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My Fiances Mother doesnt want him to get married

annanatatannanatat
in Moms and Maids
My future hubby's mother is not on board with this marriage and she hasn't given us a good reason why. She has made up some things about me that bother her that I do not even do. She says she fears I will take him away from his family forever and that is not what I am trying to do. I moved across the state to be with him. I have been playing this neutral why she is not and he is ready to tell her that this wedding is happening. How can we do that in the best way?
Yes we are quite young but have been together for 5 years and he is the oldest of three. IHe feels his mother has some regrets about marrying his father.
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Re: My Fiances Mother doesnt want him to get married

  • zitiqueenzitiqueen member
    Knottie Warrior 2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_my-fiances-mother-doesnt-want-him-to-get-married?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:7f8be6a0-2d35-4f41-ae39-ee14bb7aae65Post:51b35e34-199d-44b6-a214-d9b9bb586be1">My Fiances Mother doesnt want him to get married</a>:
    [QUOTE]My future hubby's mother is not on board with this marriage and she hasn't given us a good reason why. She has made up some things about me that bother her that I do not even do. She says she fears I will take him away from his family forever and that is not what I am trying to do. I moved across the state to be with him. I have been playing this neutral why she is not and he is ready to tell her that this wedding is happening. How can we do that in the best way?
    Posted by annanatat[/QUOTE]

    Well, first of all, <strong>we</strong> don't do anything. Your FI needs to handle this on his own.
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  • gailpetegailpete member
    Knottie Warrior 1000 Comments 25 Love Its Name Dropper
    This definitely a discussion that needs to happen between your FI and his mom.  You should stay out of it.
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  • MairePoppyMairePoppy mod
    Moderator Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 500 Love Its
    Your fiance should handle this issue with his mother.  He should tell her that he is an adult and does not need her permission to get married. He should also tell her that if she doesn't treat you with respect, she will not be seeing much of either of you.
                       
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  • Maggie0829Maggie0829 member
    Eighth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    You stay out of it.

    This issue is between his Mom and your FI.  No one else.  He needs to let her know that he is a grown man and can make his own choices.  She doesn't need to agree with those choices but she must respect them.  If she continues to act like a 2 year old then he needs to decide how he wants his relationship to proceed with his Mom.

    Again, you stay out of it completely.

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  • OliveOilsMomOliveOilsMom member
    Tenth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers

    Ditto Marie and Maggie.  Also, you and FI need to agree on how you will deal with his  mother in the future as well.  While FI should always take the lead on any discussions about your treatment by her.  There should also be a conversation about how you and FI will handle her if she does not change her current attitude.

    May I ask if he is a young groom?  Perhaps his mother is just worried that you are getting married too young.  Or is he an only child or youngest in the family?  Maybe FMIL is having a hard time realizing her son is an adult now and letting go of him.  And the only way she can discourage the wedding, in her mind, is to paint you in a bad light.

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  • renegade gauchorenegade gaucho member
    100 Comments Third Anniversary 25 Love Its
    How young are you, exactly?
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  • erinlin25erinlin25 member
    500 Love Its 1000 Comments Third Anniversary First Answer
    Ditto, its up to FI to talk to his mother; you should stay out of it and try not to take it personal!  I am happy he is standing up for you and your marriage.  But just know you are not alone!  My FI is the oldest of 4 and his dad passed away when he was younger (FMIL never remarried), so he has pretty much been "dad."  I never had an issue with his mom and it was pretty much implied when I moved back to his hometown with him last year that everyone knew an engagement was in the works. When FI told his mom he was going to actually propose she asked him why and to "not rush."  I was pretty bitter for a few weeks and it made me actually nervous when we got enagaged.   As much as I do not understand it all, I can tell first born sons are always the hardest.  His younger brother is already married 5 years so it was reassuring that FMIL was the same way when he got engaged too.  Her children are her life so it was just hard for her seeing them grow up and move on.  I doubt its anything about you personally, just that her "baby" is growing up and moving on.  Have FI talk to her and while it might not settle over night, it eventually will. Hang in there! 
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  • kmmssgkmmssg mod
    Moderator Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 500 Love Its
    My answer depends on how old you guys are.  You could be together for 5 years and be 18 or 19 or 20 and I would have great concern about your age.  I'm a MOB.

    Soo, how old are you guys?  And absolutely take the advice you have been given about having your FI do the talking with his mom and staying out that.
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