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So torn...

ast284ast284
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in Moms and Maids
I've been engaged for a year and I will be getting married next October. I never asked anyone, except my younger cousin, to be in my wedding and now I'm trying to decide who to ask.

This is where I'm very torn. I have a few friends from college who I would consider my "best" friends. But due to past experiences, one including the death of my only sister, I have never really been able to form super close bonds with other women.

I don't hang out with people much, even these girls, since we all are fresh out of college, money is tight, and I live over an hour from any of my friends. But when I have news to share (i.e. engagement), need to talk, or do want to hang out, these are the girls I turn to.

 However I am super paranoid that my attachment to them is deeper than theirs to me. But I can't tell if I am just over-thinking things again. When I think of who I would want to share this day with, they are who I think of, but I'm not sure they feel the same way. So do I just ask them and see, or do I let me insecurities win out and keep it to my cousins.
Next to being married, a girl likes being crossed now and then. - Jane Austen
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Re: So torn...

  • mandctaftmandctaft
    First Anniversary First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Just ask them. I'm sure they would be honored to make time for/with you. I do think you may be overthinking a little.
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  • Maggie0829Maggie0829 member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    edited December 2011

    You are way overthinking this.  I understand the lack of face time with your friends...my one friend and I live about 10 minutes away from each other and barely see or speak...life is busy, we both have houses, jobs, dogs, and now a H and a FI...however, I still consider her a great friend and know that if I needed anything I could call her.

    Just ask who you want...if they do not want to be in the wedding they will tell you.


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  • PetalPockets2012PetalPockets2012 member
    First Comment First Anniversary
    edited December 2011
    Ask who you want. If they choose to say no, it will be okay. If you are unsure about asking them, it would be fine to just have your cousin. Ask those who you want near on your special day. Good luck!
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  • calliopeia2013calliopeia2013 member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its Name Dropper First Comment
    edited December 2011
    My way of judging who to include, FWIW- 20 years from now, when my kids are looking through my wedding albums, I don't want them coming to me and asking "Mom, who're these people with you and  why haven't I ever met/heard of them?"  I.e.- people that I expect to be a part of my life for the rest of my life.
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  • rungirl12rungirl12 member
    First Comment First Anniversary
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_torn-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:facc67e6-1162-43b1-8018-31b6e63b114ePost:23b04f7c-e487-4c15-85bb-8737332d7a5e">So torn...</a>:
    [QUOTE]I don't hang out with people much, even these girls, since we all are fresh out of college, money is tight, and I live over an hour from any of my friends. But when I have news to share (i.e. engagement), need to talk, or do want to hang out, these are the girls I turn to.  However I am super paranoid that my attachment to them is deeper than theirs to me.
    Posted by ast284[/QUOTE]

    I am in the same boat as you that my friends live far away & we email only sporadically.  However, like you, these are the first friends I share big news with and that says a lot.  I also am not "close" to women the way that some are.  As for your attachment to them being deeper than theirs is to you, that may be true, but you're aware of it and that doesn't mean they think less of your friendship.  It probably just means they form close bonds with women more than you or I do.  Of the 4 friends I will be asking, 1 asked me in her party, but I couldn't because my sister's wedding was the same day, 1 is unmarried, and two are married and I was not asked to be in their party.  So yes, I know my friends have others they may be closer to, but this day is about me and how I think about them and that's why they will be asked!
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