Choosing Bridesmaid Dilemma!!

Re: Choosing Bridesmaid Dilemma!!

• cherrymariachi member

  

  December 2010 edited December 2010

  Well, the thing is I'm pretty sure she's expecting to be a bridesmaid since we had talked about it in a silly casual way before I even got engaged. The problem is I just feel like lately I have had to initiate conversations with her. So I'm just not sure in the end what I should do. I consider her a friend, but I'm just not sure how close of a friend anymore. Not including her as a bridesmaid could destroy that friendship.

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• bethsmiles member

  

  December 2010

  Would you regret not having her stand up there with you? If the answer is yes then ask her to be a BM. But don't ask her just so there aren't hurt feelings. Don't give her some meaningless job either (like manning the registry table). Being invited as a guest is an honor too.
  
  And there is no such thing as a "full-time bridesmaid". That is ridiculous. All she would be required to do is buy a dress and stand up with you during the wedding. Anything else is extra and not required.

  
  

  
  

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• cherrymariachi member

  

  December 2010

  She is the only choice that I have for a third bridesmaid. So it doesn't come down to choosing her or someone else. In my mind my wedding party would just be my MOH, 2nd bridesmaid, and her. So really it's just a question of either leaving her out and going with 2 bridesmaids rather than 3, or including her. It's just such a dilemma. Though I really do care about her, I don't want my 3rd bridesmaid to be so distant that it's like we're not even friends by the time of my wedding. 

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• bethsmiles member

  

  December 2010

  Honestly it sounds like you don't want to have her as a BM. So put on your big girl panties and just make the decision. Don't explicitly tell her that she isn't a BM, if she asks just say "oh I asked so-and-so to be in my BP" and then move on.
  
  If she is an adult she isn't going to throw a hissy fit and will be delighted to attend your wedding as a guest. She can still be invited the bridal part and bachelorette party as well. If she is too immature to handle it then you will just have to cross that bridge when you get there.
  

  
  

  
  

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• radforco

  

  December 2010

  I just wanted to point out too, that you wouldn't need to fill in that third bridesmaid spot if you didn't ask her, unless you have someone specific in mind. Hope everything works out for you, good luck!

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• heyimbren member

  

  December 2010

  In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_students_choosing-bridesmaid-dilemma?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:684Discussion:2435e539-abd0-451f-a981-645677849f46Post:7e7183f4-6ccf-446a-aa7d-9b018fe4369f">Re: Choosing Bridesmaid Dilemma!!</a>:
  [QUOTE]Honestly it sounds like you don't want to have her as a BM. So put on your big girl panties and just make the decision. Don't explicitly tell her that she isn't a BM, if she asks just say "oh I asked so-and-so to be in my BP" and then move on. If she is an adult she isn't going to throw a hissy fit and will be delighted to attend your wedding as a guest. She can still be invited the bridal part and bachelorette party as well. If she is too immature to handle it then you will just have to cross that bridge when you get there.
  Posted by bethsmiles[/QUOTE]
  
  Beth's advice here is perfect. Don't give her another "job" to do, because those are so pointless. They aren't special honours, it's just them doing a favour for you.
  
  Don't ask this girl if you don't really want her to be a BM and you aren't that close. There are horror stories on M&M and the WP boards all the time and people who asked their BMs too soon, or out of obligation and they end up regretting it later.
  
  You're both adults (I'm assuming) so you can both act like adults.

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• vixey member

  

  December 2010

  If you want her included on the wedding day but not necessarily as a BM, you could ask her to do a reading at the ceremony.
  
  However, don't ask her to be in charge of the guest book or something else silly like that.  Those are chores, not honors. (I never understood the need for a guest book attendant, don't people know how to sign a guest book and grab a program on their own?)
  
  If you don't want her to do a reading or be a BM, then she can just be a guest.
  

  

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• NatandIsaac

  

  December 2010

  In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_students_choosing-bridesmaid-dilemma?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:684Discussion:2435e539-abd0-451f-a981-645677849f46Post:590ac396-5ce3-4ac4-9ddc-31f8789232c9">Re: Choosing Bridesmaid Dilemma!!</a>:
  [QUOTE]Would you regret not having her stand up there with you? If the answer is yes then ask her to be a BM. But don't ask her just so there aren't hurt feelings. <strong>Don't give her some meaningless job either (like manning the registry table).</strong> Being invited as a guest is an honor too. <strong>And there is no such thing as a "full-time bridesmaid". That is ridiculous. </strong>All she would be required to do is buy a dress and stand up with you during the wedding. Anything else is extra and not required.
  Posted by bethsmiles[/QUOTE]
  
  <div>Totally agree.</div>

  

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