Family Help

HinaChan · July 2012

Okay my fiance and I have decided to get married in the mountains. We are really excited about it, so are my parents, his on the other hand are not.

You see we live in a small area and to get to the mountains it is a 4 hour drive. Well everyone is willing to travel except for them. His mother says that it is to far and of we don't relocate then they might not come.... it is really bothering us. They even went as far as to tell us that they won't help with wedding costs unless we move it closer to them, like 10 minutes away from their house.

It really pisses me off and it is really bothering my fiance. We don't know what to do! We wanna get married in the mountains but if they are threatening not to come then we aren't sure what to do.

HELP

Danny&Mel2003 · July 2012

If you two are paying for it on your own then I'd talk with them explain how you feel together, if there paying for it then you need to unfortunately go by there rules. Sometimes with the money family gives it comes with special requests.

HinaChan · July 2012

We are paying for it and my parents are helping, just its a year away... can't they try a bit for us

melb2013 · July 2012

It's the golden rule- he who has the gold rules... Have the wedding where they want if they are paying for the venue and food.

HinaChan · July 2012

Well as of right now, they aren't paying for anything. We are paying for it all

melb2013 · July 2012

Then you get to choose and it sounds like you need to have a serious conversation with them and explain why you want to get married there.

HinaChan · July 2012

We have tried, they just roll their eyes and every time I see his mom she drops hints about how so many places around us are free. She even went as far as to talk to a place and schedule a meet up with us and the manager!

kmsst48 · July 2012

Is there a reason why they don't want it to be that far? I mean, all in all it's your day, they aren't paying - do what you want. Yes, you want them there, but try to find out why. Maybe it's because they don't want to stay the entire day or drive. If that's the case see if you can find someone to bring them and take them home when they want. Are they worried about staying up in the mountains or where they will find money for travel and accomadations? Are the threatended because your parents are paying and they are not? Are they throwing a power-play?

I'm not saying to avoid their request but it's really important that your FI and you talk to them about WHY the mountains is the best place and why it will make your day amazing and how your FI wants them there so his mother can help him dress and take his dance and how you are looking forward to spending time with them. I know it sounds corney but making people feel that there is a place for them in all of this - it can make a difference.

However, the B in me, which there is a lot of - would tell them show up or not, your call.

Let us know how it goes though, i'm really sorry because I know what it's like when parents are non-supportive of choices you make regarding your day.

FLGatorGal88 · July 2012

If the mountains are where you and your FI want to have your wedding go for it... TBH I don't think they will miss their own sons wedding.

hisbabygirl76 · July 2012

I am in a sort of similar boat. We had originally been planning an at home wedding next may. after really looking at financials we decided a intimate DW would be more feasable for us. We also changed the date to January (our dating anniversary). So far my mother has said she wont be able to go and we are still working on FI's parents. Understandably his dad is a teacher and its not during school vacation and they worry about the weather. I have come to the conclusion I will not be able to find a date/time/season/locatin that makes everyone happy and since FI and I are paying I need to focus on making US happy. I wanted to work with everyone but its not possible. Course now we are looking at a possible layoff at work so all plans have come to a screeching halt.

kmsst48 · July 2012

I wish we had like buttons on posts!

turtleslove · July 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_may-2013-weddings_family-help?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding Club BoardsForum:ea657a87-d1dc-4588-999f-31c9deeef720Discussion:c471de77-fb8c-45e7-aff7-0bf1575c10ebPost:d023931b-8429-4a2e-a73a-b5ea32fdea59">Re: Family Help</a>:
[QUOTE]Is there a reason why they don't want it to be that far? I mean, all in all it's your day, they aren't paying - do what you want. Yes, you want them there, but try to find out why. Maybe it's because they don't want to stay the entire day or drive. If that's the case see if you can find someone to bring them and take them home when they want. Are they worried about staying up in the mountains or where they will find money for travel and accomadations? Are the threatended because your parents are paying and they are not? Are they throwing a power-play? I'm not saying to avoid their request but it's really important that your FI and you talk to them about WHY the mountains is the best place and why it will make your day amazing and how your FI wants them there so his mother can help him dress and take his dance and how you are looking forward to spending time with them. I know it sounds corney but making people feel that there is a place for them in all of this - it can make a difference. However, the B in me, which there is a lot of - would tell them show up or not, your call. Let us know how it goes though, i'm really sorry because I know what it's like when parents are non-supportive of choices you make regarding your day.
Posted by kmsst48[/QUOTE]

Exactly what I was thinking^^^
Do what you can to figure out why, and accomodate what they need. But in the end this is you and your husband's day. As long as both of you are on the same page everyone else can stuff it...

rswans · July 2012

I agree that if they aren't paying, they don't get a say. However, I think it is worthwhile to find out what the exact objection is.

It's also important to figure out how you'll feel if they don't show up. I know it's rare, but my grandpa didn't show up to my parents wedding (and my grandma came, but threw a hissy fit). It was hard and they were prepared for it, but it strained things for years. In the end, they went for it because it's just who my grandpa was and it would have been a strained relationship no matter what, so it was worth doing what they wanted.

HinaChan · July 2012

Thanks for the amazing advice guys, I talked with Cameron my fiance and we decided to take them out to dinner to have a talk about all this. We plan on listening to their views on it and telling them ours. I will let you know how it goes!

kmsst48 · July 2012

Good luck doll! Def keep us updated!

Family Help

Re: Family Help

Choose Another Board

Search Boards