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New Here -- Guidance Needed

cali.garsoncali.garson
First Comment
in Christian Weddings
Alright I'll try and keep this as short as possible:
I was raised "ethically motivated" since my mother is Lutheran and my father is Jewish.  I have always felt that I was a Christian, and when I was in high school I went to Bible Study and a youth group with my friend.  Last year I was Baptized and my father regularly reminds me that he is very upset with my decision and repeats that religion is the root of all evil (even though he celebrates all Jewish holidays) and tells me that I am smart so I shouldn't believe in "stories".  For my ceremony I really want to include traditional vows, prayers and readings, but do not want my father to get angry.  Also, my father's side does not know I am a Christian and I do not know how they will react.  Suggestions for how to deal with this issue and prayers welcome!!! (This is really the only stressor for my wedding) 
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Re: New Here -- Guidance Needed

  • iamjoesgurliamjoesgurl member
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary
    edited December 2011
    How does your FI feel about this?  Is it his desire to have a Christian ceremony?

    I've never been in a situation where I had to chose between being true to myself/my faith and not hurting people I love.  So what I will say is what I hope I would do in your situation.  My faith in God is the most important thing in my life.  I personally feel like it is important to me that people know my faith, especially people who are close to me.  I feel like I would include traditional vows, prayers and readings in my ceremony.  If I didn't, I would probably regret it one day.

    I will pray for you and for your family as you deal with this difficult situation.  Oh, and welcome to the board!
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  • mmhepbmmhepb
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    I'm going to give two ideas, not to offend or hurt anyone's feelings.

    1st - God is central to both Christianity and Judaism, so prayers, Old Testament readings and such would be seen as common ground and would work for both families.

    2nd - and not to sound harsh because I don't know what I would do if in your shoes - but as a Christian we are called to profess our faith.  You've done this through Baptism, and this may be God's calling to show your faith to your father's family.  However, I don't know that your wedding day would be the day to cause a riot or family rift...
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  • cali.garsoncali.garson
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Just as a side-note: My FI is a Christian and the reason my dad's side does not know is because I have not seen any of them since I was Baptized.  Also, I did not become a Christian for my FI, I actually brought him back to the Church! Thank you soo much for the suggestions and prayers
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  • GJones27GJones27 member
    1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    I'm sorry to hear this.  Maybe he's upset as he's seeing this as a rejection of himself, his tradition, and what he raised you to believe.  I think maybe he just needs reassurance that you won't lose yourself, and it is not a rejection of him.  But I find it strange that one year later, he is still acting like this.

    I think the next best thing is to show through your actions that religion is not about being bigoted or promoting evil.  I feel it's a shame that so many people see religion as something backward when it also has a positive side.  Christianity has often been thought of as an intellectually vigorous discipline.  It may take time for him to see that, but he will come around eventually.  

    I would still do whatever you want religiously for your wedding.  Just because your family doesn't initially accept your religion doesn't mean you don't have to lose yourself or your identity.  I know it's tough, but they just have to accept it.  I'm sorry you have to go through this.  Good luck!
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  • AshNoel8AshNoel8
    1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Welcome to the board! I am sorry you are struggling. I agree with the girls- if I were in this situation, I would do everything I wanted to show my faith and bring the Lord into my marriage. That's not to say you have to go screaming at your family that they are wrong, but it's your wedding day and you should do what you and your FI feel is right. Explain to your dad that this is nothing against him and that you still love him. I will say a prayer for you! 
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  • kellya01kellya01
    1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Wow, sounds tough.  You made a choice for you- you professed your faith - and if you and your FI want your wedding to have a Christian basis, then that's your choice to make.  I know it's tough when family, especially close family, disagrees with your faith choice, and I especially know what it feels like to be ridiculed for believing in "stories" so I feel you on that one.  Just keep strong, and pray about what God would have you do.  
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  • DramaGeekDramaGeek member
    2500 Comments 5 Love Its
    edited December 2011
    It sounds like maybe a heart to heart with dad is needed.  Are you comfortable doing that?

    I wonder if it would help prepare your family or give them a heads up that yours will be a Christian ceremony if you used a New Testament verse on your invitation, or somehow word the invitation in a way that alludes to you being a Christian.  It might at least prep them for it a little.
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  • midgetthemightymidgetthemighty
    5000 Comments Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    Welcome to the board. You've gotten some great advice from the ladies on here for the situation. I think it is very important that you let your Dad know that you still love him and your faith is not a rejection of him. As far as your wedding is concerned, do what you and your FI want in regards to readings and Christian themes. Your family should respect your decisions.
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