Earn cash as you plan. Get a $20 gift card for every 200 points with The Knot Rewards
Registry and Gift Forum
Is it appropriate to register if...
My FI and I are thinking of doing a destination wedding with a pot-luck type reception to follow after. We're not into the traditional reception thing so we just wanna do a casual BBQ luau thing. Is it appropriate to register for gifts and mention it on the invites for this type of a reception?? Its going to be more of a celebration of marriage party...
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Is it appropriate to register if...
[QUOTE]My FI and I are thinking of doing a destination wedding with a pot-luck type reception to follow after. We're not into the traditional reception thing so we just wanna do a casual BBQ luau thing. Is it appropriate to register for gifts and mention it on the invites for this type of a reception?? Its going to be more of a celebration of marriage party...
Posted by inkychick[/QUOTE]
Yes, it's inappropriate to register for your AHR.
Potluck receptions are rude. It's poor etiquette to ask your guests to bring a dish to a party that you should be hosting. It's also risky because you can't guarantee people used proper food safety.
[QUOTE]I agree that it's not appropriate to mention gifts on an invitation or expect guests to bring food, I just wish that people had more supportive ways of answering others' questions. People ask questions when they DON'T know the answers, because they are looking for support and suggestions. If I were inkychick I'd probably feel pretty crappy after hoping for help and receiving the above responses. We're not all wedding experts, and perhaps we should keep this in mind when answering people's questions.
Posted by tania0930[/QUOTE]
I don't see how we weren't supportive. Everyone was pretty nice to OP and gave her good advice.
[QUOTE]I agree that it's not appropriate to mention gifts on an invitation or expect guests to bring food, I just wish that people had more supportive ways of answering others' questions. People ask questions when they DON'T know the answers, because they are looking for support and suggestions. If I were inkychick I'd probably feel pretty crappy after hoping for help and receiving the above responses. We're not all wedding experts, and perhaps we should keep this in mind when answering people's questions.
Posted by tania0930[/QUOTE]
I think it'd be pretty crappy NOT to mention to her that a potluck is a terrible, terrible idea for a wedding reception, whether it's traditional or an AHR. it's just a bad idea.
I have to bring "a dish to pass" to support YOUR party AND buy you a gift, but I don't get to see the ceremony? I'm sorry, as a guest I don't mind "showering" you with a gift or two (or three or four..) a month before I put on a pretty dress, watch you say "I Do" and drink/dance the night away... but when I have to bring my own food, and probably booze, I really won't be all that excited for you anymore.
were said. This is one example of the responses I felt were a bit rude. I'll stick to my wedding month board where everyone is incredibly sweet and knows how to say things without making people feel no so good.
The Happiest 5K on the Planet! Color Run 2012
"I think the threat of 'You've ticked off The Brides!' might do it."
Tania, rude or not, at least people are being honest.
[QUOTE]I'm pretty sure the PPs were just being honest and trying to show OP what it looks/feels like from a guest's perspective. <strong>If everyone came out and said "Umm, well, it's probably not a good idea..." then OP might think that it isn't that big of a deal. When, in fact, it's a pretty big deal.</strong>
Posted by MelissaAnne88[/QUOTE]
<div>Exactly this.
<div>
</div><div>@Tania-- It's a harsh world - I'm just trying to be blunt with my responses. If you can't handle it, don't acknowledge my posts/read my responses. </div><div>
</div><div>@OP -- Like PPs said, honesty is the best policy. Majority of people on TK will say that potlucks are not acceptable. BBQs are definitely fun, though! [: </div></div>
I was looking at your previous posts on other boards....did your bf propose (details please)....in your most recent posts you were waiting for him to buy you a ring.
Missing Our July Sparkler
BFP-11/12/12, MMC 1/16/13-baby stopped growing @ 9wks, found out at 13wks, D&E 1/25/13
[QUOTE]<strong>It's not enough to simply say that these are bad ideas?</strong> Instead things like this I have to bring "a dish to pass" to support YOUR party AND buy you a gift, but I don't get to see the ceremony? I'm sorry, as a guest I don't mind "showering" you with a gift or two (or three or four..) a month before I put on a pretty dress, watch you say "I Do" and drink/dance the night away... but when I have to bring my own food, and probably booze, I really won't be all that excited for you anymore. were said. <strong>This is one example of the responses I felt were a bit rude. I'll stick to my wedding month board where </strong><strong>everyone is incredibly sweet and knows how to say things without making people feel no so good.</strong>
Posted by tania0930[/QUOTE]
How is this rude? This particular poster was giving her perspective so the OP could see it from what may be an average guest's point of view.
No, it's not enough to simply say that it was a bad idea, because if the OP doesn't know<em> why </em>it's a bad idea, she may be more likely to dismiss it. If she knows <em>why</em> it's a bad idea, then at least she can understand PPs' perspectives and make an informed decision.
If you want for people to just validate bad ideas and blow smoke up each others' butts, then your club board is great. If you want real, blunt, honest responses so you don't do anything embarrassing or unnecessarily offensive, then posting here can be a very helpful experience.
As far as your question gos I would probably say not to include your registery on the invite, but you will proably have showers and people will probably want to bring you gifts to your BBQ so I would say it's just fine to register and if someone asks you then tell them where you registered at.
And Tania0930 I agree with your statement way to go!
Personally I don't think you should register for gifts if you are not having a traditional reception and more of a "we got married, come party with us" type of party.
It's a lovely thought that people are that understanding, but I doubt it. I'm sure if they would like to initiate bringing a gift, that is fine, but making a specific request may not bode very well...makes the couple come off looking a little greedy or something.
[QUOTE]It's not enough to simply say that these are bad ideas? Instead things like this I have to bring "a dish to pass" to support YOUR party AND buy you a gift, but I don't get to see the ceremony? I'm sorry, as a guest I don't mind "showering" you with a gift or two (or three or four..) a month before I put on a pretty dress, watch you say "I Do" and drink/dance the night away... but when I have to bring my own food, and probably booze, I really won't be all that excited for you anymore. were said. This is one example of the responses I felt were a bit rude. I'll stick to my wedding month board where everyone is incredibly sweet and knows how to say things without making people feel no so good.
Posted by tania0930[/QUOTE]
Well everyone else feels that OP is rude for suggesting that people who aren't even invited to the wedding should provide food for a party for her and then give her gifts. So I guess it kind of evens out.
The guests ARE going to be thinking what the post you quoted as being 'rude' said, so better for the OP to find out here than actually having her friends and family thinking this about her. Saying otherwise, as you're suggesting, would be like telling a friend she looks amazing in her new outfit just because you don't want to hurt her feelings, when in reality she looks horrible and everyone is thinking it. At least now she knows!
My dad's best friend got remarried a few years ago and had a potluck reception. Not everyone brought food, but a fair number of people volunteered to. It was very low-key and I was the one who performed the wedding. It was fun and sweet.
For a first marriage of a young couple? Probably not the best idea to go potluck.
And there are much politer ways of telling OP your opinions. No need to over-emphasize. Say, it is a bad idea to ask people to bring food and a gift to your wedding. This is supposed to be a reception to thank them for coming to your wedding. Do not include registry information on any of your invites.
That gets the point across in a polite way.