family fued over my dress

Re: family fued over my dress

• Simply Fated member

  

  November 2011 edited December 2011

  Call her bluff. If she misses her daughter's wedding over a dress then I'd be shocked.
  
  
  
  

  
  

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• em01092 member

  

  November 2011 edited December 2011

  You should choose the dress YOU want. Your mom sounds extremely petty and immature if she wouldn't attend her own daughter's wedding because you chose a different dress than the one she adores. If she isn't paying, she doesn't get a strong say, IMO. Should she offer to cover the cost of the gown she loves so much, that's one thing, but you shouldn't blow your entire budget on a dress, especially if you have already committed to vendors or a venue. 

  
  

  If you decide on the dress you found with your dad, sit your mom down and say, "Mom, I love the dress we found but I simply cannot afford it. The dress I found with dad is the one I truly love and can afford. Choosing that dress is not meant to be a stab at you, and I hope you can understand that this is just the way things worked out." 

  
  

  Then give her some time to get over it. Hopefully she will realize how silly she is being and come around. Better to rip the band aid off now than have these feelings super close to your wedding, which is when?

  April Siggy Challenge-Wedding Escape: Reading HG/dreaming about Peeta.... Bio-Updated 4/22**

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• broomstick88

  

  November 2011 edited December 2011

  my wedding is September 8 2012 and we have commited to out venue and caterer. it's mostly DIY because we are on a tight budget.
  
  she's known for her "go big or go home" temper tanrums. to the point where i have my gram on standby incase she throws one at the bridal salon and i leave her there this weekend.

  

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• em01092 member

  

  November 2011 edited December 2011

  I say stand your ground. You have a good reason to say no to this dress and yes to the one you also love and can actually afford. You and your FI have other things you need to pay for, so just explain that to her and be done with it. If your mom can't understand that, she is being childish. You may have to be the grown up here. Good luck! 

  
  

  
  

  April Siggy Challenge-Wedding Escape: Reading HG/dreaming about Peeta.... Bio-Updated 4/22**

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• kmmssg mod

  

  November 2011 edited December 2011

  It would have been nice if you hadn't made your "decision" right there with your dad.  You could have brought your mom in under the guise of "I saw this dress and I want to check it out.  Let's go."  Too late for that now, and quite frankly it is a shame you would have to do that.
  
  You are going to have to sit down with your mom and lovingly and firmly tell her that you NEVER should have tried on the first dress as it is so far out of your budget that you won't have any money for other wedding needs.  Let her know that you love the second dress and it is your choice.  Remind her that you didn't fall in love with this dress because your father was sitting there - you fell in love with it because it was the RIGHT dress and he just HAPPENED to be there.
  
  You can also remind her that she should want you to have the dress you feel is right.  If she says she won't attend you need to keep your emotions in check and tell her "I"m sorry you feel that way Mom.  You will be missed.  My wedding dress selection is not going to be held hostage to the fact you and Dad dont' get along.  This is my decision and this topic is closed."
  
  If she keeps bringing it up, walk away, reminding her the topic is closed.  If she calls about it, same thing.  Do this every time and she will eventually realize you are dead serious.
  
  Good luck.

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• renegade gaucho member

  

  November 2011 edited December 2011

  In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_family-fued-over-dress?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:d8fd1d9c-ea61-40f1-9a98-3211e05150b6Post:b740d1e7-fea4-47de-a618-7061acd8384b">Re: family fued over my dress</a>:
  [QUOTE]she's known for her "go big or go home" temper tanrums. to the point where i have my gram on standby incase she throws one at the bridal salon and i leave her there this weekend.
  Posted by broomstick88[/QUOTE]
  
  Don't indulge her by getting the dress she wants you to get.  You'd just be telling her that acting like a spoiled child is an acceptable way of getting what she wants.  She's being absolutely ridiculous, and if she would miss your wedding over something as trivial as a dress, she's probably not someone who needs to play a big role in your life.  I have a feeling that even if you get the dress she wants you to get, she'll find something else to blow out of proportion and put herself back at the center of attention.

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• ootmother2 member

  

  November 2011 edited December 2011

  I'm very sorry that your mom is immature enough to behave this way;
  
  yes, as kmmssg mentioned, there was a more tactful way to handle her but i'm assuming it was the excitement

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• broomstick88

  

  November 2011 edited December 2011

  thank you everyone for your help. i'm going with her sunday and there were a lot of good ideas brought up here. since i can't take back the way it started i'm thinking i'm going to hav t have a good talk with her in the car on the way up. i may have o call her bluff and hope it's just a bluff.
  
  thank you all so much for talking this through with me.

