 100-250 tops, where we live closest beach doesn't have a lot of options for reception venues, there is only 3 that would actually work but they simply don't have room. Even if half our guests decide to come that still would put us dangerously close to full capacity at several of the places and I fear that some guests would not RSVP and just come (as well all know some people do) I guess I just felt that the first ceremony would be intimate and just for us and the second could be for all the friends and family who could not make it but I do see the point, I don't want my guests thinking that they weren't invited because we didn't want them, If I had enough guests I would just go ahead and purchase the permit and the chairs and other items, its not a question of price its more like do I really want to spend $200 on a permit and purchase chairs only to find out that little to no guests want to make the journey to the beach location for our ceremony. Hence my conundrum......

TKzilla · March 2013

This is going to be the first of many many compromises in your marriage

Please don't invite one set of people to the ceremony and another to the reception. Please do not have two ceremonies, or make your guests drive two hours from ceremony to reception. Put your heads together and make a better plan. You can do it!

MsYeck · March 2013

Not sure how you would feel about it but a friend of mine did a trash the dress session at the beach afterward.

KerisaHarman21 · March 2013

Just wanted to thank everyone and give an update!! FH and I are going to do a beach ceremony with just the bridal party and family and then have a large reception that evening at our friends gorgeous house...I just need to figure out how to word it on the invitations so that no one feels left out! If anyone has any ideas please pass them to me!!

NYCMercedes · March 2013

Two separate invitations. One for the wedding and one for the party to celebrate the marriage. You'll get loads of help if you post the question on the Invites board.

Am I Crazy??? 2 Cermonies in 1 day??

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