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May 2013 Weddings

FMIL Vent

I really just do not know what to do.
FMIL has a track record of telling FI what she really thinks about me but to my face she is Ms. Merry Sunshine. (She also does this to other people and now wonders why I don't trust her. hmmm...)
Then a few weeks ago she tells FI she doesn't like to spend time with me. "She's great and I'd love spend more time with her, but she gets annoyed too easy."
1. Yes, I do get annoyed easily, I'll admit it. I have struggled to be a positive person and I am making slow but steady progress at it.. I don't care for their family constantly bickering and fighting about the same thing over and over and never resolving anything so when they start doing that I usually go in the other room because it stresses me out. (I get physically ill when I am too stressed also.) However this is apparently a HUGE problem with her and that's why she says I get annoyed too easy. I don't yell, make faces or make a big deal, i just leave the room till they are finsihed.
(FFIL does the same damn thing but no one bithces at him because he pays all the bills.)
2. I call BS. I thought when you love or like someone you take the bad with the good? I had really though all of the hours I have spent working hard at their family construction business, and just being generally helpful would earn me a little forgiveness? Apparently not. 
3. FMIL admitted to FI that FSIL (she and FBIL have been staying at his parents while they remodel theirs) is lazy, doesn't help abournd the house and I did a lot more to help when we lived there for a couple of months- however FMIL loves going shopping and hanging out with FSIL.
4. I'm not allowed to bring it up and talk about it becuase in FMIL words "that might make a good time a sad time." Funny she doesn't have trouble bitching at people wheh it suits her, and I am always conveniently not around when the above issues come up. How in the hell am I supposed to resolve this!?

I am sorry but that is BS, either there is something deeper that shes doesn't like about me or she is just too cowardly to admit she just don't like me. I would be a lot less hurt if she could be honest- we're all human and not all of us are going to like eachother, it's okay. But instead I never know if Dr. Jeckyl or Mr. Hyde is going to be around.

To top it all off they are paying for more than half of our wedding... They are giving us the same amount they gave FI brother to cover half of his wedding, and frankly with all of their family they have insisted we invite (that no one has seen in forever!) we honestly can't make this huge stupid wedding happen without thier money.
FI understands but doesn't know waht to do and I don't blame him. He keeps telling her she needs to talk to me but she wont.
UGH.
I apologize for this being long...
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Re: FMIL Vent

  • That's frustrating.  FILs can be extremely frustrating sometimes, but I would be somewhat pissed off if I were you.  There's no reason a grown woman should have to go behind your back and whine to your FI about why she doesn't like you.  It's immature.  You may just have to ignore the things she says.  
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  • You and FI will have to think about how your relationship with them's going to be after you're married. Something has to change. 
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_may-2013-weddings_fmil-vent?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:ea657a87-d1dc-4588-999f-31c9deeef720Discussion:f2dddc10-8c0e-4926-884d-084c021ed61ePost:6c261e15-44b0-486b-9d39-6a3498ce3ba7">Re: FMIL Vent</a>:
    [QUOTE]You and FI will have to think about how your relationship with them's going to be after you're married. Something has to change. 
    Posted by SSaltzman87[/QUOTE]

    <div>This.  There needs to be some healthy boundaries in place; one needs to be that she can't talk about you like that to your FI.  What does your FI say when she complains about you?  He should be saying something to affect of "This is my FI and you shouldn't be talking about her behind her back like this to me.  If there is a problem, please work it out with her, otherwise, I don't appreciate hearing these things."</div><div>
    </div><div>I sympathize- I'm sure you've read all my in law posts.</div>

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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_may-2013-weddings_fmil-vent?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding Club BoardsForum:ea657a87-d1dc-4588-999f-31c9deeef720Discussion:f2dddc10-8c0e-4926-884d-084c021ed61ePost:d39f7873-1bf8-4bfb-a49a-8d6ee32063e0">Re: FMIL Vent</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: FMIL Vent : This.  There needs to be some healthy boundaries in place; one needs to be that she can't talk about you like that to your FI.  What does your FI say when she complains about you?  He should be saying something to affect of "This is my FI and you shouldn't be talking about her behind her back like this to me.  If there is a problem, please work it out with her, otherwise, I don't appreciate hearing these things." I sympathize- I'm sure you've read all my in law posts.
    Posted by melb2013[/QUOTE]

    You know, I never actually thought of this.. I've never had the want for anyone to fight my battles for me, but yea he needs to make his mom leave him alone about it..
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  • I think having open lines of communication is the only way for it to be an ok relationship. If she has a problem, she should go to you not to your FI.
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