  

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• Simply Fated member

  

  November 2011 edited December 2011

  In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_family-fued-over-dress?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:d8fd1d9c-ea61-40f1-9a98-3211e05150b6Post:43052163-2c4b-4008-84a4-2c98d391cefe">Re: family fued over my dress</a>:
  [QUOTE]thank you everyone for your help. i'm going with her sunday and there were a lot of good ideas brought up here. since i can't take back the way it started i'm thinking i'm going to hav t have a good talk with her in the car on the way up. i may have o call her bluff and hope it's just a bluff. thank you all so much for talking this through with me.
  Posted by broomstick88[/QUOTE]
  Keep us updated on how this turns out, pleaase! I hope it works out for you.

  
  

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• kmmssg mod

  

  November 2011 edited December 2011

  Yes, keep us updated.  I'm really hoping she settles down and enjoys this special time with you.

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• Karenofcourse member

  

  November 2011 edited December 2011

  As a mom, one of the most important things is your child to be happy.  Pick the dress that makes you happy.  If your mother wants to hold that over you, sounds like she needs some major counseling to determine her underlying issues.  Pick the one that makes you happy.  If you pick the one the makes her happy, you should not be getting married b/c you have a lot of underlying issues also that need resolving immediately.  Good luck with your decision.

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• Kate61487 member

  

  November 2011 edited December 2011

  good luck!  definitely stick to your guns - it's just silly of her to threaten to not attend over a dress.
  
  Frankly, I don't think you should have had to lie to keep your mom appeased (PPs earlier suggestion of pretending you hadn't made up your mind yet).  You haven't done anything wrong, she's being ridiculous.

  

   
  

   Married Bio

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• PjSj100811

  

  November 2011 edited December 2011

  Sorry I didn't read the entire post it was really long.  has your mom seen the dress on you that you and your dad liked and you want to get?  If she hasn't why not take her to the dress shop and try it on with her there.  The issue may be that she feels left out becasue you picked the dress without her trying on the dress with her there may be an easy fix.  Everyone happy.

  God's Will never takes you where the Grace of God will not protect you

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• ravenray member

  

  November 2011 edited December 2011

  In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_family-fued-over-dress?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:d8fd1d9c-ea61-40f1-9a98-3211e05150b6Post:564c0bae-fddf-49b6-8ee3-8018b45efe1d">Re: family fued over my dress</a>:
  [QUOTE]Sorry I didn't read the entire post it was really long.  has your mom seen the dress on you that you and your dad liked and you want to get?  If she hasn't why not take her to the dress shop and try it on with her there.  The issue may be that she feels left out becasue you picked the dress without her trying on the dress with her there may be an easy fix.  Everyone happy.
  Posted by PjSj100811[/QUOTE]
  <p class="MsoNoSpacing">You really should read the whole thing before you comment, it wasn't that long.<span>  </span>If you had read you would know that is exactly what she is doing with her mom today.</p>

  "Love is not affectionate feeling, but a steady wish for the loved person's ultimate good as far as it can be obtained"-C.S. Lewis

  Married! May 27th, 2012

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• broomstick88

  

  November 2011 edited December 2011

  i'm going at 230 in the afternoon sunday. which looking at the clock is today! i will let everyone know how it turns out. hopefully it;s good and i don't have to give her cab money to get home.

  

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• broomstick88

  

  November 2011 edited December 2011

  i went today and on a scale of 1 to 10 we hit a solid 4. my mom didn't like the dress at all but didn't blow up. She told me nothing would as good on me as the more expensive dress. i asked her if she liked how it fit me and was told "it's your day, order whatever you want".
  
  it was a very long tense car ride home and i'm glad to be in my PJ's on my couch with my handsome fiance. My dad and i ordered the dress with the corset back and 2 double petticoats.
  
  here it is : http://www.davidsbridal.com/Product_Satin-Beaded-Halter-with-Tulle-Skirt-and-no-Train-6280_Bridal-Gowns-Shop-By-Silhouette-Ball-Gown

  

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• kmmssg mod

  

  November 2011 edited December 2011

  You will be stunning in that dress.  Sounds like you are setting proper boundaries with your mom - kudos.  You made a good, sound decision that you are happy with.  Your mom should be happy about that but it doesn't sound like that is how she rolls.  Good luck in your planning.  Your dress is beautiful.

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