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Second Weddings

Vow Renewal Question

My husband and I just got married on August 4th 2012. The wedding was very much rushed and lots of pressure from our parents to do it before I left for deployment, which I'm not gone..We got to spend a three short weeks together as "newly weds". I hated 90% of my wedding day, and now i'm away from him for a year. Since we haven't really started our new life together and we wont be until i'm back next year would it be to soon to do a vow renewal ceremony? I feel like this is one of the hardest tests of our marriage that we can go through, being apart for a year. And it'd give me the chance to have the wedding of MY dreams. No attendants and no gifts though,just a chance to finally start our lives together. Would it be a dumb idea to do this when I return?

Re: Vow Renewal Question

  • I think doing a vow renewal is fine, and it would be sweet if you were able to make it work on your anniversary (not at all important, I'm just sentimental about dates).
    As long as you go into it knowing that it's not a new chance at a dream wedding, but of having the kind of celebration you'd like to share with those close to you after a renewal of your wedding vows upon your return from service, I think you'll be fine.
    Also, thank you for your service; I know it's not easy.
    Praying for a miracle!
  • MikesAngieMikesAngie member
    1000 Comments Third Anniversary Name Dropper 5 Love Its
    edited September 2012
    Congratulations on your wedding - even though it wasn't what you wanted you did end up married.  If you want to renew your committment to one another in a year that is fine and have a big anniversary party great.  It should in no way be a wedding re-do though. 

    IMHO the wedding industry has gone overboard with the "you should have" and "you should go for broke" - this is where they make their profits.  It's a day of making (hopefully) a lasting committment to your partner, it's not about the dress, the party, the centerpieces, the flowers, the guests, the favors, the dances - it's about the two people committing and pledging a vow.  The rest is just fluff.  At the end of the day when it's all said and done it's really about the relationship, the couple and their marriage. 

    Edited: corrected a typo
  • I think it's fine to have a vow renewal when you get back from your deployment, as it IS a big thing to get throughas a couple, and in my mind qualifies as a major turning point for a relationship.    However, you shouldn't try to make it "the wedding you never had."   No big white dress, no "first dance" (unless it really IS your first time dancing together as a married couple, which it might be given your circumstances), etc.   And of course, everyone attending should know that you are already married and that this is a vow renewal. 

    I'm AD military too (Air Force) and I know how hard deployments can be -- I've never done a full year, but I've done a few four-monthers and a six-monther, and they're hard on relationships, but you CAN get through it:-)   Mail, care packages, email, IM, and skype got us through.   Good luck to you!
    DSC_9275
  • I've been the one waiting back home during a deployment, and this is one of those times I give a pass to folks having a vow renewal so soon after the wedding.  It's a celebration of you coming back, your partnership, and all the crap you went through to get back.  It is DEFINITELY one of the hardest things to go through. 

    We used to have T-shirts that said "Toughest job in the Army:  Army spouse"  Because it IS!!!  For those who haven't done it, they really don't understand what it is to be a military dependent, and I can't even begin to think about all the stuff you, as a military member, go through. (Is your spouse a military member, too? If not, there are support systems, and I strongly suggest your spouse get involved with them!)

    So, have fun, just forgo the pre-wedding stuff, such as the bachelorette party, etc. 

    And last but not least, thank you for your service.  I truly appreciate your hard work!!!!! 
    image Don't mess with the old dogs; age and treachery will always overcome youth and skill! BS and brilliance only come with age and experience.
  • Even though you didn't have the celebration you wanted, August 4th will always be your aniiversary and that is a wonderful milestone.  Congratulatons on your wedding!

    I'm going to throw something out that no one else has ... whatever you do to celebrate once the deployment is over, don't invite your parents.  They pushed/rushed you into a wedding day you did not want.  They can sit out the day you're finally going to carry out the way you want.

    OK, OK, I didn't really mean that, but hell, if your parents pushed you into getting married in a way you didn't want, then plan the post-deployment celebration without their input so that, at last, you'll have the day you really want.  Don't involve them in the plans, just ask them to leave their calendars open on such and such day/time.

    Good luck!
  • Yes the parents are deffinitly being left out of any and all planning this time! I'm spending a year over seas, I want things MY way and I don't care what anyone else will think this time. :)
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_second-weddings_vow-renewal-question?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:35Discussion:7c9c81e3-f9df-4ba8-8cf5-76c9c214d940Post:d4055ff2-fccb-430b-9516-5b6b91f58841">Re: Vow Renewal Question</a>:
    [QUOTE]I've been the one waiting back home during a deployment, and this is one of those times I give a pass to folks having a vow renewal so soon after the wedding.  It's a celebration of you coming back, your partnership, and all the crap you went through to get back.  It is DEFINITELY one of the hardest things to go through.  We used to have T-shirts that said "Toughest job in the Army:  Army spouse"  Because it IS!!!  For those who haven't done it, they really don't understand what it is to be a military dependent, and I can't even begin to think about all the stuff you, as a military member, go through. (Is your spouse a military member, too? If not, there are support systems, and I strongly suggest your spouse get involved with them!) So, have fun, just forgo the pre-wedding stuff, such as the bachelorette party, etc.  And last but not least, thank you for your service.  I truly appreciate your hard work!!!!! 
    Posted by handfast4me[/QUOTE]

    No he's not in the military so it is very hard especially when spouses aren't able to completely understand what soldiers have to do when deploying. And your right it's very hard to get through deployments together, that's why I guess I don't understand why people say "Oh wait for a milestone" Uh hello--we've been a part for a year, I think that's a HUGE hurdle for any couple to jump, considering most couples will never spend that much time apart.
  • I know you said i'd get negative comments, but so far it seems to be you that's the one with the negative opinion. To all others, thanks for the advice :)
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