Catholic marrying a protestant.

Krissylee87 · March 2011

My fiance and I are getting married in October and we have everything all planned out, but now my parents are really pushing for a catholic wedding. My fiance and I discussed that we wanted to have the ceremony at the reception site and that his brother would be out officiant. I have always wanted to get married in a catholic church but I don't think that we can because my fiance is not confirmed in the catholic churh and I really don't want to tell his brother that we will not be using him. Do any of you know the requirements for getting married in a catholic church when the groom is not catholic? And do you know if it is possible to have his brother stand up with the priest and actually help him officiate?

doctabroccoli · March 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_catholic-weddings_catholic-marrying-protestant?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural Wedding BoardsForum:615Discussion:e0d03fb2-f5ab-4540-927f-33c516732071Post:d79c770c-4264-4093-998f-d8729158b3b5">Catholic marrying a protestant.</a>:
[QUOTE]My fiance and I are getting married in October and we have everything all planned out, but now my parents are really pushing for a catholic wedding. My fiance and I discussed that we wanted to have the ceremony at the reception site and that his brother would be out officiant. I have always wanted to get married in a catholic church but I don't think that we can because my fiance is not confirmed in the catholic churh and I really don't want to tell his brother that we will not be using him. Do any of you know the requirements for getting married in a catholic church when the groom is not catholic? And do you know if it is possible to have his brother stand up with the priest and actually help him officiate?
Posted by Krissylee87[/QUOTE]

My FI is a baptized methodist. If your FI was baptized into any Christian faith and you were baptized Catholic, you can still have a full Catholic mass. If your FI was not baptized, you can still have a ceremony in the Church without the full mass.

In terms of the officiant, only a Catholic priest can do the vows within the Church, so there's probably not much the brother could do besides readings.

Calypso1977 · March 2011

you can have a wedding in the catholic church as long as one of you is catholic.

if you truly want to get married in the catholic church because YOU want to (not your parents) it shoudl be possible, but you should contact a church NOW - since many require 6 months advance notice for things like pre-cana, etc. you may have to change your date if they cant take care of things that quickly.

have you been attending church? are you or your parents active members anywhere? that could help speed up the process.

doctabroccoli · March 2011

Yeah, our church (well, my parents' church in the case of the wedding) actually requires 9 months notice, so you definitely have to get moving if you decide for sure that a Catholic wedding is what you want.

bibliophile2010 · March 2011

Ditto Calypso.

Also, how does your FI feel about all of this? What role does his religion play in his life? In what faith are you going to raise future children? I would talk to him about these things, and if a Catholic wedding is something YOU want and HE is willing to support you with, then you need to talk to a priest ASAP to figure out what arrangements can be made. If it is something that YOU want and HE doesn't, you have some talking to do.

mica178 · March 2011

I married a Presbyterian. We applied for and were granted approval for an exemption by our archdiocese. H had to agree to not interfere with the Catholic upbringing of any future children (he did). Otherwise, I think our wedding prep was the same as any other couple marrying in the church (FOCCUS, Engaged Encounter).

I will agree with PPs that you should marry in the Catholic church only if you and your FI agree that is what you want as a couple and that you agree with the vows (specifically that you try to raise your children Catholic and that he not try to prevent it). I know your parents want it, but that alone is not reason to do it.

doctabroccoli · March 2011

Hey Mica - So as not to confuse the OP, the exemption you mentioned...... Did you guys have to do that yourself? Our priest took care of that for us, so it wasn't something we had to do individually.

mica178 · March 2011

My priest took care of it after we provided our stuff (H didn't have a baptism record, ugh, what a pain). Oops, sorry for the confusion.

MrsMack10612 · March 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_catholic-weddings_catholic-marrying-protestant?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural Wedding BoardsForum:615Discussion:e0d03fb2-f5ab-4540-927f-33c516732071Post:2eab2ab0-931e-47b7-8432-0585b308dd8b">Re: Catholic marrying a protestant.</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Catholic marrying a protestant. : My FI is a baptized methodist. If your FI was baptized into any Christian faith and you were baptized Catholic, you can still have a full Catholic mass. <strong>If your FI was not baptized, you can still have a ceremony in the Church without the full mass</strong>. In terms of the officiant, only a Catholic priest can do the vows within the Church, so there's probably not much the brother could do besides readings.
Posted by doctabroccoli[/QUOTE]

I know I'm late to this, but I have question re: the bolded part.

Fi is Catholic, I am not. We are getting married in the church, but the priest said we couldn't do the full mass ie with communion because I wasn't Catholic.

Thoughts?

doctabroccoli · March 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_catholic-weddings_catholic-marrying-protestant?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural Wedding BoardsForum:615Discussion:e0d03fb2-f5ab-4540-927f-33c516732071Post:a8addfa2-62df-4729-a17c-95b87adf1beb">Re: Catholic marrying a protestant.</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Catholic marrying a protestant. : I know I'm late to this, but I have question re: the bolded part. Fi is Catholic, I am not. We are getting married in the church, but the priest said we couldn't do the full mass ie with communion because I wasn't Catholic. Thoughts?
Posted by kjhowd[/QUOTE]

That's what our pastor told us! So you are baptized some sort of Christian?

mica178 · March 2011

Some priests recommend against doing the full mass when a Catholic and a non-Catholic marry since the non-Catholic would not be able to take communion, and presumably a large percentage of the guests would also not be able to take communion.

doctabroccoli · March 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_catholic-weddings_catholic-marrying-protestant?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural Wedding BoardsForum:615Discussion:e0d03fb2-f5ab-4540-927f-33c516732071Post:bc16d387-00f6-42c1-8071-4f86e27882d7">Re: Catholic marrying a protestant.</a>:
[QUOTE]Some priests recommend against doing the full mass when a Catholic and a non-Catholic marry since the non-Catholic would not be able to take communion, and presumably a large percentage of the guests would also not be able to take communion.
Posted by mica178[/QUOTE]

I honestly have to say I wasn't all about having ours be a full mass because I don't like to impose my faith on a lot of non-Catholic guests (and FI and his family), but I lost that battle to my mom who insisted on the full mass once she knew the priest would do it for us. So yeah, what Mica said, maybe it's just that your priest doesn't feel it's appropriate.

MrsMack10612 · March 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_catholic-weddings_catholic-marrying-protestant?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural Wedding BoardsForum:615Discussion:e0d03fb2-f5ab-4540-927f-33c516732071Post:48ffe18d-5c98-4060-9ac8-5905daed432d">Re: Catholic marrying a protestant.</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Catholic marrying a protestant. : That's what our pastor told us! So you are baptized some sort of Christian?
Posted by doctabroccoli[/QUOTE]

Yes, I am a baptized Christian (Methodist to be specific, though I was confirmed Congregationalist).

I think Mica is 100% correct. Now that she says that, I'm pretty sure that's exactly what the priest said.

Thanks for the help ladies. I lurk around here a lot trying to learn about how a Catholic wedding should be/go etc.

Edited for spelling

Catholic marrying a protestant.

Re: Catholic marrying a protestant.

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