Mom wants to walk me down the aisle wth my Dad

kay7b83 · August 2010

Quick background: My parents have been divorced since I was 5 and both have been remarried, divorced and dad is remarried again. My parents had me and my older sister who passed away 11 years ago. My dad had my brother with his 2nd wife so he has 2 kids now and mom only has me.

My mom made a request for me to consider - she said she would like to walk me down the aisle too. I'm note sure what to think about it. I had never heard of this before, but someone told me its not uncommon. I'm note sure what to think about it. I am close with both of my parents and they are both great about doing whatever I want for the big day. I'm torn bc I have never even thought of this before and have pictured the walk just me and dad. My mom is awesome though and very much a strong feminist woman who does not like traditional roles. I know it must mean a lot to her for her to make a request. My brother said that he thought it was kind of stealing dad's thunder and that while I'm my mom's only child, I'm my dad's only daughter. I talked to my dad and said he its fine and that he's happy with whatever I want. I kind of want it to be just me and dad, but I don't want to hurt my mom.

Any thoughts?

Lisa8888 · August 2010

I have seen it before and many brides have both parents walk them down the aisle. Since it means so much to your mother and it doesn't bother your father, I think you should consider it. I don't view it as stealing your father's thunder.

rosiereal · August 2010

Well my mom asked for the same thing and its almost the same situation but my mom is single and dad remarried. I decided to walk with my dad but my sister made susgested that my mom walk me half way to my dad then my dad the rest of the way or i would have both walk you. its what you want and feel whats right. hope that helps

i am going to have a daughter and mom dance to give my mom that special moment !

good luck

rfelix14 · August 2010

When mom asked for the same thing, I reasoned with her that she was there for everything else (dress fittings, planning etc) and that she will be helping me with getting dressed (at her request also) the morning of the wedding whereas all my dad has is to walk with me and the father/daughter dance. ( I don't know if it matters to you, but my parents are still together). She agreed and instead she will be standing by the alter so when I get to the end of the aisle, she and my father will "give me away" when the priest asks.

You should do what makes you happy, when the day is done you can't go back and have a re-do! Best of luck to you!

tldh · August 2010

It's traditional in some cultures for both parents to escort their daughters and is becoming more common today no matter who you are. Is there some reason you don't want your mom to walk with you down the aisle?

ChrissyNY · August 2010

My mother asked for the same thing! My parents aren't divorced, but they are seperated and still kind of together (very complicated). My mother and i are very close, and she is paying for the majority of the wedding, so feels she should be walking me down with him. As much as i dont want to let her down, I still want it to be just me and my dad. I think rfelix14 has a good point in that my mom is involved in everything else and thats all my father has to look foward to.

Cleo7 · August 2010

If you aren't comfortable with the idea of your Mom walking you down the aisle, there are other ways to honor/include her during the ceremony. Many couples include a unity candle lighting during the ceremony, and (at least in my family/region) it is usually the mothers who light the "family" candles before the bride and groom use them to light their candle. Perhaps including something like this could help your Mom feel more included on the big day?
While I agree with pp's that Mom is usually included on things like dress shopping, etc that Dad isn't, it could just be that your Mom is wondering what her role will be during the actual ceremony.

IMHO, having either parent walk me down the aisle to "give me away" is too patriarchal for my taste, so FI and I are walking down the aisle together.

kay7b83 · August 2010

Thank you to all of you. I'm not sure what I'll do. I'm kind of hoping to find some other tradition I can include in the ceremony just for my mom to be involved it. It's not that I don't want my mom to walk me down, its just that my dad and I only became close in the last 7 years - which is why my mom wants to be a part of it, and why it would mean a lot to me to be just me and dad. If I can't think of anything else they'll both walk me down. My mom just doesn't want to be excluded and she still has a lot issues with their marriage and him. Plus my mom pointed out that she has very little family and most of my family that will be there will be his (although they all still adore my mom and get along great) she feels left out I think. I just want it to be special and perfect for everyone - my mom, dad, me and Michael and everyone there.

Any suggestions on some kind of tradition to involve my mom in? I liked the unity candle idea, but not only are my parents split (mom single, dad may or may not be at the time of the wedding), my fiance's parents are split and he has a son with a previous relationship. Kind of makes me dizzy.

Again thanks for all of your help and suggestions, I truly appreciate all of it!

mgietler76 · August 2010

I am having both of my parents walk me down the isle and I am not doing a Father/daughter dance.

Mom wants to walk me down the aisle wth my Dad

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